I really cannot think to any particular time in my life when I was happy. I have had short spurts of happiness, but for the most part I have always been in a down mood. My depression is inherited from my dad's side. I inherited both depression and alcoholism. I receantly decided to quit alcohol all together. My dad has always had a very negative view on life. He took a lot of it out on me. My uncle was a terrible alcoholic. All of my aunts have depression as well. Sometimes it just feels so unfair that I was born with this. I dont think of it in an self-defeating attitude, it is just hard to compehend what is like to feel good. I just graduated from college and I didnt have an ounce of excitement. I actually got really drunk and was depressed. I ended up going to bed early during my own party. The next night I heard my friends out in the living room laughing at me because I seemed so down and went to bed early. IT just made me feel ill. I should be enjoying my accomplishments. Attractive girls were coming up to me all night congradualting me and I didnt want them to. I felt like being alone. Eck I need to defeat this.
I guess it depends on what you call happy. Happy to me is the day I married my first husband. I was 18 and head over hill in love. Happy was also the days my DS and DD were born. I can't say I ever remember being happy. My DS is 33 years old. He says he never remembers me ever being happy. My DD is 26 years old and says she never remembers me not being depressed.
So there you have it, my 2 kids say I've never been happy. I have been on AD's since 1991. I still have lots of ups and downs and I don't think I know how to relax and try to be happy.
If alcoholism runs in your family, it could be the cause of your depression. When are you going to quit? Once you do, your brain and body have to readjust and it'll take awhile. Treat your body right during that time. Get exercise and drink a lot of water or other healthy liquids. Most people underestimate the ability of alcohol to cause depression. Many alcoholics end up on antidepressants and continue to drink, which is much, much worse. Really, the best thing to do is to quit drinking and see how you feel after a couple of months. I don't doubt that things will look a whole lot different to you then. Good luck.
McGunther, it's very hard to feel happy when you are chemically depressed. I have been on and off for 20 years.
I haven't given up and I'm still here, but of course when I'm in a depression as I am now and fighting to get out of it, I'm not happy and I wonder if I'm ever going to be again.
But I see a dr. that I like very much on Friday and I believe in God and I just pray that upping my dosage of my med will help or adding something else will help.
The years fly by and I would still like to get married and have children and I'm worried because my biological clock is ticking louder and louder and I haven't even found the right guy to marry yet, but I guess I just have to have faith...
Hey, you say you are familiar with alchohol. Have you ever tried getting a nice bottle of wine, on a nice sunny day, going into a field somewhere, bringing some lunch as well, like a fresh sandwich, bringing a walkman with your favorite music, and just drinking, relaxing and watching the nature.... Doesn't that feel happy?
I'm not trying to say alchoholism is a good thing, but sometimes it can lighten you up big time, I think. But that's like artificial happiness. But maybe your experiences booze are different from mine. I actually started drinking to "cure" my depression.
But true happiniss... I"ve been thinking a lot about it. Nothing, nothing in this world can bring it. Look up. God is the answer...
yeah alcohol always seens me to worse depression...and even a couple of days after I drink it still lingers. Once it is all out I feel better, but I have a feeling of guilt in the back of my head because I typically act a bit crazy when I drink. I just feel so weak because all my friends drink and they seem to enjoy it and that I am werid for not wanting to enjoy it. I think I might join an A.A. group. If I could manage to just drink small amounts that would be great. After a beer or two I generally feel good an relaxed...espcially if it is nice and sunny out. But after I drink more and more I get real depressed. I know in the past when I stopped drinking for short periods of time I did feel better. Especially when I was working out too. It is a vicious cycle though. I slowly get back into drinking more and more, then I will hit bottom and feel the need to quit. I will quit for a while and then I will feel ok about it again, and then the cycle returns. Knowing that alcoholism runs in the family is why I am considering quiting. I have been drinking since I was 14, I am going to be 24 next month. In all honesty it has never gotten me anywhere. I do fine in school and work, but emotionally and mentally it has always been bad for me.
Well, I hope you can quit then. Alcohol's hard on your body too. It is a poison, afterall. It's got to be rough when all of your friends drink. I do know people that have a lot of fun and don't drink at all. I was at Jazz Fest in New Orleans recently and a good friend of mine always has a ball there. She never drinks and doesn't smoke pot (another cause of depression and anxiety for some people).
Hey, keep reminding yourself that you'll feel better. If I knew that there was one sure way to do it, I'd be all for it. I know that it'll be hard, but sounds like you've done it before. Now's the best time. I sincerely wish you the best of luck.