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Old 06-10-2006, 01:43 PM   #1
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RainbowFalls HB User
Looking for Advice and Support

There are times where I would just like to talk...to cry and know that the person I am talking to is truly there bc they want to be and not bc they feel they are obligated. I wanna know that they aren't thinking in their head "oh not again", "why is she crying this time", or just have them get tired of me

My depression and emotions escalate bc of the reactions I get. I wish my family and bf understood that if they just comforted me and talked to me that in a second my crying would stop instead of hours of crying leading to such emotional stress. Its a vicious circle. I'm so frustrated!! My whole emotional issues would decrese and be WAY easier if they could just see that it's them that makes me react worse.

Does anyone understand? You need to talk but bc you're afraid of what they'll say/act that you just dont. Then when you get so upset bc you have no one to talk to they freak out and act as if "whats the problem this time". Not knowing that it all origionated from one small place not as huge as it seems.

Please help....it's so hard for me to explain that I feel overwhelmed and life just seems so out of control. I'm 23 and would like to have friends...(mine were all the wrong crowd...typical guys, girls that weren't the typical girl friends I wish I'd had).

I feel better talking but I'd feel even better if I could help my fam and bf to see. He just gets so frustrated and he is an amazing guy but I bring this out in him. I know it's not my fault but at times I blame myself.

Thanks for listening!

 
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Old 06-10-2006, 02:04 PM   #2
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Charme HB User
Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Hi RainbowFalls,

I understand completely as I'm sure most people here do, and it is very frustrating and upsetting. Other people don't understand depression because it's not something they see, and it's as difficult to understand why they don't understand.

You say they freak out when you turn to them. Is that because they don't want to listen, or because they want to help you but don't know how to? Do you think they would be willing to learn more about depression? If so you could find some information for them from the internet resources or books (these exist not just for depressed people but also for friends and family of depressed people). You could also have them speak to your doctor or psych if that's practical. You may find they're as frustrated as you are.

Whatever happens, you aren't alone. Many people here understand your frustration.

Best,
Charme

 
Old 06-10-2006, 02:05 PM   #3
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Ariesladi25 HB User
Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Hey Rainbowfalls,

Sorry to hear you are having a rough time.... It is very understandable, that you would want someone to listen to you talk and really truly, care and understand.... My husband doesnt understand depression, but i guess i am lucky , cause he will let me vent and does not judge me.... Maybe, you could try writting a letter to your loved ones and explain how you feel, it may help ... your family does love you, but not everyone understands what people with depression go through or why we go through it... I am 24 and i feel sometimes like i havent lived enough or enjoyed life like i should, all because of the dreaded depression... anyhow, sorry i couldnt be more helpful, but i would really try writting a letter to your family and bf about how you have been feeling, it will make you feel better... it cant hurt to try !!!
hope you have a great weekend!
amc23

 
Old 06-11-2006, 11:44 AM   #4
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Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Hey Amc23,

Thank you for your post. Its words like yours and caring others that help. I dont have enough of that around me.

My Bf is great. He is sweet, caring and loves me so much. He just one...doesn't have enough time for me, two...is older and his problems in life are far from mine. He doesn't understand bc his are more serious while mine are feel are more serious bc they have to do with my well being as a person and effect my life. As his do but I think depression is huge and can compare to many other problems you know?

Ok...because a year ago I was deeply depressed I have a hard time expressing myself and feelings. I'm sure you understand but people whom are not depressed have a hard time sorting things out and I come across as crazy and not knowing what I am talking about. I wish they would just take it step by step like we all are here and I feel sooo much lighter being able to finally clear my mind and talk about how I feel.

Now...you say write a letter, right? So I have wrote my bf so many emails explaining to hime how I feel. What he can do and stop doing or at least try that would make my emotions less out of control. I think that he just doesn't want to accept or doesnt really have the time. I mean I couldn't possibly explain more that I have. For example...(Maybe you could help me with this...Or CHARME bc after all you are a guy and a very young one at that

One day he and I were fighting..nothing big but just fighting. I didn't really know how to defend my side (bc I have trouble explaining myself) and instead I clammed up and could feel his frustration. In turn I started crying bc I couldn't find the words and as I am getting more upset and emotional I can feel him getting more fed up etc. Noe STOP right there. What I would like for him to do is be like "Baby, I'm here for you...sorry we're fighting I know you upset....lets work this out". Even if I am wrong...I'm extremely emotional at times and all I need is someone there to calm me down and be like lets talk. After I have calmed down we can talk about the intial fight/problem the next day. I'm not saying I wan to get away with everything but he knows how depressed I was...and am now. It really hurts to know that he knows what I've done...how much I was hurting and still fighting or not how he can hear me cry and not wanna stop right away.

