Tired74

I have a very low self esteem despite my family and friends telling me I am pretty, great body, great sense of humor, fun, caring... But for some reason I don't see it, I compare my self to others and always think I am not good enough for the current boyfriend. I find it hard to trust men, that they will cheat and want other women. everyone looks at the opposite sex or same sex whichever applies when in a relationship it's normal I know but I get way too angry at my current boyfriend and have driven him crazy for a year now... I know this will be a long post but I am miserable and want to be happy with him if it's not too late, anyone who has time to read this all and reply please do it would be much appreciated...
I had therapy last night and all I did was discuss my boyfriend who is currently unhappy with me, since I could be jealous, overbearring, he claims interrigating when all I ask is normal questions, but he says I ask over and over again in a different form as I mistrust him and think I will catch him in a lie. I do that sometimes, but in describinng situations to my therapist where I act the way I mentioned above, and then told him why I reacted that way - therapist tells me one, he is neutral he does not know him, but sounds to me like my boyfriend causes my mistrust and sort of plays certain games and cops out a lot. I need more reassurance than some of his past girlfriends, but he says how can I tell you nice things when all you do is accuse me of wanting to cheat or whatever, why don't I trust people. This has been a pattern in almost every relationship I am 28. If I end this, since it seems he won't meet my needs, sure they seem burdening, but if he really loved me he could tolerate it and just oblige.... Relationships must be compromise, trust and open and honest communicatiion. I don't need to be with someone 24/7 that is unhealthy but when it comes to him and some of the things he says and does it makes me feel like I need to be wiht him, because I am afraid he will cheat. I am tired like my user name says of being like this. My therapist says our relatiionship could be causing my depression. If I leave him, I will do it again as I get closer to someone else. When I first meet someone they say I am so cool, laid back and relaxed and fun and all good things but as soon as I get real close I snap, I get insanely jealous and am afraid when they go out alone without me as if they are looking for someone else. I feel inadequate even when they say I am not. I know men don't liek insecure women nor do they arrogant women just right... I want to be normal. I want to stop thinking everyone is out to hurt me.