mudpup1961

It's funny I should read your post, because I'm going through that a bit at work myself. First, I agree with Sunny on things you can try at work. I've been off meds for about 4 years now. Although it can be difficult sometimes, most days I'm in a good place. The only time I start getting depressed is when I start the pity party (I'm not good enough, so and so gets more recognition than I do, etc). I can truly say I have a thankless job when it comes to the bigwigs. Most have no idea what I even do (I'm a computer troubleshooter, I solve computer issues). While others within my department get recognition, I rarely get even a thank you.
But enough about my issues. What has worked for me in the past is finding things to take my mind off the bad thoughts. What are you thinking when you start getting depressed? Once I can determine that, I work on finding other thoughts and ideas to take its place. Most times, I use a daily meditation email sent to me by a website (can't tell you which one, sorry but against rules here). But I can say it has been a help. I take 5 minutes and sit at my cube, concentrating on the positive thought of the day.
The key to getting out of depression is to find positive, happier thoughts. For many of us, its extremely easy to dwell on those things that feed into our depression. The hard part is trying to reverse it.
I don't know how well you get along with co-workers. My advice is to talk to as many as you can (but not about your depression). Find out which ones can talk about issues in a positive light. Those are the people you want to hang around with, not those who are negative. Stay away as much as possible from anyone who is constantly critical of you or anyone else. If you're in a conversation and it turns negative, excuse yourself and get away. The more you stay in that conversation, the more it feeds into the depression.
Some days when you feel really down, fake it as hard as you can. I've found in some cases I end up bringing myself up. But then again, I also try to joke about things when I feel tense. In some circumstances, I will purposely do something to make myself look "goofy" (for lack of a better word) to a few others, then turn around and laugh about it.
For example, one day I was feeling a bit down, yet felt a bit goofy. So I took a sheet of paper, wrote "Please don't feed the wild animal", and put it in my cube. While a few thought I was strange that day (and I didn't really care), most others found the humor in it.
We all do things that we think others are judging us by that may not be complimentary to ourselves. But the point is, everyone does it. Its human nature to make mistakes or judge others. The trick is to not let it get to us. And that's hard to do. It feeds our depression. My depression is over 2000 pounds and its time for it to go on a diet. Say something positive about yourself to yourself every day. Write it down and when you feel the depression coming on, read it to yourself. If necessary, go to the restroom, lock the door, and look at yourself in the mirror and repeat the positive thought.
Always remember, depression can be beaten. But not be meds alone. It takes hard work sometimes. But in the end, when you improve, it is well worth it. Actually, responding to your post has given me a boost. Cause I know you can do it. Keep posting here. Read the threads. Don't discount any advice and try different things. Eventually, you will find what works for you.
KEEP YOUR HEAD HELD HIGH!!! YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOOK DOWN TO. And make friends with your fears. Sorry I like the bouncy dude.