After growing up with a mother with major depression and watching her do nothing but lie in bed all day, every day, I vowed to myself that I would never end up like that. But now I am almost 21 years old and I am exactly like that. It seems that as of late the depression has gotten so much worse - it is like a perpetual black cloud is hanging over my head. I can't keep a job, I have no friends, and I am so tense that I am constantly treating the few people in my life like crap. I don't want to be this way, but it just seems so hard to change.
I've always been torn on my view of mental illness. Sometimes I think it is something that just needs to be fought against and can be easily overcome, and other times it seems like a very real disease. I keep feeling guilty for 'being this way' but is it really something I can fix on my own? I have no money for counselors or medicine or anything. I have read things that say depression is just as real an illness as something like diabetes, and you can't just wish it away. Is this true?? I keep thinking that all I need to do is put some effort forth and I could make myself feel better...even though I have been like this for years.
I guess I'd just like some input from others dealing with this problem. Is depression really a disease, or just a state of mind? Is there anything I can do (that doesn't cost) to help? Also, my parents have talked about getting me on SSI because of my depression, but I feel stupid doing that because it seems like being depressed is my fault, and I should be able to help it. I'm just so confused, and the confusion doesn't help the depression!
Cass
__________________
The grass is always greener on the other side...until you get closer and see that it's astroturf~
if you were diagnosed with cancer, would you try to tough it out and hope it away? Or would you seek the appropriate medical help?
it is the same difference with clinical depression. it is a medical disease and the nice thing is it is cureable and treatable.
you say you cannot afford medical help, I think you cant afford not to. you should be able to participate in mental health programs in your area at low or no cost to you because you are an adult and you are making a below poverty level income. even at that, how much would it cost for you to see a general practicioner to get a prescription for an antidepressant, $50-$100? Many pharmacuetical companies have programs for low income persons where for example you pay just $5 a month for a month's supply of antidepressant. Some companies will offer their product free if you meet certain guidelines and most doctors provide samples to get you started.
You say you have been suffering with this for a long time, obviously your willpower isnt going to make it go away, the only thing that will work is medical help. I know, I have been there.
If you knew that a year from now your life could be so much better and you could be so much more productive all because you seen a health professional, wouldnt you do it? No matter what it took and what you had to do? That is where the willpower comes in, will yourself to get help and not settle for anything less. You deserve to be happy. You have a disease that needs prompt medical treatment and none of this is your fault.
It is real alright. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. It doesn't just go away on its own. You are not weak...you have an illness.
You should check the yellow pages for mental health clinics in your are to see if there are any free services. Phone the hospital and ask the same. Try phoning a crisis line and asking if they can suggest anything to you.
Id have to partly disagree on that for the time being.I used to think I was depressed but thats just cuz I was bored and there was nothing at the time going on in my life.Depression can often be misdiagnosed and Im living proof of that.
------------------
"I seek strength, not to be greater than my
brother, but to fight my greatest enemy- myself."
"Sometimes we spend all our lives looking for something we already have."
"Everybody is somebody else's weirdo"
animus - [the spiritual or rational principle of life in man]
__________________
Look at me
you may think you see who I really am
but youll never know me
now I see if I wear a mask I can fool the world
but I cannot fool my heart
who is that girl I see,starting straight back at me?
When will my reflection show who Iam inside..
I too thought I could "manage" without help. I had no insurance either. Now, there are so many programs out there to help you. If you dont get help you will just stagnate and not be able to live up to your full potential, like i have for the past 5 years putting it off...for lack of insurance. Now, I am making it more of a priority. I don't want to keep suffering setbacks because of lack of treatment.
Is It Real? 
