Need to vent - Depression Message Board

BridgetP · 10-13-2002, 03:49 PM

Ok I just need to unload. I am 26 yrs old and the youngest of 6 kids. Two of my sisters and my mom (other kids live in different states) are ALWAYS doing things together and leave me out (even if I planned it!). I thought i was used to it but here is what happened now.....Friday I called my sister and told her a local store was giving away gift certs. to be used today so lets go....we went and got them and agreed to go today after she got back from church and me from my meeting at the kingdom hall. So i hurried home and called her and her husband answered and said "Oh she went with your sister to Kohl's (where we were supposed to go!!) about an hour ago." I was SO hurt! My husband says they are just inconsiderate and it shouldnt surprise me anymore. Well I called her and confronted her, which I normally dont do, and she said she thought I would be home earlier. I dont believe that. I told her that this wasnt the first time and I am quite sure it wont be the last and hung up. Now I feel like crap and am starting to feel guilty for hanging up on her but they ALWAYS do this. I dont get to do much because outside of working and being a wife I also take care of my mother in law who has alzheimers and parkinson and lives with us. I have a hard time socializing because when i was in such a deep depression i isolated myself and while i dont feel so much depressed now, I am just starting to socialize again and they know it is hard for me to do that. UGH! Thank you! I just needed to vent!!

[This message has been edited by BridgetP (edited 10-13-2002).]

catgirl · 10-13-2002, 06:46 PM

Good girl on confronting them

That's the 1st step in dealing with inconsideration.

Besides, this is your family & they need to know that not only are they a part of your life but know how you feel. What they are doing IS hurting your feelings & the only way this behaviour can change is by letting them know. Don't feel guilty

You have this right!!!!!! Everyone has a right to voice their thoughts, opinions, feelings, etc.

So, you go girl

Cat

[This message has been edited by catgirl (edited 10-13-2002).]

BridgetP · 10-16-2002, 02:47 PM

Thank you Cat and Chrys!! My mom called me later that night and attempted to let me know in so many ways that I was in the wrong. UMMM...HOW?? LOL They (the 2 other girls) are her favorites though so I expected her call. Oh well. No word from any of them since so maybe, once again, I wont be spoken to for a few weeks. Your either in or your out with my family, no in between! But I WILL BE OK! LOL That is my slogan of the week! Thanks for listening!!!!!!!!
Bridget

orion · 10-16-2002, 11:35 PM

I hate to say this but....the only person who can make you feel bad about things is YOU. You keep setting yourself up for the disappointments. You know what your siblings and mother are like, they have been doing this stuff for a long time and you have been beating yourself up about it for a long time too. The "we won't talk to you for 2 weeks thing" is the oldest trick in the book and it shows just how immature your family really is (not your fault, just a fact). You can't change them, you can only change yourself. So its time for a change. Find someone who is fun to do things with and get on with your life. If your sisters invite you to things, great, go....but if they don't, you will have someone else to have fun with. After all, you only choose friends, not relatives and there is no law saying you have to like your relatives (thank God).

Oh yeah, confrontation rarely works because either you make the person defensive because they know they were wrong or you make them mad because they know they were right. Either way, they end up mad and you lose. Since you can't change them anyway, don't bother. It can be helpful to say something like "I feel bad you didn't include me." Then they make their lame excuse and you just accept their excuse and move on. That way you have let them know your feelings (and feelings are never wrong, ever) but you avoid a confrontation. Don't ever say, "YOU made me feel bad" just say "I feel bad" or "I am disappointed" that way you are just saying what you feel and not blaming anyone.

I think you should phone up your sister and have a nice conversation. It doesn't help either of you to be mad or worrying about what the other might say. If she mentions the issue, just say, "I was disappointed but I'm glad you had a good time" and move on to the next topic. The case is closed.

"Watching where we're going,
wondering where we've gone.
Half of life is knowing,
the rest is moving on."

It's the moving on part that is hardest. Move on.

Hope that helps.

[This message has been edited by orion (edited 10-17-2002).]

west virginia girl · 10-17-2002, 08:25 PM

(((((((hugs to you))))))))) and vent anytime you want,thats what were here for