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Old 05-13-2006, 02:12 AM   #1
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Anybody else all alone?

And I mean totally alone...no mate, no friends, no family, nobody in the world who cares about you. Nobody in the world who you can call to talk about your day to. Just totally and completely alone on this earth. Everybody who says that they're alone are never really alone. They always have a husband, or a wife, or some relative, or at least one person that they can talk to if they have to. I feel like I'm the only truly alone person in the world.

Sure everybody can feel like they're all alone at times, but I don't think it compares to actually being totally alone. It just hurts at times, like today when all I wanted in the world was a hug, and I realized that there's nobody in the world who could or would hug me. I haven't had a hug for so long.

I'm 25, and I've honestly never really had a boyfriend. I've always wanted a boyfriend, but no guy has ever given me the time of day. And it's not like I'm not putting myself out there enough or something. I've tried everything, and nothing ever works out. I know there must be something wrong with me, but I feel like there isn't. I really do think I'm just unlucky. Maybe I'm destined to be alone.

So that too is making me feel awful. It's getting to the point where, for example, if I see a show on tv about a couple who tragically lost their child, I won't feel sorry for them at all. I get mad and think, "you selfish *******s, at least you got the chance to experience love and have a child." I for some reason or other was never given the chance to love, much less have a child. Even the crazy mean murderers have friends, even love interests. Why not me?

From the outside, I'm sure it seems that there must be some reason for me being so alone. I must be horrifically ugly, or I must be hard to get along with, or there must be something that I'm doing wrong. But try as I might, I can't think of anything that I'm doing wrong. I can't figure out why I'm all alone. I guess maybe I'm just unlucky. I got lost in the population somehow. I don't know what the point of my post is, I guess I just wanted to know if there was anybody else like me out there. Perfectly normal, but without any social contact at all, even though you want social contact.

I've been alone for quite some time now, and as expected, it has taken a toll on my mental well-being. Not being able to share your thoughts with someone really hurts. Knowing that nobody cares if you live or die hurts. After a while, you yourself start to not care whether you live or die. So that's where I'm at right now.

In my Sims game, your sims all have social meters, along with their health and other various meters. If you don't socialize your sim, the meter goes down, and your sim's overall well-being goes down. Eventually, if your sim continues to not have any social contact, he/she will refuse to do anything, saying that he/she is too depressed. And you can't do anything when your sim is in this state, because he/she cries pretty much from the moment he/she wakes up till the time they go to bed. I realized that this Sim game is pretty accurate. I never realized how important socializing is.

So is this true then, that we need to socialize or else we'll automatically get depressed? Because part of me wants to believe that I can achieve happiness while being totally alone. But another part of me knows that I'll always feel like something's missing.

 
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Old 05-13-2006, 02:32 AM   #2
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

Someone I know in the mental health field said to a group the other day, "Humans are pack animals; we don't do well on our own."

That said, it CAN feel lonelier to be physically with someone who has checked out. When you ARE alone, you know you are. When you're in the other shoes, you feel alone and rejected but you have some damn body there, taking up space and sucking energy out of the room. (oh, da**, who said that!).

I think the Sims games are pretty interesting as far as social interaction. I guess any of the MMORPG's are like that, but they can also be addicting. And then that leads people to focus only on the game, and real life friends and potential friends kind of drop off. My ds went through this for a while, until his even more addicted to MMORPGs gf broke up with him and he deleted everything to do with the game they played. Then he "got his life back" as he says. Sorry, off on a tangent.

To your last question, I know I get a little bonkers if I don't get out of the house by about 2 p.m. for a bit each day. It's not a problem so much any more, but sometimes my "people" for the day were at the drive through, well, for long periods anyway.

I had some of those days too, when I was in my 20's. Are you working? Going to school? Church? What kinds of things that involve people do you like or do you imagine you would like?

 
Old 05-13-2006, 09:01 AM   #3
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

I have a Ph.D. in loneliness.

