Ashamed of Myself
I was hospitalized last week for major depression with suicide ideation. It was not a suicide attempt at all. I took my anxiety med (loranzepam) as prescribed, but I had been out drinking that night. The mixture caused me to act hostile. My husband called 911 and I was screaming out of my head. I went to the emergency room and pulled out my IV. What little I remember is my screaming after they restrained me. I ended up hospitalized involuntarily in the behaviorial health unit. I came home after two days and threw the lorazepam in the trash. Now, I am so ashamed by how I acted I feel more depressed. I'm not in danger of killing myself, because I don't want to die. But, everytime I feel the soreness in my arm where I pulled up the IV, it reminds me of the few memories I have of that night that I sometimes cry. I feel like I am worse off now after that experience then I ever was even though now I am on an antidepressant. I don't know how long it takes for the meds, to kick in, but I hope they will soon.