Enough for now I'm feeling upset bc I want he and I to work. I really need him to see how I am..how he needs to be if he wants to be in my life. I know that if I can get him to work on that part..when I'm upset how to be there for me fighting or not...not so aggresive and more sensitive. Then very soon I will be ok and be able ot support him etc.

If you have time...either or you would it be possible to ask questions if you dont understand so that I can sort out my feelings more... I know it's so much huh.

Thanks and hope you're both doing well.

Take care.

 
Old 06-11-2006, 12:00 PM   #5
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Re: Looking for Advice and Support

hello rainbowfalls,

I hate to say this but if he wants to be in your life he will have to accept who you are.....everyone has soem sort of baggae, and its the accepting thats is sometimes difficult.... but if you love someone that person will find a way to accept it.... have you guys tried counseling together? is that something he would be open to? I really hope he comes around..... what about the issue with your family, have you ever written anyone a letter or email?

I am sorry i cant remember or not if you said you were on medicaton.... Antidepressant may end up helping you alot, i am now taking lexapro wich i just started on, i still am depressed so i am hoping soon i feel something different!!!

i hope your sunday is going good!
take care,
amc23

Last edited by Ariesladi25; 06-11-2006 at 12:03 PM.

 
Old 06-11-2006, 01:42 PM   #6
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Charme HB User
Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Hey RainbowFalls,

Stick with that thought, depression is huge and really can affect your life no matter what others say. It's not just a change of mood but the way you think too, such as over analysing things people say or having a lack of confidence in things you do. And it affects your energy too. That's my personal experience anyway.

Now here's an example of someone claiming to understand depression but who really doesn't, and I wrote a post about it a few weeks go because it did upset me alot. My twin brother physically attacked me recently (and he's a big bloke), because of my depression. He claimed that I wasn't doing anything to help myself and that I was causing worry to others. Well the problem is (other than him being a control freak) that he doesn't have the slightest clue about depression, he thinks it's only feeling a bit down and nothing more. That's why I wondered if your family and boyfriend were perhaps frustrated because they don't understand anything about depression.

I've just had a thought about your boyfriend though. Before you read any further I want you to promise that you don't take this as an insult, don't think this is what I believe, and don't think I'm sexist! Okay, promised? Then read on. I have known girls in the past to "switch on" the tears during an argument, sometimes about something completely unrelated like my ex used to do all the time. And that is very frustrating, and it's not rare for a bloke to say "then she switched on the tears." I don't want to be flamed for saying that as I know the tears aren't always "switched on" and I'm also aware that blokes do terrible things as well. But is it at all possible that your boyfriend thinks that you're using the tears to...well as you put it...get away with everything? Obviously without me knowing him it's up to you to decide.

I agree with amc23 that if he wants to be in your life he needs to accept who you are, but you need to help him (and your family) understand too. You didn't answer a couple of questions I asked and it would be useful to know. If you don't want to answer them though that's cool.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charme
You say they freak out when you turn to them. Is that because they don't want to listen, or because they want to help you but don't know how to? Do you think they would be willing to learn more about depression?
I have another suggestion, but as it involves going to the doctor I'll put it in the reply to your other post. And RainbowFalls I've been off work since the start of 2005 so I always have time to try and help.

Best to you,
Charme

 
Old 06-11-2006, 11:34 PM   #7
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Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Good Morning amc23,

First off...Godd Luck w/the medication that you have just started. No, I am not taking anything myself and to be honest...I really do not wanna go that route. Somewhere deep down I'm hoping that if I find true support that I'm looking for, (Bf is great when he tries) just a little more understanding or wanting to understand at least, then I feel all will become better. That aspect is complicated. I mean...I never thought the way I felt was that hard to understand but apparently everyone looks at me like I'm talking in a language they do not understand whatsoever!