I basically have been alone since 1990. You are correct in pointing out that a lot of people who claim to be alone really are not. in my case, the only people on earth practically that i speak to are my brother and parents, mainly my bro, and lately we have not kept in touch as he is busy and i was busy until recently.

yeah, being alone sucks, but you really get used to it, or i did. i quit even trying to socialize or make friends a looong time ago. what you wrote sheds more light on your pot addiction. it sounds like a situation identical to mine.

 
Old 05-13-2006, 10:28 AM   #4
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

I wish I could say I don't know how you feel but I do. I never sought out friends or company much when I was young. I guess this was because I didn't trust people after being molested as a baby.

I spent most of my time trying to get away from people. I would go for long walks and find a place alone so I could cry. I felt so alone more because people did not understand me than anything else. I was so depressed and with drawn all the time. I never remember EVER being a happy child.

My very "relegious" aunt and uncle used to take me to church with them when I visited. My family did not go to church though they sent us childern to sunday school. Any way I can remember all the talk in church of GOD talking to people. I was far to little to really understand and I thought God really talked to people. I would go to my private places and beg, plead, cry, in my child like ways. ( this was between ages of 6-9 prob) God never spoke to me no matter how much I begged him to help me. I am sure if I had understood you don't actually hear a voice I may have heard something I don't know.

At 18 I left home and moved 1500 miles away from any family. I had no friends didn't want any. Yet I didn't want to be alone. I wanted to be loved and held.

I finally let someone into my life my first love. I was 38 years old. He was a wonderful man. We fell in love almost instantly and were married 2 months after we met.

I was still battling cronic depression yet finally I had someone who loved me in my life and whom I trusted. Even though I was almost 40 my husband wanted a child desperately. I was pregnant very quickly but it was etopic and I almost died. I had to have emergency surgery my tube ruptured and I lost the baby.

9 months later my perfectly healthy 40 year old husband died of a brain tumor. Once again I was all alone. I am now 51. I live totally alone. So person has touched me, held me. Hugged me for so many years I can't even remember. My panic attacks, depression and health have me now on disabilty and I never leave my house.

I see my sister maybe once a month for a short visit she comes over I think just out of guilt to make sure I am alive. My being alone is probably my choice or my illness yet it does not change the damage it does.

You say you get angry at people who have loved and lost a child or spouse. I cry and my heart gets torn when I see family who find each other again, or people who finally get a dream answered. I weep because I wish it were me but I see No dreams answered in my future. How can I look forward, Maybe I should count myself blessed that I was loved once. Yet all I can see is what seemed a joke played on me. Less than 2 years of what could have been. To have it ripped from my body and from my soul. Left empty.

I wish I could tell you it will get better for you. That you will not be alone your whole life. I do so hope your not. With all that is within me I wish you happiness and LIFE.
I am sorry if this is kind of choppy my thoughts are not flowing well today.

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Last edited by Lostwithin; 05-13-2006 at 10:33 AM.

 
Old 05-13-2006, 11:18 AM   #5
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

I am totally alone..I spend my birthday alone, New Years eve alone, Thanksgiving alone, July 4th, Christmas eve and Christmas day alone. The only thing that makes it bearable is that I try to do volunteer work..such as an animal sanctuary or serving meals to the homeless in a soup kitchen. I then don't feel alone because it reminds me that these people and animals are the ones who are truly alone and forgotten.

 
Old 05-13-2006, 03:01 PM   #6
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

Hi Paine. Can I ask you where your family are? I know how you feel because I am exactly the same. I am 25 too and I feel like the loneliest person in the world. The reason why I am so lonely is because I have a very low opinion of myself. I'm always thinking 'why would he want to spend time with me, I'm boring' and so on. I have never had a girlfriend because I think I'm uncool and would probably bore her to death. I'm so jealous of people who have the magnetism to draw people around them. I dont go out to bars etc because when I do I'm just a wallflower waiting for people to come to me, because I haven't the self esteem to make the first move. I too want affection, I just want to know what it feels like to be loved by a girl (not just my mother!). New years eve is a bad time for me.....Just another year to waste.
I believe that everyone needs time alone sometimes, but when one's always alone then it's not healthy. I always worry that I'll end up an old miserable man who's never been loved, and never lived a happy life. I'm so afraid.
Anyway I'm glad that I am not the only person who is like this. That atleast eases my lonliness a bit.

