depression, celexa, and a cycle of hell - Depression Message Board

SumGrl · 01-05-2003, 11:07 PM

After almost killing myself about four months ago i was put on celexa. This was the first attempt to treat my longtime depression. I was reluctant to take any drugs and stopped as soon as i felt better. Big mistake. Until readingthe other posts I couldn't figure out why everything in my life turned to ****. How could it affect me so much. My roomates kicked me out, my boyfreind got a new girlfreind, my sister and I stopped speaking. I've cried (hysterically) every day for weeks. I can't get anymore until school starts and the health center reopens. Now i have to find a new place to live, figure out a way to forget the only person who has ever truly cared about me, and make amends with my sister. I feel alone and desperate. I don't know if I have the strength togo on anymore-- my life feels like a viscuos cycle that just keeps on going around. Even when i was on it for thoise few months i wasn't happy. I wasn't suicidal, but i wasn't happy. The only time i am happy is when i go to the bars. It is the only place i feel confident and beautiful. I know this sounds stupid i look the same despite my location, but once i walk in there i feel like a star. I am completely dependent on weed and alcohol, it is the only thing that calms me down when i am curled up crying on the floor. I know this isn;'t healthy, but isn't it better than crying-- or dying? My doctor said these things wouldn't interere with my meds, but i didn't tell him the extent of my smoking. Is he right? I figured once i got better i would cut down, but i never did find a way to be happy without it yet, or even with it. Also how bad is it to skip days of medicine? Sometimes i forget for a few days and people told me i was different. How big of an effect does it have? And if i stopped cold turkey like i did, and instead drank and got high everyday what effect would that have on a person? I seem to think everyone secretly hates me and as much as i wanted to i could not speak to them. I know i can't change the past, but what can i do now. i feel like inside my head i am occasionally being zapped or something. Like a weird internal twitch. Is this the meds? if i can't figure out a way to start a new life and be happy i think i will die. I really do. I don't have a single person i can talk to anymore. if i have to live like this i will die. Does my life just unbelievably always suck or is it a consequence of going on and off the drug? What can i do? i feel dead already. Somebody please help me

Jennita · 01-06-2003, 11:16 AM

I can't know how to help with your life; maybe a good counselor could help uncover why you wanted to commit suicide in the first place. Drugs, either illegal or legal including prescriptions, are neurotoxins to the brain. People have gotten over depressions with good psychotherapy, good nutrition like whole foods and vitamins, and plenty of vigorous exercise. Ever see depressed people dragging around at the gym?? No, because people who maintain fitness usually feel good....without the weed and alcohol! Fish oil and Flax Seed Oil have already been researched to help depression.

Those brain zaps are typical of antidepressant withdrawals, which, despite what your doctor may say, can last a few months for some people. You really need to cut down and then get completely off the weed and alcohol too. It may take some time for recovery. Meanwhile, try to get therapy that will get down to the reason you wanted to die in the first place!

Well, good luck. I hope you can start caring about yourself more and get healthy and happy!