I know 100% that my Bf wants to be in my life...I'm sure of that much. The problem isn't so much that he doesn't understand but more so as "why"...You know...why can't I do something about it....take control for my life....he is very strong minded however is bery encouraging. The thing is that others love that side of him...as do I but encouragement I am looking for is more simple like getting though the day and not taking control of my entire life right now.

Thank you for your support...I hope he comes around as well. I love him and know that he and I can be extremely happy together and are exactly what the other needs only I'm afraid I won't be given that chance bc he won't wait much longer. He is going through a lot himself and although trying to live with my depression I am still always thinking of how I can make him feel better....so dedicated. At times he says I only care about myself and I cry bc I cannot tell him more how wrong he is. Then I wonder why he can't see that I'm trying.....for him.

Anyway....

My Sunday was not too bad but my Bf was acting strange and we haven't talked all day. Other than that not too bad thanks.

Hope that different feeling you're looking for is just around the corner.

One more thing....would you mind if I asked more about your depression??

Take care

 
Old 06-11-2006, 11:46 PM   #8
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Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Hey Charme,

Good Morning...

Yes it's true, I have not been to bed yet. I'm afraid of getting into bed and feeling alone. Wanting to talk and no one is there to listen.

I just wanted to let you know that...."20 depressed people walked into a bar"....un huh kinda funny....a little.

Seriously, thanks so much for taking the time. Just knowing that how bad or not so bad my day has been, even if I have fought with my Bf....knowing that you understand and what you have said has help makes me feel a whole lot better. Right now, I called him after he had asked me to and he didn't answer. Most times I would go to bed really upset but this time I dont feel as bad nor alone. One thing is bc I wonder how he can know how depressed at times I am...knowing that I had a bad day...why doesn't he call to see if I am doing ok? That just gets to me some times.

So.....I have more than a few things to say in response to your post that is why I am leaving it til tomorrow. Juts wanted to let you know I appreciate it.

Yes thats a real smile.

Have a great day!

 
Old 06-12-2006, 04:29 AM   #9
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Charme HB User
Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Hey RainbowFalls,

Well I was going to wait until your big post to reply, but I thought what the heck you'd probably appreciate a post waiting for you when you check into the forum.

So what time was that you got to bed? It was 7.46am my time that you posted, and you would have laughed loads more at my British humour if you were British!! I did the same thing last night, I didn't want to go to bed and lie for hours worrying and being depressed in general. So I sat up and watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest on dvd with a tub of comfort ice cream (paying for that now with a big spot, bleuch ) and watched repeats on telly until I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. I got to bed at 4.30am and had to get up at 10am to go pee so I'm tired now.

Knowing how much you appreciate my posts and that they make you smile really means alot to me. I was thinking about it last night and then I find you saying it again, well it really touches my heart.

I understand why you don't want to try meds, and don't worry I'm not going to nag you! I didn't want to try them either, I finally realised I needed to give them a shot but none of them have worked even a little and now my psych and I are looking at more extreme soloutions. I'm wondering though if you've considered other options? Things like exercise, meditation, counselling (including Cognitive Behavoural Therapy), diet control, and supplements (St John's Wort, Evening Primrose Oil, B vits, SAMe and so on). It's just something to consider. Much like going to the doctor to be officially diagnosed, I think that if you do something (anything) to try and alleviate the depression people around you may be more supportive.

Uhm, okay I have a twin and when people find out their first question is always "Are you Identical?" To which I always grrr at them (we're not identical before you ask!) and they quickly move onto the next question which is "What's it like to have a twin?" To which I reply "What's it like not to have a twin?" (Lol I'm arrogant!)

I was born with depression and I remember being really miserable as a wee lad, just loads of thoughts that shouldn't run through such a young person's mind, and not knowing why I had to lock myself in the bathroom and sit in the corner in the foetal position crying my eyes out. Growing up I've learnt to hide it (not the anxiety though) but I do wonder what it's like not to be depressed.

