I wasn't sure where to post this, but hopefully it will be okay here...
Is it a natural thing to constantly think about death? It's one of the things I think about most on a typical day. What if, what if, what if...I always say "what if I died today?" or "what if I die in the next year?" Every night before bed I always have a second or two of fear because I think I won't wake up. I don't know why I do it so much, but it's really starting to affect me. Like right before I made this post I was thinking about "what if I died before Christmas." Just weird stuff like that!
How can I prevent myself from thinking about it? I know it will happen to me someday because everything and everyone has to die, but I don't like to sit around and think about it, you know? It's kind of scary. Life has been strange ever since my friend was murdered. She was only 15, and I was 16...and so maybe that has a big affect on me? She would be 17 today...and I'm 18.
I'm sure your friends death DID have a big effect on you. Especially if this is the first time you have experienced death with someone close. It kinda reminds you that death is just not discrimintory to the elderly. It can strike anyone at anytime.
The way your friend died also played a big impact as to why your constantly thinking about death. It was sudden, violent & in no way expected.
So for you it was like getting a double shock and what a horrible experience to have to live through. That must have been awful for you.
As far as your question, have you talked to people about how you feel? If not, do so, they can help you rationlize death & why your are thinking the way you are. Another idea is to write a letter to your friend. This helps the grief process and letting go. Maybe your still angry at her killer. Write him/her a letter too. Get it all off your chest.
Hopefully this will help & maybe some others will come up with some even better idea's to help you out. Cat
Thanks for the great advice. Losing her was definitely a horrible thing. We had known each other for so long, and losing her was sudden and unexpected. I still remember seeing her for the very last time. I think I will write her a note. I know exactly where her grave is. It has been a while since I have been down there. I don't think I plan on writing her killer a letter. He is dead also, and he was her step father. He killed my friend's mom, my friend, and then he pulled the gun on himself. No one knew why. I even had a website devoted to her, and it was very popular among her other friends...but it was so hard that I just had to shut it down. It was kind of a way to just let her slip away into eternal peace.
Now that I've mentioned it, I realize that her death does have a major impact on my everyday life. Thanks for your advice. I really appreciate it.
I just wrote the longest post I have ever written and my computer protector(protects against virus and such)wasn't running and when I went to submit my post it wouldn't let me,anyway this has never happened before but on my post I was talking about death and my faith in god how it has kinda deminished and well I wrote alot but I think maybe someone is trying to tell me something...maybe...thats why I couldn't post it.....like maybe someone from upstairs. kinda creepy!
I had that fear as a teenager, that I would go to sleep and not wake up. Sometimes I still think wow it is kind of scary, sleep, you're kind of unconscious or something... but I am not really afraid anymore. I used to be scared of all kinds of things that might cause death, like that I touched something poison or had some disease or whatever... had to ask my parents for reassurance all the time.
I later was diagnosed with obsessive=compulsive disorder, due to other symptoms too, that might be something for you to look into, because it is kind of obsessive thinking...
p.s. What REALLY HELPS is developing some kind of faith in a greater purpose of life.
To misunderstood, You are not alone. For the past couple of months I have been thinking about death a lot.I don't understand why because I was never like this before.I've been thinking about how afraid I am of dying and what it will be like for me.I never went through a traumatic experience or anything.I really hate feeling like this.I used to be happy,and lately I just don't feel myself and I'm paranoid that there might be something physically wrong with me.I had my first panic attack a couple of months ago and I don't understand why it happened.Ever since I had the panic attack I don't feel the same. I don't want to go out and do the fun things I used to love doing.I'm pretty sure I'm suffering from depression and I'm not sure if I'll just snap out of it or if I'll need medication.Anyway good luck to you and hope you are feeling better.
I would try to bring this up to my mom or my sister in seek for help, but I honestly think they'd laugh at me and tell me I am taking it a little too seriously. That is the way my family is with everything. I'm too afraid to face things like this alone (finding out if there is something wrong with you or not). I really don't know what else to do.
