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Old 06-24-2003, 09:07 AM   #1
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mikess HB User
Post Who Cares, Really!

Notice how there is really no one to talk too. Friends and family dont understand. You say the "s" word to doctors and you will spend the week in a nut house. We all can talk til our head blow-up and, really, how much will it help.

Will it make our pain go away? Will you get better?

Answer: NO-Never

I dream of a normal live and then wake up to my hell everyday with no one to talk to and no that understands. Even if there was someone that understood, nothing would get better. And my wife and family wonder why i'm so depressed.

 
Old 06-24-2003, 04:50 PM   #2
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reneeintx HB User
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Mike~

I feel the same way as you. There's no one to talk to. I could win the academy award for "faking, being fine"to the outside world, meaning shopping or passing people on the street. I wear a painted smile on my face. Inside my heart is breaking.

I have a husband and 2 kids. I think my husband turns a deaf ear to my depression these days. He's tired of listening to me, frankly I don't blame him.

My extended family lives 1200 miles from me. I don't know if I'd tell them anyway about my depresson,for fear of being ridiculed.

At least you have friends..I have none where I live now.

I cry alot on the outside, but mostly on the inside. Some days I hate myself so bad...

You're right about telling a doctors about the "s" word. I don't want to be in a nut house. I'd rather be in my house alone with my miserable self.

Renee

 
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Old 06-24-2003, 09:01 PM   #3
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ffsmith HB User
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Yes I have told the story before about how my therapist has said that she would notify the authorities if I would tell her that I really felt like committing suicide.

But she also says that she wants me to be honest with her and tell her if I feel this way. She said that it was a necessary condition of her seeing me that I would call her and tell her if this is how I felt.

I told her ‘I promise not to tell you because you have stated what your reaction would be and I do not trust you to keep things confidential.’

She still sees me. I guess the money was more important than the openness?

There are people to talk to
I have never had a friend and I do not talk to anyone in my family.
But I do attend a support group and I do work and I see a therapist.

But you are right it does seem that there is not really anyone who TRULY cares.

If I had a telephone, there is a man at the group I go to that would call me every weekend if I asked him to.
Of course he feels better, when he helps people, but I believe that he cares too. Thinking right now, that is about the only person that I know whom I would classify and “caring”.

What strikes me a DEVASTATINGLY sad about your posts is that you are married and have a family. I know that just being married and having a family is not a cure for depression. But why can’t families help one another??

I do not know why I am so surprised, my family has taught me that people are evil and everyone is out to take advantage of everyone else. And who better to use, manipulate and take advantage of then your own family.

So I guess I am not surprised that your family is not a help just saddened.

I do not think that it is necessary for family members to truly “understand” depression to be able to be supportive and positive and helpful?

Form my point of view if your family does not care, you probably will not find any one that does. And because mine does not I thus feel that there is no hope. Because there is no hope there is not much reason to live.

I get sad every morning when I wake up and realize that I am still alive too.

I blame your husband Renee, he should not turn a deaf ear to you. He may need to recharge his batteries, but he should be there for you.

I can over hear my father talking right now. He is putting people down for not being more interested in his little extra-curricular group. They are not acting the way he wants so they are “lacking”. They are not interested.

He makes me so ANGRY. He is so selfish, he has never shown an interest in me or his marriage or family that much. He needs to shut his mouth and learn how to care.

They wonder why I am depressed too.

 
Old 06-25-2003, 01:03 AM   #4
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BrianKosh HB User
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Well I am assuming you don't mean the word ******, so I take it it's suicide... Is that the forbidden word of the day? My friend has tried several times, he was successful this time. I found out a few hours ago... And... not to sound selfish, I'm numb... Not a damn thing I could do...
So, It comes down to this. Why R U suicidal? What are u feeling? no, I am not trying to be morbid, or get in your head. Just wanted to know what and why Mike.

[This message has been edited by BrianKosh (edited 06-27-2003).]

