HI - My Introduction - - Depression Message Board

Suthern Redd · 08-11-2003, 10:49 PM

Hello,
I wanted to jump in and introduce myself to the Forum. My name is Genessa. I am married 15 years with 2 children, our daughter (infertillity baby) is 12 and our son ( conceived natural) is 3 1/2 years old. We have 3 dogs and a cat and we live on a acre in Tennessee.

I have been living with depression and anxiety for most of my life. I am a only child married to a wonderful man with a huge family.

I was diagnosed in Jan '01 with both Depression & Anxiety. At that time I was given Wellbutrin Sr 150mg's 2 times a day and .5mg of Xanax 2 times a day. I did this routine for 8 months and then had a life altering experience and thought I could handle it on my own again.....- well -.....I was wrong.
I stopped both med's cold turkey in Oct'01 and then crashed in Mar '02. Upon returning to my Dr I was then prescribed 20mg of Paxil and at week 5 a Miracle walked into my life -- Happiness again -- for the first time in a long,long time...I felt good -
I wanted to take on the world and that is what I began to do.

I had just lost both of my parents - 8 weeks apart, of natural causes - in the Fall of '00 and we were in the process of making a huge family out of state move away from everyone {friends & family} to raise our children in my family home and to give them the best life we could...I continued to be a homemaker and my husband gained a great position with our Sheriff's Dept and he is also a Us Army Reservist. Through the transition I was fine but once settled in I felt I had given up my entire life and friends - for nothing...

The depression grew to a new height and my anxiety sky rocketed. I got to the point I couldnt leave the house, didn't want anyone coming by to visit...Just wanted to crawl up into a ball and die... The Wellbutrin I think was when first prescribed something that just "fixed" the booboo but didn't make things really better...the Xanax was a great relief...but once stopped I was fine for about 4 months and then BAM it hit - full speed ahead...

I went in and then started the Paxil and I can tell you that first day I really felt it sink in I thought I was - cured...Well I wasn't...That was good for about 7 months and then around that 8th month the clouds started to creep back in...so we went in for a adjustment and I went up to 30mgs a day...I never felt that extra 10 kick in and about 4 months later I stopped the Paxil - I had gained 35 lbs (which I wasn't seeing) and I was miserable...I had asked my Dr for the Wellbutrin again for the weight control of it and so when I stopped the Paxil I then about 3 months later started the Wellbutrin for depression and weight control...Well the Wellbutrin causes the "bite" in me that some express they expereience and I hate it...
I hate the irritability I get from the Wellbutrin...

So now I am on must 1 dose of .5mg of Xanax for a while to see what happens...I don't know where it will lead but a road once walked, it's been a while, so now it is time to take that road again...

I am here to help anyone with my experiences I can - to offer a shoulder or an ear...

Thanks for listening!

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~ SuthernRedd ~
As a new plant breaks the ground with great difficulty, so must we sometimes push against difficulty, to bring forth our dreams.

Janik · 08-12-2003, 07:26 AM

In addition to all those meds, were you ever seeing a therapist?

Xanax helps a lot with anxiety, but not really with depression.

Suthern Redd · 08-12-2003, 02:33 PM

Thanks for asking...

At the time this all began and I was first told that I was suffering from depression and anxiety - No, I wasnt seeing anyone but my Dr. Then we went through a HUGE move and adjustment period and some days I am still getting adjusted to having moved -- 2 years later...

Through the all this time I have tried many avenues to hod things together in order to keep going everyday and keep my spirits up...But now I am coming to the realization that I can not do that and that I do need someone to help me through the ups & downs besides the wonderful help I receive from my supportive husband.

I am now actively in the process of finding a therapist awaiting a referal from my Dr and then moving onto another Dr for treatment and support...
I need to learn coping skills on letting things of the past go and open up to a brighter future...

Thanks for asking,

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~ SuthernRedd ~
As a new plant breaks the ground with great difficulty, so must we sometimes push against difficulty, to bring forth our dreams.

wannabehotguy · 08-12-2003, 02:50 PM

I think we are seeing a pattern here. The pattern is that after you've had some success with elevated mood levels and you stop taking the medication you plummet back into a depression or chronic anxiety. That is a pattern. Maybe we can learn from this pattern by realizing other options and opportunities that could be helpful and even a cure.

One option is to taper off the medication, stop seeing the psychiatrist, and start seeing a cognitive therapist. And maybe enroll into group therapy. Also it is so important that you discuss all your traumatic issues with the therapist but most important is that you feel comfortable with the therapist, make sure they empathise, listen very well, and bring about encouragment of healing and self work. If you've had these problems your whole life then maybe it is because you never learned how to have empathy for yourself, and cope with anger, sad, anxious, of envious feelings. A good and well trained therapist will teach you how to love and accept yourself and hopefully they bust any of the negative beliefs that you hold about yourself and other people. I pill will not any of that work for you. That is why they call it self work. A pill is just a pill with chemicals that can elevate your mood just like alcohol can elevate our moods. It is basically the same concept because with chronic alcohol use you are still not learning new social skills, coping skills, self skills, loving skills, and knowing about healing shame.

Many of the people on this board will post suggestions hopefully you will find them helpful.

wannabehotguy · 08-12-2003, 02:51 PM

Hope it helped.

[This message has been edited by wannabehotguy (edited 08-12-2003).]