Don't we love when people ask that? I always say "I just am. It's a mood disorder." And I'm rude about it. It's a stupid question to ask someone who you KNOW is clinically depressed, and it's a rude question to ask someone you don't know that well.
But as to the real answer... actually I think it's more than half genetic for me: most of my mother's blood relatives are depressed, and so is my brother. The other part is that I was really unhappy with my life at both school and home from ages 6-10, after which I was only miserable at school. I never really learned to build relationships until I was in my mid-twenties, and I still kinda suck at it.
So, who has thoughts on why you're depressed?
Choose the devil you don't know.
For me it is also stress related along with the genetic factors. I am bipolar so I get to ride that fun rollar coaster whether i want to or not. And then the stuff with all the arguements in my own I am sure don't help. Not to mention stuff family and friends has said in their oh so helpful ways. Sometimes there might not seem to be a trigger but for me I guarantee you that there is one somewhere probably the light switch got flipped massively. Darn they need to leave that blasted switch alone.
I imagine part of mine comes from my mothers side of the family; it's very troubled. But most of my depression is situational and can be attributed to events, mind patterns, things from my life and how i dealt and deal with them.
I look back and I really believe that my problems started years ago when I was a young child. I love my father, but in a way I blame him for a lot of my emotional problems. Several years ago when I had severe anxiety attacks he kept telling me that there was no such thing and that it was all in my head. Now that I am going thru this state of depression I'm in, I'm trying to keep it from him. Both my grandmother and aunt commited suicide (on my dad's side) so I know that I had better keep my emotions on track. I want to live and see my children grow up no matter how bad things get for me People can be so arrogant and cruel with their comments--including family. We should never have to hide our conditions from our family especially. They, you would think, should be our main support group.
Most of my depression I have come to realize is coming from three areas: physical pain, marital problems, and dr's. I have to figure out where to start to fix my mess.
[QUOTE=BlueSteam] People can be so arrogant and cruel with their comments--including family. We should never have to hide our conditions from our family especially. They, you would think, should be our main support group. [QUOTE]
Amen to that! I'm struggling with family issues also. My father often says such rude comments.....little does he know that it was my upbringing that has forced me to seek out counseling! My parents just don't understand that this 43 year old wife & mother could be battling depression & anxiety. It's hurtful to realize that family can be so unsupportive.
People can be so arrogant and cruel with their comments--including family. We should never have to hide our conditions from our family especially. They, you would think, should be our main support group.
Yeah, that kills me. Why is it the family that's always the most judgemental?
The entire time I was growing up, my mom always said my depression was "just a phase." Right, a ohase that started ironically the same time she started hitting me, and lasted another 35 years.
Then when I was 20 and was actually diagnosed, she said it was because I was an atheist. Then when her cousin who was a MONK was diagnosed, and her other cousin who was a catholic, and her sister, also catholic, she decided it was something in our genes. Looking back at our family history we figured out that her father was severly depressed and her grandfather was PROFOUNDLY depressed, and probably would have been hospitalized in this day and age. (He lived in the 1800s. Yes, I have a family history of depression dating back to before the civil war, and I was the first one ever diagnosed and treated for it.)
Then my brother was diagnosed and my brother has no social skills whatsoever, and confronted my mom about the fact that she's obviously just as depressed as we are. She threw an absolute tantrum over that and no one's brought it up again, except me, and only when she starts it. For example:
Me: "I think I need to up my meds - I'm crying over financial planning commercials."
Mom: "That's perfectly normal. I do that all the time."
Me: "Mom, just because you do something doesn't make it perfectly normal."
Mom: "Well... yeah..."
Choose the devil you don't know.
I fell into a huge anxiety after losing my job...which grew as finding a job in my area proved difficult.
Mother died just before I was going to go to grad school
noone else to care for my elderly father
My career is shot...can't find any job in my city..no car..no money..wasted potential...no woman because I have nothing to offer...
but there is always hope...as long as you recognize the problem...it took me years to see there was something wrong...only now have i started to get help..wish me luck :-)
I wish I had a really good answer for that question. I think the really truthful answer is "I just am". It's on both sides of my family (my "father" is just plain psychotic, though), my parents separated when I was ten and my brother and I were left with the psychotic (he threatened to kill my mom if she took us). Once she was no longer around for him to take his misery out on he started taking it out on me (verbal abuse from a parent is devastating especially in the formative years--11 or 12 to 16 or 17). I got out four months before I turned 16, but the pain didn't end and I certainly didn't stop believing what he'd led me to believe--that I was stupid and useless. I hated high school. My graduating class all thought I was a psycho b/c of my mood swings, but instead of asking what was wrong or if they could help they tormented me. In 1993 I met someone who helped turn my life around. He made me believe I was worth something. He gave me the strength and support I needed to finish high school. I could function relatively well up until 1997.... then my brother died VERY suddenly and tragically the day after my birthday (in a fire) and it was the psychotic's fault. That's when I hit rock bottom. My boyfriend and I broke up (not my choice) two months after my brother died. In 2000 my mom's dad died...I thought of him as my dad, because he was more like a dad to me than a grandfather (and of course being Papa's favourite didn't hurt any ). In 2003 my mom's mother died...she was like my other mom and she felt I was a fifth daughter. Now all I've got is my mom. My family consisted of my mom, my brother and my mom's parents. All that's left of my family is my mom. Luckily I've managed to find another boyfriend who is very good to me and very supportive and very understanding of my illness.
