I am having a horrible time right now. I absolutely hate myself. Everything about myself. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I hate the way I think, the way my mind works. I hate the things I do, the way I deal with stuff. I hate that I feel trapped.
My psychiatrist just added Wellbutrin XL to my Lexapro that i'd been already taking. And she basically said, "I think you're going to need to be on medications the rest of your life" (I'm 22-- she's been seeing me since I was 16). I've tried going off meds several times but always with bad results (bad results that don't show up immediately but gradually reappear over time).
I really hope this Wellbutrin works.. I've only been on it for 2 days.. I was on it a few years ago but stopped because I "didn't need it" and it made me twitch a whole lot.. but I would take the twitching over what I"m going through right now.. oh and I've had a couple car accidents in the last few days.. because I have trouble paying attention to the road.
I just feel like a mess.
The funny thing is, I am in graduate school to become a doctor of psychology.. and I can't even help myself!
But enough rambling.. really.. .how do you deal with the self loathing? Anyone?
awe, im in the same problem you are, i hate myself so much, im developing bad addictions, one would be cutting my wrists, and now im being put on meds (prozac) but im not sure for how long, but im trying to hang in there, i find it the toughest to deal with, and im in such a bad place right now, with so many other issues its hard.
I suppose I just wait untill the feelings pass. Sometimes they dont pass for days. It is ironic that you are studying pshycology lol. But on the other hand I suppose it takes someone who suffers from mental illness to understand.
Nikkaayy- My advice is to stay on the meds for a while. I used to cut myself sometimes but haven't done that for a few years. Be careful w/ the Prozac though, I was on that for about a month, and it made me so much worse (more irritated and everything). I know of some other people who have had that effect too.
Therag- I think I read a statistic somewhere that a surprisingly high percentage of therapists have some degree of dysphoria and/or anxiety. But... I guess if it's mild it's okay. But to be able to function is important!
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