 
Old 06-25-2003, 01:35 AM   #5
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Simon HB User
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Hello-
yes, i agree with you that there really aren't many genuine, interesting, kind people out there to talk to, but they do exist. Also, it is necessary to learn how to deal with yourself, to learn how to set your own mind at ease so that when you encounter all of these ridiculous people it will not bother you. One should never feel the need to talk about the weather or sports (or whatever) if they don't want to. If you are depressed in your life, then change it. We all need to find something that will bring meaning to our lives. Stand up for yourself, don't accept the system, live the life that you want to. Remember, most of the great people in the past didn't like what they saw around them, so they changed it. I know it is painful at times, but we all must stay strong. Take care.

 
Old 07-18-2003, 01:39 AM   #6
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Mr.Devine HB User
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Hi. I feel a deep, deep sadness for Renee in TX. I think you should write your relatives about this, and be painfully honest. Maybe they can rescue you in some way. You are too isolated. I am a gay man, 33 in fun Los Angeles, but for some reason I felt a genuine ache at your post. I hope you read this someday. Life is too short (it is said...) so I hope you live the rest of it exactly as you want to. I really wish the best changes for you.

XOXOXO Mr. Devine

 
Old 07-18-2003, 06:54 AM   #7
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Indigo29 HB User
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I feel a lot like you. I don't go to therapy because they're just quacks. They don't give a rip and I don't want to give my money to them. I live in a self created hell. I don't tell anyone how I really feel because it serves no purpose.

 
Old 07-18-2003, 08:51 AM   #8
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Mikess,
I understand what you are saying. I spent my entire childhood and teen age years feeling and believing that. In actuality the small social group that I was surrounded by were people whom lacked in empathy, sympathy, and basic communication skills. And even though these people I was around were educated or smart that doesn't mean that they were mature mentally or emotionaly. For me it was like asking a two year old brat for empathy or support. My parents,family, friends and teachers I looked up to were all like that. Believe me it was devastating to my self esteem and confidence, as I always felt as if I were doing harm and always wrong and thinking wrong.

Because it is common that people are suffering from borderline personality disorder, sociopathy, bipolar, or ignorance it is safer to rely on ourselves for support. This takes a lot of practice and learning. The information of how to support ourselves comes from a therapist or from books. It takes studying , you cannot get this info out of thin air. I did several years worth of cognitive therapy and healing shame and I am doing much better today than I was three years ago.

Something to remember is that the people who don't understand, listen, have empathy, or support are also people who don't have those skills for themselves. Whatever cold and apathetic attitude they have towards you, they have it towards themselves. They will never discuss this with you because they do not see it as an issue. These people are often so dysfunctional that they think their ideas are the best and they do not need to change or improve. These people can be selfish with affection or praise, they can consistantly talk about themselves, and you can see their eyes glaze over once you open your mouth to talk about anything. These people are people that I try to stay away from as much as possible even if they are relative or parents.

Good luck

 
Old 07-18-2003, 08:54 AM   #9
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You will find people that do care. It has been a hard journey for me yet I have found people that do care and listen. I do understand what you are saying because I've been in that situation for many years were it seemed that everybody I met was a cold and hateful jerk.

[This message has been edited by wannabehotguy (edited 07-18-2003).]

 
Old 07-18-2003, 03:51 PM   #10
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Blame in my opinion is NOT convenient at all. In fact when a person places blame on another person then their self esteem is decreasing.

For example when I was a child and teen suffering from severe never ending depression and panic attacks. My parents would say the same thing stop blaming us for your problems. When in actuality I was asking if I could go see a therapist for mental help. They claimed that I was trying to suck the money out of them, and they distorted my requests for help as blame and hatred. A child is a victim of parents who have borderline personality disorder then will often become a teen or young adult subconciously searching for people to befriend who resemble their parents. So in others words it was common for me to have friends and know people that had emotional illness. That is my personal story. NOT everybody will have have a similar situation to myself.

As a psychology major, I have never come across the advice of looking at yourself in the mirror ever in my life. That to me is useless advice. Looking at yourself in the mirror and doing what? Hating yourself, picking apart at all the flaws?? One doesn't KNOW what they are like until they seek group counseling or therapy. Just like an anorexix person cannot see that they're NOT fat. It is problem best handles with real therapy and not with simple advice of look at your self in the mirror and make changes. One must know how to do so and in a safe way!