The way things are in my life now I can only say "I just am" depressed. It's in my nature to be depressed. Sometimes I just don't feel right if I'm not depressed (as strange as that sounds). I function much better now (mostly due to meds), but I still have episodes sometimes.
Reading about all of your families is definitely heartbreaking. Mainly because I can relate to a lot of what you guys are saying. This is what I think about families - they do a couple of things wrong, and it's not totally their fault. First of all, this denial that many of our parents/relatives express is a protection. For them to admit something is wrong with you emotionally or mentally is to admit that they ****ed up as a parent (whether they did or didn't).
Secondly, our parents grew up in a different generation. A generation where there weren't so many therapists and DSM manuals flying around. I tried to explain to my father one day that panic attacks are real and I experience them. Besides his hurtful nonchalant attitude about my "imagination getting wild" I realized he couldn't understand because he's never experienced it.
This stuff doesn't make it any easier to deal with family, but sometimes remembering this stuff keeps my temper in check and sometimes I can go about discussing this stuff with them in a different manner...
What a good question! I can remember my parents and my boyfriend (now husband) asking me that all the time. For me, though, I had a totally great childhood - my whole life has been great. I have absolutely NO reason that I should be depressed. I mean, I had to deal with deaths and things of that nature, but everyone is sad about stuff like that (and has every right to be), so I know that's not it. My mom says that I've been "like that" since I was a kid. Never smiled, always looked really sad. She's ask me what's wrong, and I'd say nothing, because there really wasn't anything wrong. Forward 10 or 15 years, when I had to start dealing with real stress with work, school, etc., that's when I actually realized that I might have a problem. I was constantly moody, would cry at commercials, would cry for no reason, would start fights with my boyfriend, drag things out, etc, etc. One day I couldn't stop crying for 3 days straight. Nothing was wrong, I was just sad, for no reason at all. That's when I finally went to see a doctor about it. I've been on an SSRI (Zoloft) for about 3 years now, and I've never been happier/better than I am right now. My family and husband have all been SO supportive. If it wasn't for my husband, I might have never gotten through it. He stuck by me, cradled me to sleep while I cried on him, and kept urging me to get help. I have since discovered that depression and anxiety both run rampent on my mom's side. SO...to answer the question, I truely do believe that genetics plays a HUGE role in why we are depressed.
I have always felt weird, but neither of my parents nor other family members thought I was depressed. When my mother was murdered 12 years ago things just fell apart. Then I found out BOTH my kids were using drugs (but have quit since). I have been on prescription antidepressants since, my brother has been since his second stroke at 50, his wife since she had to begin taking care of him as well as working...all kinds of things. My son takes them due to stress. Yet to this day my Dad says "If you're depressed, just do something else." Everyone doesn't have to get it..it just happens and I am much better off on my Celexa. I tried to quit it a few months ago--and was able to halve my dosage--but I just can't exist in any meaningful way without it.
I know come from a long line of depressed/screwed up people. My grandfather drank himself to death (I never knew him) and both of my parents have some form of anxiety/depression and my mother gets drunk a lot.
This is going to sound like I'm a very angsty teenager, but growing up I was extremely sheltered. I couldn't stay out past 10, I couldn't walk the dog all by myself at night, and god forbid I wore anything that showed my mid-drift. My high school was in a very ritzy neighborhood and it was all about status. I didn't have all the best things, I didn't get a new car when I turned 16 and I didn't have very many friends growing up. I felt like I could turn to absolutely nobody for support and help. The people who I counted on the most moved away or stabbed me in the back one too many times.
After one failed suicide is what woke everybody around me up. I have built up a strong support system, of friends and co-workers, and I haven't had a relapse until recently this summer when I have been having problems at work and school (I go to a local university). I went back on anti-depressants (I had been off of them for about 2 years now) and I feel a little better. Getting back to normalcy is what I really want.
What I find is the worst is when I am isolated from people for a long time. Just the thought of being alone freaks me out. That's why I could never ever work at a desk job. When I'm all by myself, that's when I start to get depressed as well as anxious. My thoughts scare the crap outta me sometimes.
I dont know if I answered the question or not, but that's my story.
I think my depression probably came from my dad who is an alcoholic in denial, I think he drinks to numb the pain and my childhood definately plays a big part of why I am this way today. I was raised by my mom and step dad. My stepdad was a piece of work, he was a heroin addict who verbally abused and humiliated me from the age of 7 through 18, at 18 he kicked me out of the house because he was high and thought I stole $40 bucks from him. It took my mother almost a month to realize that her 18 year old daughter was in the streets with no place to live and eventhough a month is not that long, it was more than long enough for me, it broke my heart that it took my mother that long to stick up for me. I'm 37 years old and I have so many issues with myself, I'm insecure, have self image issues, suffer from depression and have a social phobia thing going.