Love
Therag

 
Old 05-13-2006, 06:03 PM   #7
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messy HB User
Re: Anybody else all alone?

Hi paine

Im so sorry to hear of your problems. I know it can be so utterly frustrating when you want to reach out to people and explain, without exaggeration, how alone you truly are, and that simply 'feeling alone' doesnt count, etc. I know it must be a bit of an insult to hear from people who might say they understand n in the same situation too,- but then go on to mention one or 2 people they do have in their lives. I dont mean any offense at all to anyone else, just trying to say that I totally hear you personally, paine, n thats what you need, to be truly heard. Youre right, there arent many people who are truly, truly alone physically, even though they may feel it. Im no different to everyone else, although I feel very much alone, I do live with my mum and have one or 2 friends, tho I very rarely see them. But youre right, the word 'alone' is thrown around way too casually and Im sure you so desperately want people to understand what it really means, as in your case *hugs.
I wanted to ask, to second what Therag asked, where is your family? I mean, do you have family out there somewhere but just never in contact with them? Are they miles n miles away? or do you just have no relationship with them? In other words, are you alone because theyre out there but not in your life? Out there somewhere but they dont want to know you? Or do they just not exist at all (that would mean every single family member u have had has died)! Im sure you know what I mean. I think Im really trying to get at the point of...why you have been seperated from anyone in your life in the first place, as we all have family (friends maybe different altogether). That isnt to say theyre in any way in our lives though.
Just to pick up on certain things in your thread- its detrimental to use strong words like 'must, should, I must be this, I must be that'. You said that, 'there must be something wrong with you, but you feel that there isnt'. Thats because there is nothing wrong with you! You just cant understand why things happen the way they do and I can totally understand that darling. Maybe youre just too nice! Im a year younger than you and I can relate to a lot of what you said. You said you've never 'really' had a boyfriend - that must mean youve had one n therefore totally worthy of being loved n attracted to, but maybe you just dont see it quite as a 'proper' relationship. Maybe it only lasted a week, or maybe it was just a casual thing that you look back on in hindsight and cant label it as having a 'boyfriend', full stop. Fact is though hun, you are worthy of being loved, you are special, n there is certainly nothing wrong with you. If it helps any, Im a bit the same when it comes to blokes, Ive had only one 'not proper boyfriend' and it ended very quickly- the reason I mention the bloke thing particularly is because I know at certain ages in life, we will refer to that over n over in order to measure our loveability. Hey its quality not quantity, in every area of life. Any relationship you have had didnt last because of lack of quality, Im sure of it. On their part, not yours.
Oh and youre right-you said that you cant think of anything that youre doing wrong. Thats because youre not doing anything wrong! Just because you dont understand why things work as they do, doesnt mean its your fault! Youre not to blame for anything. Life, and people are just pure mysteries sometimes. I dont want you to be alone hun, youre young, precious and special. On that note can I ask..does that mean you havent been alone in the past but now are? Its hard to imagine anyone being completely n utterly alone since they were born. I guess people just drift apart and go their seperate ways. I can see tramps on the streets, being ignored by passers by cos no one seems to care, left alone to rot n die. I think theyre alone cos the world doesnt seem to care. (I do though, I always give what I can to tramps, even if I know theyre gonna spend it on drugs n booze)! The world does care about you though hun, I care. Where are the rest of your family?! You said that youve been alone for quite some time now, that means you havent always been truly alone, youve been around to touch n affect other peoples lives. Maybe its just a real lonely n isolated time youre suffering right now. But at 25, thats not gonna last! You have much to offer. I bet youre very pretty and cant understand why men dont seem to respond to you as a result (that would be because their too scared n intimidated by your looks)! Sorry if thats utter *****, but I can just feel theres much more to you than what you say here. Good luck darlin, so sorry to go on soooooooooo much lol but Ive given up caring about how long my posts are n that. Its trivial after all eh?
luv michelle x x x

