Disappearing act - Depression Message Board

backtomyoldself · 07-06-2003, 01:11 PM

I am so tired. It is not because of work or activities but rather the opposite. You might say, "well, if you are that tired, then maybe it's time to do something about it." That's where my problems start--I don't know what to do. I am confused, and maybe a little furious. I have one activity, and that is--studying. That's it. There's not much going on and yet I am tired. To put it simply, I am tired--emotionally. I feel as though I have to escape from everyone because it hurts to deal with them. Everytime I have to be with relatives, I feel uneasy, like I don't belong. So I choose not to be with them. The problem is they think I don't care. I usually don't show up because (besides the bad treatment in the past, treating me like I am an idiot) I don't find anything good happening when I am there. They always find a way to criticize me. I know I should just go, but it's never been easy. I have been depressed, and they don't know about it either. I am so tired. Tired tired tired.

normorcrazy · 07-06-2003, 01:41 PM

I really don't know what to say. I'm sorry you feel this way, but don't give up on yourself. Find people you can confide in. People that understand you. This is a great place. It doesn't seem the same as family, but in some cases it's so much better. Are you receiving treatment for depression? If not, or if it's just not working maybe you should change what's not working. I'm a strong believer in "you are your only strength". You have to try to build up your inner self before you get results with your outer self. Hang in there and keep us posted. I wish I had words of wisdom to make you feel better, but I don't and I'm sorry I don't.

backtomyoldself · 07-06-2003, 01:42 PM

I think I am scared to see them coz it reminds me how stagnant my life has been. Almost all of them have changed in one way or another. I am the same old me. Pathetic. Alone. I guess that is it. I am avoiding them coz I don't know how to deal with how my life look like compared to theirs. Sigh.

backtomyoldself · 07-06-2003, 03:24 PM

Norm, thanks for your reply. With regards to people I can confide in--I have none. I mean I don't have one whom I feel I can be honest about what's really going on in my life. I am my own therapist, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I think that is one reason why I am soooo tired. If there is someone who will understand me, then maybe I will feel better. I am thinking of seeing a therapist who will help me adapt with life--the stress, anxiety, phobia, etc. Personally, I am not leaning on taking medications--maybe cognitive therapy will benefit me more. However, I am currently unemployed so there's no way I can afford one. There are many other things going on that I can use the money. If I could only disappear or go away--far from what stresses me, I would...I would.