I need help - Depression Message Board

Clay · 07-06-2003, 07:09 PM

Based on the research I've done, I'm almost certain that I suffer from some sort of depression -- whether or not it's as severe as I think it is, I don't know. What I do know is that I must, at some point in the near future, gather the courage to speak to my parents about it, this way I can get some definitive answers from a professional. I just don't know how to approach them.

I'm certain that my problems have nothing to do with the way I was raised. I have a great family. My biggest fear in telling my parents is 1.) they'll begin to look at me differently, and 2.) they'll start to believe that they've "failed as parents."

I've felt depressed for a long time, but I do a decent job of masking it when I have to. I do have some good days, but the bad ones far outweigh the good ones. I also tend to be shy at times, so I can always blame my quietness on that. Truth is, there are times when my quietness has nothing to do with being shy, and everything to do with not having the energy to converse with people, be it family, friends, strangers or whatever.

To make a long story short, I'm just totally sick of feeling the way I do. Telling my parents how I feel is the first step in getting rid of this problem, and I can't even bring myself to do that. I realize that the longer I ingnore things, the worse I'll become. I don't want things to get worse.

ffsmith · 07-06-2003, 07:40 PM

You are pretty smart to realize that your parent will look at you differently.
I never realized that or how things could never be repaired until it was too late.

There is a BIG difference however.
I do not consider my parents to be that “great”
As far as thinking they have failed as parents, mine either already know it, do not care, or with never believe it no matter what.

If yours are really good parents I guess you have to trust that they will not see you differently and that there love is truly unconditional.
Of course I tried to have that trust too… now after being let down I do not trust anyone…

Come to think of it, why don’t you either just tell a family doctor or break it to them really lightly.
Maybe concentrate on the energy thing.
Say some thing like “it is really no big deal but I have been feeling so tired and run down lately I would like to see a doctor?”

Or you could talk to a counselor at school. Probably hard now that it is summer hey?

Maybe make something up that does not seem so bad at first, like ”I have been having theses really bad dreams lately, do you think I could talk to a psychologist about them?”

Or “I just saw this TV commercial with a bouncing ball and I seem to feel a lot like they described, would it be possible to see a doctor and see what he thinks?”

I do not know… trust are honest are best…can you trust you parents enough to be honest?

Clay · 07-07-2003, 11:09 AM

I just think it's natural for them to react that way. The last thing I want is for them to feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me. I don't know, maybe that's part of the problem -- I seem to care about other people's feelings more than I care about my own.

I know this might seem trite to some of you, but it really is something that I've struggled with for a long time. I have to get over this feeling of shame.

Anyway, thanks for the reply.

ffsmith · 07-07-2003, 11:30 AM

I do realize that it is a real problem. Believe me.

See, even if it is the “natural” reaction that does not mean that you parents could not make an effort to not react that way.

You could tell them flat out, “do not treat me any differently, and do not walk around me like you are an egg shells”
Then if they still do it at times you could draw their attention to it and tell them that their behavior really bothers you a lot.

There are always going to be slight changes, but in my opinion if your parents can at least be trusted to make an effort to not react that way that would be great.

That is all I really wanted from my parents, but they would not even make the effort.
Or make an effort to even listen to what I really wanted from them.

Ever

[This message has been edited by ffsmith (edited 07-07-2003).]

wannabehotguy · 07-07-2003, 04:27 PM

Clay I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Sometimes it is scary to ask our parents for help and in all cases it is OK to do so. Nobody is perfect and you are not a bad or inferior person because of any depression or anxiety. I suggest you tell your most caring parent that you feel most comfortable around and let them in on a bit of what is going on. Clay, it is very important that you get your psychological needs met. If they are not met you may plumet into other types of mental illness such as borderline personality disorder, or psychosis. Those disorders are horrible and you don't want to head in that direction for your own health. That is why it important to address your issues as soon as possible. I suggest not taking any anti-depressants as they will probably not work. Anti-depressants may almost always cause headach,or excess anxiety. Cognitive therapy is the best way to go and it is very similar to learning a new subject in school. Therapy does NOT involve blaming, insulting, criticism, or judgement. Therapy is an awesome place to discuss any issues, past traumuas, or improvements that you would like to make in your life.