Do you see where I'm coming from with all my blethering? It's difficult to understand things until you've been there. Perhaps your boyfriend doesn't understand why you don't understand. I feel like I'm ramming my opinions down your throat but I don't mean to, read what I say as me tossing ideas in the air for you to catch. I'm not going to be offended if you tell me that I'm wrong on one thing or another.

Anyway, I'll keep an eye out for your post, ask as much or as little as you like. I hope this post give you at least one real smile.

Best
Charme

EDIT: I was just cooking my dinner (well microwaving it anyway) and I had a thought. I was saying something to jojo earlier and maybe it applies here too. I was saying how I hate the name "depression", 'cause anyone who is sad can be called depressed, so that's all people think depression is. If it was called ooga booga (well, maybe not ooga booga!) people would take it more seriously and try to understand it more. Hmmm, in hindsight I dunno how useful that is to you, but done now!

Last edited by Charme; 06-12-2006 at 11:07 AM.

 
Old 06-12-2006, 12:53 PM   #10
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Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Well Hey Mr Charme!

How are you? Before I get into anything else.....Uh huh...There is something I want to address...ok?


I've just had a thought about your boyfriend though. Before you read any further I want you to promise that you don't take this as an insult, don't think this is what I believe, and don't think I'm sexist! Okay, promised? Then read on.

Come on... you knew this was coming. Funny thing is making me promise tells me you know what's going to be running through my head. What's even funnier though is that I was actually promising you...

My tears have nothing not do with what you are talking about. Seriously and with all honesty..(please ask if there is anything that you dont understand bc I am not making sense, this is kinda hard for me to explain) at times when we fight I am not crying bc of anything that may have to do with what started the fight. I am crying over being so frustrated, feeling trapped bc he doesn't understand. Also previous fights in which all I needed him to do was help me to calm down..tell me how much he loves me and then even if it's my fault we can talk. W/me so far? After he does that I am ready and willing to take responsibility for what I may have done, apologize for it and be there to support him w/work and make HIM feel better. Is that too much to ask? He sees it as - Why and how do I expect him to help me/be there for me or to stop my tears, when in fact I am crying bc of him. **I need to help him understand that so this doesn't keep happening. Our relationship is suffering with severe damage and I need him. HELP!! It seems as if he and I are at war when the issue is something to do with me. If he can understand that and help me just by once stopping me from crying...bc of him or not then in the future that wont happen bc I'll know that he understands and is able to be what I need. I get scared a lot ya know? I just dont wanna worry about the future when I can hardly deal with now.

Everyone sees me as out of control (I feel that way at least). I think they feel that way bc when I cry there have been times where in the bottom of my stomach I am so scared and sad...I feel alone and I just lay on the floor bc I just can't believe this. If they could only realize the root of the problem can easily be fixed, why wouldn't they wanna help. *SIGH*!!!

Enough of that except for what you and amc23 have said about wanting to be in my life he has to accept me whether basically I have these feelings and emotions for now or for a long time from now (please no). I said that to him this morning....I held my breath, closed my eyes sat up straight and said...something along the lines of: I am very depressed, I love you and either you want to be by my side holding my hand and TRY nothing more or less to help me or we'll have to be friends and nothing more. He said and I felt it...that he wanted to help. One thing....by the end of that conversation I was crying so hard..(probably thought I was nuts...crying was again due to lack of understanding) and I told him he was a typical guy
He left me a voice mail after I hung up on him and let me tell you...My jaw dropped! I didnt know if I wanted to cry, scream or throw something outta complete and outter frustration. Is this all my fault..am I so totally Crazy for wanting to love so much and be loved. His voice mail showed me that 1. either he doesnt understand whatso ever but also that he apparently doesn't want to bc I have explained to him to let him know those views (ones in voice mail) are not what is wrong with me and not why I am upset! He just doesn't wanna be bothered. I dont know. His work and friends seem to mean more. Yet I know he needs me and loves me. It breaks my heart to do this with him.

There is not a face on he to show choking or else ya know I'd have it. I'm only kidding. Honestly I actually like it. Not ramming things down my throat..lol...the fact that you have been honest, shared your opinions and really took time. On the other hand I truly do appreciate tha fact that along with saying that you also added "read what I say as me tossing ideas in the air for you to catch"....so thank you.