Wow...when I read your posts I feel like I am reading my own thoughts. I used to be extremely happy...and now I am consumed with thoughts of death. I feel like my days are numbered. I am so scared of dying that I cry a couple of times a day. I get that punding in my heart and my stomach gets nervous, i have trouble breathing and I cannot focus. I know that these are panic attacks...but i am truly scared. I feel like any day I am going to die. Why is this? I feel like maybe I am feeling like I know that I am going to die and my mind won't believe it. I dunno...but I don't enjoy anything. Christmas is always my most favorite time of year...but I can't help feeling that it is pointless. I really need help and I don't know where to begin.
Im sorry to hear about the death, thats what triggered my fear of dying.
Right now as i post i feel that way. But i look at it this way, if were going to die, it would of already happened. I mean cause you have no power over it, and think about it this way, if you were going to die. It would of already happened.
Well thats what my father says, cause he suffers from the same thing as me....its very scary no doubt.
I hope u feel better....
[contact details deleted]
Anyways talk to ya later
[This message has been edited by minerva (edited 12-21-2002).]
I suffer from anixety/depression. It's very scary, but I know I will surpass it and get my life back....
I wonder what causes all these fears? I mean, it is obviously very unavoidable...death...whenever it may come. My mom says that it is a fear of not accomplishing the things I want to do in life...I guess that makes sense...but I still can't shake the fear of actually dying. I think it has been only recently that I have realized how small we are in the scheme of things and how at any moment we can be taken away from all that we know. It scares me to the point of tears. Just ceasing to exist. I dunno...it freaks me out...a lot. I am only 23 and I hope I have a long way to go...I just don't feel like I do. I feel like it is right aroung the corner...waiting for me.
I am just having the hardest time here. I cannot seem to see a point to life. I feel like we are going to die...it is inevitable...how awful...I am trying to feel as if this life isn't over when you die and that there is a God...I am just a skeptic...I guess.
I feel like why work so hard in life when it can be taken away from you at any moment. I can't laugh or enjoy anything. I am feel so cynical and sad and SCARED. I have never had these thoughts before. I feel like at the very least we have an opportunity to control our own death...therefore we would know it isn't scary.
I know there are things I want to do in my life...fall in love, help people, laugh and dance and sing...but I just feel like what is it all worth...because we are going to die in the end...what is happening to me?
kkecu.....I felt the same exact way. When my depression started I had questions going through my head about god and dieing and just about existance and why everything was here. And I too relized how small of a part humans are in the world,I mean we are no different than the bugs and animals that we see everyday. What I mean by relizing we have such a small part in the world is that I believe there is a bigger picture,there is something more out there and it's after death and well that scared me,I wanted to be able to know that when I died I would just be dead and there was nothing more,no heaven or hell. Nowhere my soul was going to go to. Because for some reason this extremely scared me.
I think this scared me so because I had lost my faith in god because for whatever reason. I was very ill for a couple of months with questions like how did the grass get here and why did we have a sky and all these questions churning around in my head non stop till i became phyiscally ill...throwing up and crying all the time and wanting to harm myself cause I couldn't understand what was happeing to me,things seemed so unreal cause I didn't know the answers to these questions....I wanted to know how the world even existed and there is NO concrete answer,it's either by god or the big bang theory,so sense my faith and deminished I was going to try and believe in the big bang and evolution cause I truly needed some answers. But this gave me no comfort what so ever cause it is all just theorys,not facts. My doctor told me I was depressed over reality basically and this is kinda funny to me cause most of the time reality seems so far away from me.
