I have been really tired lately. I have totally spaced out a lot of things I am supposed to do. I start crying for no reason. I just feel inadequate. I get a lot of stress from my mom. She has cancer and everytime I make a mistake she blames me for her getting it. She says its my fault that she is still fighting it. I don't like to do what I normally do. I feel like a freak and I want to be alone. I don't know I just don't feel the same. How do you know you are depressed?
You definitely are depressed and I feel so sorry for
you. Your Mother has a much larger problem on top of
cancer, if there is such a thing. Such a shame that
she blames her condition on you. Somehow that does
not seem fair, at all. How old are you? Do you
still live at home? I would see a Doctor to see if
he could give you something for depression, like
Lexapro or something on that line. You are not a
freak; am sure you are a very lovely person and
everyone on here cares about you. Let us know how
you are doing. Dottie
Well thanxs 32skater...I am 18 and she has always done this to me. She treats me like I am some delinquent. I can never do what I want to do. She always wants me home. I can't even go stay the night at an aunts house. She is such a hypocrite. She is supposed to be this Catholic goody goody and she swears, lies, and she is just mean. She acts like she is all religious around other people and yet the filth that comes from her mouth is just terrible. Then she expects me to be home and sit around and do nothing. I am totally screwes in life. I have an overprotected-wanna-be-nun for a mother who blames me for everything. She finds any thing to yell at me about. Then I have an alcoholic for a father. He has been to treatment three times and it really didn't help. Then when they argue I ALWAYS get put into it. I just have no idea what to do. I have started to drink a little but I don't do it that much. The thing I started to do and have done a lot is do drugs. It is an escape for me and I know that it isn't good for me but it is the only thing that gets my mind off of my problems. My problems at home and school. I am a senior and I hang around with the "preppy" girls and I talk to the "jocks" but I just don't feel like I belong. I feel ugly and fat and that nobody would like me. I feel like I'll never get a boyfriend. The guys I have been around make it clear they just want to have sex with me. This one guys has a girlfriend but always says very sexual things to me. The other guy just wants to have sex. So I feel pretty much like an ugly freak. I really don't know what to do....someone help...advice..........
I agree with 32skater, I think you should go see a therapist or a psychiatrist because it sounds like you have depression. They can help you deal with the depression and relationship problems at home, and self-image problems. If there are any good counselors in your school maybe they can give you some suggestions as to where to go? There are also definite depression checklists, if you do an internet search.
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[This message has been edited by moderator1 (edited 01-24-2003).]
Does your school have a counselor? Try talking to him/her about this. Then, if you ARE eighteen, check into living someplace else. Your depression will not improve if you continue to live at home. In fact, it could get worse. You mentioned an Aunt. Do you think she might be of some assistance?
lilangel: Thanks for the reply! You have to
think a lot more of yourself. You are your most
important individual in the world. Once you
establish that, you can help others. Don't know
about your Mom, as it sounds like the more caring
you are for her, the harder it gets for you. Please
start taking care of yourself; seeing a physician,
or having someone to communicate with and than you
get rid of this guilt and blame, you will feel stronger in the long run. Best of luck to you;
keep us informed.
Yes get some help now while you are young.
The moving out is also a good idea if you are ready and able to do it.
My father blames me for a heart attack and some colon cancer. He has had the bypasses and an operation for the cancer and is pretty good today.
Unfortunately, I am doing terrible from the guilt and worthlessness that I feel in part from his words and attitudes.
I do not do drugs or drink but I have other unhealthy escapes.
My father likes to think he is very religious to because he goes to church 25 or so times a year.
You sound very depressed and who wouldn't be if they were in your position. Your mom is projecting all her negativity onto you because you are the only one who she can show her true self in front of. It will be very hard for you to feel good about yourself as long as you live with her.
Is there any way you could move out? Being made to stay at home at age 18 is absolutely ludicrous, and I guess your mom feels she has no control over her life but feels the one thing she does have control over is you. At age 18 you should be out having fun with your friends. Your mom sounds alot like my mom. My mom also has cancer and has very angry outbursts since becoming sick. I think when we hide our true feelings they get stuffed inside us and fester, ultimately becoming toxic and causing disease. If nothing else please learn from your mother and fathers' mistakes and don't repeat them. Your mom needs help also. Is there any way she would go to therapy? It would benefit you all. Things will not improve as long as your mom is pretending to be someone she is not. Best of luck to you and you have come to the right place for support. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing.