Alcoholic Friend is really worrying me! - Depression Message Board

Angel207 · 06-03-2003, 10:45 PM

One of my best friends is a woman that is about 25 years older than me. I am so close to her that I call her mom. She is a sweet woman and we talk an awful lot. In fact she is the first person i trusted enough to tell how hopeless and depressed I was feeling and she is trying to get me to go to the doctor. She also suffered from depression a few years ago.
'Mom' has always enjoyed having the odd beer after work but for the last week she has been drunk before supper everynight and passed out before 7 pm. I am so worried and anxious for her. But on top of that she is becoming a nasty drunk. She argues over anything i say and makes little comments that she thinks i don't hear. She also expects me to do everything(make supper, clean up, do dishes etc.)and then criticizes the way i do everything and I don't know how much longer i can handle it. I can't afford to move out and she won't listen when I ask her to lay off the beer for a while...any suggestions?

#1Texan · 06-05-2003, 05:25 AM

Hi Angel
Depression and alcohol don't mix as the alcohol is a depressant.
Have you been able to talk to her when she isn't drinking, something may be bothering her especially if she seems to be drinking more.
I have experienced when you ask the drinker to lay off it just seems to get them in the mood to drink more.
When you do all of the "chores" it enables her to drink more, she has a resposibility to do her part too.
If I'm understanding this correctly, you and she are roomates, she needs to do her part.
Do your best to not take any of her critisms to heart, alcohol can bring out the worst in people.
I lived most of my life with an alcoholic.

Please come back and let us know how things are going.

Take care

Tex

Angel207 · 06-05-2003, 11:14 PM

Hi Tex,
Thank you for your response! I did speak with her. She helped make dinner tonight and she didn't argue or criticize me too much today (a couple little comments) but she still got drunk right after dinner.
She is my landlady and a very good friend. I rent the basement of her family's home and because we are such good friends we eat together most evenings.
I have been through this once before with her but right now I am having a hard time with any criticisms or harsh comments. I have no self esteem and I hardly have the strength to get out of bed in the morning. Thanks again for your response

EdinNJ · 06-06-2003, 05:16 PM

You may want to consider going to a local Al-Anon support group meeting, to share your experience there and hear how others have dealt similarly with the alcoholism of a friend or family member.

Take care and hope, - Ed

#1Texan · 06-07-2003, 05:01 AM

Angel
You didn't say how long you have lived with "Mom"
In my experience with an alcoholic, the more I opened up and let my fears, dreams ,worries out to him, it came back to slap me in the face, so there went my self esteem out the window.
Al-anon didn't work for me ,but it may work for you, it's at least worth a shot.
My alcoholic ex never had a good word for me, I never did anything right. It was a very sad and lonely 18 years. If you don't have to be there, then don't.
I realized after I moved out that I suffered from depression, low self esteem and co-dependency. I have been away from him over 5 years now and I have improved, but it has been a slow process.
Keep coming back and I as I'm sure others will help.

Take Care

Tex (Vicki)