Anyway,after many nights of talking with my hubsand and knowing that no one knows the answers to certain questions makes me feel somewhat better and it makes me feel not so alone. I fight the questions I have everyday and it is not a crime nor bad to ask and wonder the questions I have but when it starts to take over thats when I have to stop. The thing is my hubsand said something to me the other night and for some reason it has helped me....I asked what is the whole purpose why try,nothing matters I'm just gonna die so nothing is worth anything,and he looked at me and he said....life is all we have. And such simple words touched me so much,life is everything and can be taken away at any moment but there is nothing we can do to stop that but we can live our life because it is all we have. What ever happens or where ever we go in death I want to be able to say I did live and I was happy and I took care of my family and the thing I have really thought about alot is the important things in life....the love between two people,the touch of my sons hand,his laugh and I think maybe even some of my faith is coming back,I truly hope.
I still can't understand why just one morning I wake up and everything I ever believed was so strange and crazy to me but the doc says this is depression.
Who knows but I know when I feel like there is no use and nothing matters cause i'm just gonna die anyway I stop and think what my hubsand said to me and it helps me go on.
Thank you so much for your words. I try to talk to my family about it and about my fears...but they just feel that I am being 'over-dramatic' or emotional or just silly. I have tried to express that this is a REAL fear..that I can't help the way that I am feeling. Everything does seem pointless. I know that I am loved and I love greatly...but it doesn't answer questions...and your right...I have questions...no one (on earth) can answer. I don't know what I feel about God and after you die...one second I whole-heartly believe and the next I think of science and deny everything I was feeling. I feel that it is silly to strive for success...because what does it get you in the end? I feel so morbid. But it does help me feel better to know that I am not the only one who has these fears.
I also keep feeling like I am going to die soon. Maybe it is the reality of death itself and how scared it makes me...so I am obsessing...but I can't help it.
I just want to go back to the life I used to lead...where things were fun and exciting and I had so much hope fo rmy future. Now I can't even see my future and I feel lost and unimportant.
Your right about your huusbands words...they do help...I guess it will just take some time to find some enjoyment in the things I used to love.
Hi there. I'm replying before reading the other replys.
No, I don't think it is normal. I went thru what you are going thru for so many years. I call it "Death Anxiety" and I SUFFERED it for so long. Death was ALWAYS on my mind. I even when I'd ride the bus I feared that someone might blow my brains out. It was awful. Then in 1997 a Psychiatrist put me on Paxil 40mg and it took care of it like a miracle. I still think of Death but in a VERY HEALTHY way. Example: I have made out my Will and I met with someone from the Cremation Society so all my wishes are known and everything is all paid for now. This is a big releif and load off my mind. I feel very at Peace with it. I'm 45 and live alone with my cat. I'm kind of a recluse so I have all my info and documents in my home office file. The caretaker of my building know where the file is and so does my sister and X-Husband. I carry a card in my wallet also with my end of Life wishes and who to call. It's pretty cool I think. I don't worry about it anymore. I live very carefully also as to not put myself in any mortal danger as much as I can, but I'm not paranoid or afraid like I was.
I hope this helps.
Age: 45 Famale-no children-divorced 4+ years.
Schizotypal/Schizoid, Hepatitis C, Fibromyalgia, IBS, among other things.
quit smoking March 21, 2003! Smoked Camel straights for 32 years.
You are not alone I always used to think about death or every ache and pain I got was going to be a life threatening illness! It got so bad I would have nightly panic attacks from it. The Doc put me on 1mg of Ativan daily to prevent the attacks but I only took it when I felt an attack coming on. I havent had one in about 2 months and it feels great. I dont think about death or dying much anymore it just seems to have gone away as fast as it showed up. But I just wanted you to know you are not alone on these thoughts at all. Take care.
TMJD for 12 years
Carpal Tunnel syndrome
Anxiety/Panic Attacks (cured now I think)
Alot of past Medical Problems so if I can help in other areas of health...I will.
I just get so scared of it. I can't help my feelings...I feel like I am going to go crazy. I get these horrific panic attacks off and on all day long. I can't function..it consumes my every thought. I search on the internet all day for proof of an exsistence of God...I search all day from diseases that I could have. I am soooo scared all the time about death that I can't even live a normal life.
I just don't know what to do?