 
Old 05-14-2006, 08:31 AM   #8
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

hey, i just wanted to add something: loneliness can be quantified, i believe. that is to say, it's an additive thing, it builds on itself and gets worse and worse. that's why i say i understand loneliness despite self-admittedly having three people to talk to, even though two of them i hate and rarely speak to.

i am 35, no friends, no gf (ever), and not much of a future. however, loneliness truly doesn't bother me anymore and hasn't for a very long time.

it bothered me when i was making the transition in the early 90s from a life with friends and fun to one consisting mostly of substance abuse. back then, the fun of company and camaraderie was still fresh in my mind and something that was missed.

gradually, over time, as it disappeared completely and never returned, i came to accept it and i would even say, like it to some degree. it depends on your view of people. i generally find that people suck. also, just like alcohol or drugs, one can develop a dependence on people and human contact.

i know people who literally can't spend five min alone or not talking. it's not pretty, in fact it's nearly as ugly as a lifetime of loneliness.

 
Old 05-14-2006, 09:14 AM   #9
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

Yeah I agree with you 'very tired' to some extent. But I'm finding that the older I get the more I yearn to have company...especially a girl to fall in love with. I just want to know what it feels like to have someone devoted to me, and someone I can devote to. I want to know how it feels not being alone (especially on valentines day), because it hurts seeing couples so happy. I'm getting more and more terrified of being alone as I get older.....New years eve is a dark time for me...I have nothing to look forward to, and my feelings intensify when I see people so happy celebrating. I wish I could turn back time and change the way I have lived. I know I'm only 25 but I dont see myself ever changing. Loneliness never bothered me when I was younger, as I was a competitive cyclist from the age of 15, and solitude was perfect for the lifestyle (no one to disrupt my training), I was in my own world, but when I started college at 17 I saw that everyone else was having fun, going to parties etc. This made me feel alienated from everyone and I became withdrawn. You know what I hate most of all?....Weekends. Atleast in work I have people to talk to. People ask me what I have planned for the weekend, I have nothing to say, then everyone talks about the 'great' weekends they have had. I'm ashamed to say that I lie about what I did (going to parties etc), I hate lying but I feel so dull. My friend in work is the kind of person who speaks her mind, and keeps telling me I have to live my life while I'm young. How can I when I feel so bad about myself?

 
Old 05-14-2006, 04:45 PM   #10
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

Sometimes what you see isn't really reality..you may "see" couples celebrating and having a good time..but one never really knows what happens inside their home..they may be fighting or arguing all the time..one or both of them may be truly miserable. Being married or in a relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be. I know several people in unhappy relationships or marriages..this is not to say that all people who are married or coupled off are unhappy. It takes a lot of work. I know friends who are very lonely in their relationship, because their boyfriend or husband spends all their time at work or on the computer. Valentines day is really a day for Hallmark..nothing really special. When I did have a boyfriend on Valentines Day..it was a very stressful time for the both of us. I felt we were "forced" to do something like buy flowers or candy for each other, then having to go to a restaurant with all these other couples, with flustered waiters rushing around. It just seemed so fake and forced. Valentines day is not all it's cracked up to be. Pay no attention to it when it comes around..it is just a made up day for Hallmark so they can make money for selling cards and flower shops. It's way too commercialized..a lot like Christmas. I just ignore it when I don't have anyone in my life. If I hear of anyone talking about what they will be doing on Valentines day..I just walk away and say I need to get something done. It seems society tells us we will be miserable if we are not coupled off, but that is not true. Sometimes I feel a lot less stressed when I am alone, then when I am in a relationship. I would not mind being alone for the rest of my life, and have no fear of "growing old" alone..because I know I can always make friends and have people to care and to talk to on the phone. If I retire..(can't wait to get older) so I don't have to work 40 hours a week..I am excited to be moving to a retirement community and have people to talk to and play bingo with and go on shopping trips with. If you hear people talking about the great weekends they had..maybe their weekends weren't so great..just excuse yourself and walk away..I do that a lot after holidays when I am alone. If I hear people talking about their holidays with their family at Christmas or Thansgiving when I spend it alone..I usually just walk away for a while. Many times, people go to visit their family..and then they talk about all the stress and squabling that goes on, and how they couldn't wait to get home. I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes the grass is not greener on the other side.