 
Old 07-20-2003, 07:36 AM   #11
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For some reason, I just now noticed and read this thread. I identified with the first few posts. I was born into a family that doesn't care, so it's kind of hard for me to be "normal," whatever that is. I've never felt good enough for anyone because I wasn't good enough for my family. I was born before the days of effective birth control and before abortion was legal. I have no doubt that I wouldn't be here had either option been available to my mother (she was poor and couldn't afford the illegal abortions that were performed at the time). She tried to give us all away many times. She eventually did give us away, one by one.

Then, there's the therapy part. I did that in the past. There was minimal benefit for me and big time pain with the talking.

From what I've seen, therapists spew exactly what they've been taught. It's basically all theory. Many therapists have their own issues, and that's why they become therapists. It's like the blind leading the blind. I don't mean to offend anyone by saying these things. It's just how I feel right now. If anyone feels otherwise and is helped by therapy, that's great.

I think of therapists like that guy on SNL a few years ago, the one who would look in the mirror and tell himself he was good enough and smart enough... Al Franken, I think. Somebody used the term rose-colored glasses a while back. Therapy teaches you how to put them on and believe a lie.

I may eventually change my mind about therapy, but right now I'd just like to see things clearly and be honest with myself. I am not normal. No matter how brainwashed I would get, I still wouldn't be normal. I'd rather meet some good people, like I have here on the board, and feel somewhat better because I'm finally communicating with others, even if it's just through the computer. That's a start. Whatever works for the individual, right?

 
Old 07-21-2003, 09:31 AM   #12
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What Al Franken was doing was a raising self esteem technique used mostly to get a confidence boost. That is my opinion is not at all therapy. That method doesn't work until later in life once you've actually healed some traumas and emotional scars etc. and done REAL cognitive therapy.

The therapy I've gone through really worked on my most frightening, morbid, and depressed thoughts and feelings and past situations. Thankfully 2 therapists that I have worked with did not have their own issues to project foward at me. And YES I've been with three other therapist and it was like the blind leading the blind. Absolutely hopeless and useless for me during that time period.

Good luck to you and please do not give up.

 
Old 07-21-2003, 11:23 AM   #13
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Hi Hot Guy,

It's really encouraging to hear stories like yours. I have been able to put the past away, for the most part. I don't feel a lot of pain with that any more. I wouldn't be human if it didn't still hurt from time to time, but my past doesn't lead me or my thoughts around. It's the present that's the hard thing. I think it was you who pointed out all the negativity around me, and it's so true. If I could surround myself by caring people who wouldn't hurt me so much, I think I would be able to deal better with the people who will hurt me no matter what. It's finding those caring people that's the challenge. I haven't given up yet. Thanks for the encouragement. Here's a smile for you .

 
Old 07-21-2003, 03:28 PM   #14
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I have had the same problem since I was about 14. I have been one just about every medication there is for that. It is called a chemical imbalance, depression, bi polar etc. Well I have been told I have it all. I have been on alot of medicines and I don't know if you are on any medication and not everyone is the same. Some medicines are good for one person and not the other. It may be you are on the wrong medication if you are on medication. It took me about 15 years to find the right medication but now all my days aren't bad one's. I still have bad days but every one does. Not everyone will understand you but who wants to think like every one else. Then life would be boring. Maybe you just have to find a better way of explaining yourself. Everyone thinks different they also understand differently. Please don't think I am telling you to take medication or anything. I've been to counselor and crazy doctors and some will say I don't need the medication that I am like I am for many different reasons while others say I do need to be on medications. Myself I believe I need the medications, and the people around me can tell the difference when I am not taking my medication but it may be different for you. I hope you feel better some day it took a while but I feel better now.

 
Old 07-21-2003, 03:35 PM   #15
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It's very hard to decide to tell someone about these things. Those people seem like such outsiders. They have no idea what's going on. Would they label me? Would they hate me? Would they talk about me as a freak behind my back? A million questions run through our mind and they never can be answered for sure...
Kristina
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Just doing what's quintsessential...

 
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