LostCause

Im not really sure. I mean i feel like i maybe, but i dont really want to go to the doctor to find out. Feel to anxious to go out and do that, and pretty much feel like i can fix this stuff on my own.
Last Saturday, i went to see a girl i met over the internet, we were talking a "going out" for 5 months before we met. I was expecting the worst, that she would think i was ugly and dump me afterwords. It ended up being the best day of my life, everything clicked, we were totally comfortable with each other from the get go, it was like a dream honestly, like i was high or something. Didnt seem real.
Ok, now its only been 6 days, and im starting to forget all those feelings, and go back to the way i felt before. Like...what she saw then, wasnt really how i am. She thought i was attractve, but i cant see that when i look at myself in the mirror you know. I just feel like no one could be attracted to what i see. I no longer trust her when she says she thought i looked good, or i feel like it was false.
She is my first girlfriend ever, and we really are like perfect together it seems, but the longer i get away from that day the worse i start feeling.
Its like this other part of me doesnt want to be happy, it always shows up making some excuse to be unhappy. Its like a fight in my head, whenever i feel good, i think of some way to become unhappy. The depression comes back so easily. And most of my depression is created by my self image. I just hate the way i look. Im like so different from every other male i know, and i dont like it, being an outcast even now. School was bad enough, but i know people are more mature in the real world, but still im scared to go out and experience that cause im scared what people iwll think of me.
After that day, we were happy, and we talked on the phone we were still happy, we missed each other but other than that we were cool. The next day, we were feeling kinda bad for some reason, she was feeling depressed about something and wouldnt talk about it. The day after that we began analyzing that night, breaking everything down, and like the whole feeling deminished. I found out all the mistakes i made, made me feel worse about myself. But i cant help but ask questions, im very curious about what i do wrong you know? And i always ask what shes thinking, i want to know everything on her mind, but u know sometimes the truth hurts me bad.
I guess this is getting to be to long of a post and no one will want to read it. Just so much of my depression come from the way i look, im so self conscious , i feel so awkward in public places. And it just seems like no matter what , my depression wants to find an excuse to rear its ugly head to me.

Thanks for reading if you did, sorry it took so long, and sorry if my problem doesnt seem to be important...Take care all.