Now to answer you question that I didn't answer the first time. I don't think they freak out bc they don't wanna listen but definitely bc they dont know what to do. Now with that in mind I think they DONT wanna listen bc of that reason. My bf for example...he is very busy with work. He gets upset bc we cant be HAPPY when we are together bc I'm always so upset. I want him to know that if he helped me just once...one long talk and no one leaves til we both understand...then I will Be happier and we can move forward from the point on. As of right now I'm sinking and have been for a while now. I also think he doesn't wanna hear me cry so much, he'd rather us talk about good things etc. etc. There is many answers to that question. Plus when I cry instead of comforting me (in which case my crying would cease rather quickly) they just sit there and give me more time to think in my head and by the end of the day I'm still crying and they freak out wanting to know whats wrong. HELLO...not only do I have to deal with daily depression but previous problems and emotional issues I had asked for help and to no avail!

As for the second part willing to learn about depression? No, they want me to better myself and not be depressed. If it were that easy. They know its not but still push.

SO....now on to you whatcha having for dinner? And by saying you were cooking it you meant that you were really only microwaving it bc you cannot cook or bc its just something simple? So many times btw I wanted to add "ooga booga" instead but thought you may laugh and not take what I said seriously. I even laughed while thinking of replacing with that.

Didn't get to bed until around 3am something my time. Then up again at 6am. I dont sleep at all and I wish I could just sit there watching a movie with ice cream. I would like company I have never really been able to do small things like that with anyone and the guys that I have really were only there for one reason. Now I feel that no one really wanted to be there for me but bc they wanted to get something from me. Eww. Not fair

Can I just say something?? Thanks for writing this morning. You know or at least I want you to know that I really do appreciate you a great deal!! Just from the support you've given me in the last few days has helped. So, if you wanna take a day off or what not I still know that you care bc of what you have shown me already. ...(If my bf would do that when I cry then I wouldn't cry so much while fighting bc I'd know he really wants me ot feel better even if its bc of us). Thats major sorry I keep talking about it.

Anyway....THank god I didn't lose all that. I'm not finished but I'm sending now bc I was so close to losing that. There is not a single chance I could write that again.


 
Old 06-12-2006, 12:58 PM   #11
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Re: Looking for Advice and Support

On second thought. Whoa! I've written too much already.

I just wanted to tell you that I understood everything that you feel and wrote. Especially about your brother. Although my sister isn't that aggressive it still is similar. Very much so...more than you could imagine.

As for medication....do you take anything herbal? And have you ever heard of therapy dealing with hypnosis and the spiritual side of depression..Past lives etc. I'm not saying I believe in any of that or not just heard of it.

Thanks a lot Charme

Hope you're doing well!!!

Talk to you soon

 
Old 06-12-2006, 03:50 PM   #12
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Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Hey Ms Falls!

Wow! That's a long post! Good for you though, it probably helps you get it off your chest for a wee while. Don't worry about writing too much though, nobody on the board will mind. I certainly don't.

I can be a smart alec eh?! People just have to love me or hate me, hehehe.

No, no, I didn't think you were crying because of what the fight was about. Not at all. I think you're saying that what makes you cry is that you have trouble articulating your feelings or side of the argument I know you haven't said it but I think that your boyfriend (or anyone around you) doesn't understand how your feeling, and that you probably feel you aren't getting anywhere, is mentally overwhelming you. Then beneath all of this is your depression, which is making you more fragile emotionally. I assume you weren't so emotional before the depression?

I'm admitting to reading through the whole thread a couple of times to get that clear in my head, and I'll feel terrible if I have it wrong. But if so put me right and insult me at the same time so I never forget! One thing I'm not sure I do understand is when you've said "I am crying over being so frustrated, feeling trapped bc he doesn't understand." My primary school teacher would have shouted "UNDERSTAND WHAT? PINK ELEPHANTS?" Do you mean he doesn't understand what you're saying, the depression, or both?

When I was younger and my parents argued we'd always hear my father shouting "WHAT HAVE I DONE WRONG NOW?" or "WHAT HAVE I SAID WRONG NOW?" I imagine your boyfriends said that a few times, or at least thought it. I'm saying that because you think he feels he can't help you because (he feels) he makes you cry.

