Don't know what to do - Depression Message Board

heirophant · 05-29-2006, 07:25 AM

I have been in the same spot for seven years. I graduated from a community college in 1999. I went to the University of Alaska after that and struggled for 2 years, then failed miserably (of course I failed more than one semester). Then I went home to the Seattle area for 4 years. Got really depressed because I wasn't doing anything there and decided it was time to go back and finish my degree. So I came back to the University of Alaska for a second go at it. I have spent only one semester back, but my grades are C, D, F, F. I failed again. What is it....why do I have no motivation to do anything. Even when I was in Seattle, I just worked at a grocery store, a car, rental company, and as a driver. Dead end jobs. But I had no motivation to quit these jobs until I couldn't take being poor anymore, decided to change my life, but couldn't handle it. I don't even know what I want to do, or even what I am good at. I am mediocre at everything. I dream of having a job that pays me a whole lot to do a whole lot of nothing. I am lazy...I can't even make a new paragraph.

I am 27...all my friends have houses and money to spare. I am sitting in an apartment with two roomates, sleeping on an air bed, typing from a plastic table in the kitchen on an internet connection that doesn't even belong to anyone in the apartment...its just unsecured. Why? Because I am poor and am too lazy to do anything about it. I have bad credit too. I just wish I knew of some way to happiness, because I am not happy an haven't been happy for years. I am so tired of being constantly worried about how I am going to eat....but I don't even know where to begin...I already work 40 hours a week, but only making a measly 9.50/hr...do the math and that is $19000. Poverty for this day and age. Of all my friends, the closest to my income is making $48000. I feel like such a fool and such a looser.

I don't know where I am going with this except I hate my life right now and I want to change it...but now I am beginning to wonder if I can. I keep failing and I know it is hurtful not just to me, but to my entire family. How do I live up to a father that is an airline pilot for god sakes?

tootsiepopbreeb · 05-29-2006, 02:09 PM

Hi there,

Trust me... you are not alone. I don't think I can remember a day that I haven't worried about bills, food, rent, ect.... The only difference that I have is that I am a stay-at-home mom. Not because we can afford it but because I have three children under the age of six. My husband is a car salesman. This means that he works for commision. If he doesn't sell a car, he doesn't get paid. We have had times where his paycheck was $11.00 for a two week period.... not very fun!

Also, I tried to go to college and failed horribly... I love to read and to learn but to get out of bed everyday was too hard and I eventually just gave up. After lots of therapy I know that it doesn't make me a bad person. Some people do well with school, others do not. Try not to feel bad about your money situation... 9.50 is more an hour than I have ever made. Have you tried talking to a credit counselor or some one to help you budget you money? Maybe an outside opinion is what you need.

Just keep trying to do the best you can. If you could have any job in the world, what would it be?

One last thing, about your family..... I don't think any of us live up to our parents expectaions. If we have good jobs, they want grandkids, if we have kids, they want us to have better jobs. Stop comparing your self to your dad... I am sure he loves you and just wants to see you happy....

Bree