 
Old 05-18-2006, 10:02 PM   #11
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

Me too, same thing, same age (25). I see a therapist, and my mom (out of guilt for all the s#%* she's put me through as a kid) calls about once every 3 weeks and talks for about 5 minutes about herself before she has to go.

I hate the weekends, too. I like to sleep in, though. On Friday nights I read. I go to church also, but I sit in the back and never talk to anyone. But, I pretend to be busy w/ something in my purse to keep people from approaching me.

I never had friends growing up (and I got in trouble at home, too, for not having friends), and I have none now. I hate holidays, but New Year's is the worst for me. I think that it's easier on me to have no family or lover than it is to have no friends at all. Although all I really would like is for a guy to be w/ me, just the two of us.

Like you guys, I'm completely normal! No one I "know" (neighbors, coworkers, classmates) would even guess that I had this life, even though I don't talk to a single one of them, ever. I go for days at a time without even opening my mouth to say a single thing. I'm used to it by now, I guess.

Good to hear that I'm not *alone* I'm also extremely friendly, kind to everyone. I love working with animals (my landlady won't let me have one so I volunteer at an animal shelter). I used to work at a homeless shelter, but I'd start to envy even the people who stayed there if they came in w/ friends. That wasn't usually the case, but why can't I make one?

 
Old 05-18-2006, 11:20 PM   #12
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

I'm sorry for all of you are feel so alone. It must be awful. I sometimes wonder how I'd manage if I lost my husband and son. Do you think that your inability to connect with others might be lack of self esteem? I never had a lot of friends, but always had some. Seems like those who have a lot of friends, really seem to be confident and like themselves. That's attractive to others, I think. I wish there were some way for you all to feel more confident and deserving of friendship. It certainly sounds like you are but do YOU feel like you are? It just doesn't make sense that some are so all alone in a world so full of friendly people.

 
Old 05-19-2006, 12:39 PM   #13
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

I wouldn't say I am totally friendless, because when I am at work I'm actually a social person, but as soon as work finishes I am alone. I suppose my low self esteem is to blame. I mean at work I have no choice but to be sociable, but then I just want to crawl into a hole and hide.

 
Old 05-30-2006, 04:09 PM   #14
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

sorry i know this is an old thread but this thread struck a chord within me and is soo relevant to me.
im not totally alone i have friends and family and i feel the most alone! its the frustration of knowing that you are not alone but yet they are so far away you cant talk to these people unload yourself uppon them and disrupt there otherwise happy life! i have all these people around me but yet feel as tho im living on the moon with no human contact. i cant remember a time when i felt a passionate kiss from someone (girlfriend,lover) who loved me and whom i loved back! i also feel unlucky in love and feel im obviously destined to be alone, and knowing my luck when i do find that someone they will probably be taken away from me! sometimes i just wanna cry and let everything out years of frustration and pent up anger, but because im not alone i have to keep it in otherwise people will see me as a vunrable target! at least if you are truly alone you can let it out and let go with out people seeing it thinkin what a raving loon! does anyone know how this feels?

 
Old 05-31-2006, 11:59 AM   #15
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Re: Anybody else all alone?

Hi im new here.

I've been alone for years. I spend my b-days alone and my time. I know im nice and polite but in the years i lost my friends.I'm eating myself inside for years, sitting at home doing nothing. My job is going nowhere and i feel empty allways. Sometimes i wonder why life is so hard for me. It hurts my mother really bad and she wants to help but she can't. Music is all there is for me. It's like im a robot sometimes building up. Im ashamed of myself a lot for not getting any work. I went to a psych for a couple months but that didnt help me, i just want friends but they dont want me, its pathetic. Sometimes i wish i had a brother or sister to talk to, but my mother had a misscarage before i was born. I wonder a lot for how long i can hold this life.

 
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