You're probably thinking "Yeah, that's what I just said." It's okay, I'm just writing it down to get it straight in my head and also so that you can correct me if I'm wrong on anything.

Well first thing I'm gonna say is that you may want to make a post in the relationships board. I'm not saying that to be rid of you, I can't tell you how much I want to help you. It's just a suggestion for your own sake.

Quote:
Originally Posted by RainbowFalls
If they could only realize the root of the problem can easily be fixed, why wouldn't they wanna help.
Because people are naturally scared of things they don't understand.

All the time I've been writing this I've been thinking it would be so much easier to talk about this face to face, and now I've come to the part were you telephoned your boyfriend! It probably wasn't a good idea to have a talk like that over the telephone, especially in the morning when he's not fully awake and at work or getting ready for work. And it's so easy to slam the telephone down which isn't a good thing. Maybe that was why you got the voicemail? I don't imagine he meant whatever he said in it, it was most likely out of anger.

I was going to leave this as a sort of "mystery option" but I'm going to suggest it now. Your posts are mainly about your boyfriend helping you, which is understandable as you're very worried of losing him. How about seeking help from your family (I get the impression you live with them). You sound very scared and under pressure from everything at the moment, and if you can vent some of that pressure (in the right way) through your family I think that's gonna be a big step in the right direction. So they're freaking out because they want to help but don't know how to. Well try what I suggested before. Get a book, or print some resources off the web, and give them to your parents. They do exist for friends/family of depressed people. If you don't want to give them information like that, just leave them somewhere like the kitchen table where they'll find them. Or write a letter if you like. What worries me there though is that you say you have trouble articulating (and yes I do love that word!). It's just a suggestion that by venting some pressure through your family you can make it easier to speak to your boyfriend. Oh and lower you say that they don't want to learn but want you to "better yourself" (strange choice of words). In that case also leave information about things you can do to help.

You keep talking about being depressed, I assum your family and boyfriend know that you have depression and not just feeling down? I've pushed already for you to go to the doctor to get an official diagnosis, but you've not mentioned the doctor so I'll not push anymore.

Hmmm, what did I have for dinner?! Er, an Indian curry of some type with rice and naan bread. Not very exciting! I can cook, I used to cook really nice meals (especially roasts). And my baking was amazing if I can be big headed about it. I want to be a little old lady with a red and white checked apron cooking all kinds of cakes and biscuits. Oh if only! When my ooga booga got worse though I've given up on alot of things I used to do, and don't look after myself as well as I used to. What's more at my age my bones get sore if I do too much.

Why couldn't you watch a film with ice cream? It's a great for your mood. OKay it's quite girly and being a bloke I should go to the pub and slam 20 pints down my throat but what the heck! That's the first time someone other than me has mentioned the little things. They're the things that really matter. I've got major anxiety problems and grew up with that and depression from when I was born. So having only ever had one friend for a couple of years (his wife stopped him talking to me!) and an embarresingly small number of girlfriends (plural though, it's plural!), there's so much I feel I've missed out on. And the things I feel I've missed out the most are the little things. Wow did I just get over excited, but you're really the first person who's said that!

Knowing how much you appreciate my posts, and that I've made you smile a couple of times really is a huge reward, as tacky as that sounds. I was asked on another post how I am today and I replied...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charme
Well today started well, so that always makes a difference for the rest of the day. Reading how much some of my posts mean to someone really means alot to me, it's good to make someone feel even a little better and make them smile if I can. Anyway I'm going all gooey, so it's time to pick up my meds from the chemist.
So there you go, I don't need to take a couple of days off. All I need is for you to keep having major problems for me to help with! Only joking!

I stopped taking supplements when I started trying meds, in case they interfered. I'm trying the lsat available med now and they've all had no effect whatsoever. The supplements didn't have an effect either, but don't let that put you off as I'm treatment resistive. At the moment I'm trying for a VNS implant.

If you want to try supplements, the ones I can think of off the top of my head are St John's Wort, B vits, Omega-3, SAMe and Evening Primrose Oil.

You could try controlling your diet too, but I don't know how possible that is if you do live with your parents.

I think you should try exercise and yoga. Both are supposed to be good for depression, and they might help you find friends (you mentioned wanting friends in your first post and we haven't really spoken about it).

I've heard about hypnosis for depression, no idea if it works. I wouldn't think so if it's a chemical problem in the brain. Stay away from past life regression! I was going to do it several years ago out of curiosity, then I found out how they do it so I cancelled my appointment. It's all just suggestion. They still sent me loads of new age music though lol. It freaks alot of people out too I've heard.

So you haven't mentioned much about your depression, maybe you don't want to and that's cool. If our depressive history is very similar though maybe that's why I find it so easy to connect with you.

Uhm, you may have noticed I haven't suggested anything to help you talk to your boyfriend. I'm gonna sleep on it and make another post tomorrow. It's 11.30pm here and I need to sleep, I have a blood test early tomorrow morning. Take good care of yourself, and smile............NOW!

Best,
Charme

 
Old 06-13-2006, 08:02 AM   #13
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Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 336
Charme HB User
Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Hello again Ms Falls, I hope today has been a good day for you.

Well I got to my blood test more or less on time, but I'm still not happy! The nurse didn't know what he was doing, and after he had drawn out a wee bit of blood he pushed the needle plunger back down which caused the blood to be pushed back into the vein. Ow ow ow, very sore! I get regular blood tests for th meds I'm on, and this is the first time my arm is still sore hours later.

Anyway, I've been thinking about your problem, and I wish I could come up with some brilliant idea. All I can suggest though is the obvious really. Think about what you want to say first, discussing it here has probably helped. If you have good days, ok days and bad days, wait for a good day so you don't get upset talking to him. Be sure you've had a good nights sleep. Basically be sure you're at your best. Talk to him in person and not the telephone because a large part of communication is in body language, albeit sub-concious. And make absolutely sure he understands, it sounds like you've been over this many times and you need to feel as if you're getting somewhere. You need to make it clear that it isn't true what he thinks, that you only care for yourself. And if he thinks that it makes me more certain he thinks your putting on the tears, so tell him those tears aren't for pity or attention, those tears are there because of your depression (at the root at least) (and say it's depression, not that your depressed).

It's so sad that you obviously want to put so much effort into your relationship, but feel he doesn't have enough time for you and you feel he puts work and his mates ahead of you. I think if that's the case he can't expect you to be happy everytime you're together, that's unfair and he has to make the time to listen to you. Relationships aren't just about having good times together, they're about being there for eachother too.

One more thing for just now. Make sure everyone around you knows what you're doing to feel better. And keep them updated as to how you're doing. If everyone is expecting you to help yourself perhaps they will be more supportive if you let them know just what you're doing.

I really hope that helps.

Best,
Charme

 
Old 06-13-2006, 01:46 PM   #14
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 423
Sahuja12 HB User
Re: Looking for Advice and Support

I kind of understand this...My husband doesnt quite understand either. He is wonderful and tries though... I try to explain to him that who I am is so much cause of a traumatic childhood...I was so depressed as a teenager. I used to engage in cutting. I still have a huge scar on my arm from cutting when I was 15, after my parents had a huge fight where Dad hit mom... I have never had a period of "normality" in my life. He doesnt see that because he has has a very normal upbringing and hasnt been depressed. Somtimes, people think you are making it up..and have the "here we go again! Now what?" mentality... Even I myself do...I blame myself like, why am I always unhappy?? My husband understanding to some extent DOES help. I really hope your bf makes the effort of understanding better...

 
Old 06-13-2006, 06:17 PM   #15
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Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 84
RainbowFalls HB User
Re: Looking for Advice and Support

Sahuja12..

How are you doing now? I am so glad to here that your Husband tries for you and because he loves you. The "here we go again" mentality is something to be quite honest, I dread hearing. See now, I look for it and feel I can't fully open up or have to watch I dont cry just so I dont have to heart that. In turn I can't focus on feeling better by talking to him/whoever bc I'm not concentrating on the right thing.

As for you scar I'm fortunate enough (can I even say that?) To not see mine. At the time I thought they would be on my wrist forever. Again, during that time rather than focusing on feeling and getting better all I could think about was healing my scars so no one would have to stare at them.

I hope that you are doing ok and thank you for sharing!

 
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