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Old 09-17-2006, 09:03 PM   #1
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Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

If I could get rid of this desire to find a girlfriend, if I could just be content with a solitary existence and spend my time seeking inner peace, I'm sure I would be so much happier. But this desire is so strong, and so is the feeling of emptiness that comes with it. Someone is going to tell me not to give up hope, but I am so damn sick of trying. Every time I try and fail I feel like I've been punched in the gut. I fall back into depression. The progress I've made over the past year or so seems to make no difference. But it does make a big difference. This feeling of emptiness makes me lose perspective on that. If I just gave up this desire, I wouldn't be having as many of these lapses into depression. If I'm cursed to be alone forever, the sooner I accept it the better.

 
Old 09-17-2006, 11:10 PM   #2
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

Between my first and second marriage I dated a grand total of three times. I had totally given up on love or having someone to share my life when I met hubby number two. Though we had nine years together I am currently getting ready to file for divorce. So I sit in the same spot as before thinking that perhaps relationships/friends aren't for me. I seem to destroy them without trying really. And now perhaps it is best to get me straightened out before I give it serious consideration on the matter. I know I feel I have little really to offer anyone or that anyone would see me as attractive and be thankful to have me as a mate. In some ways it is not the end of the world just a different way of existence. So no I won't give you false hope in that regard but I will say that often times when we stop trying so hard it finds us. Or it is found in someone we have known all along just didn't see. Don't give up just perhaps rethink the route to it. THat bars are ok for some things but not a good pick up joint. Perhaps make a list of what you want in a partner. The qualities that are important to you. Hang out perhaps in areas you are interested in and meet people that way. I hope you will find success though like anything patience is key.

Emerald

Last edited by emeraldeyes114; 09-17-2006 at 11:11 PM.

 
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Old 09-18-2006, 07:49 AM   #3
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

Thanks for the response emeraldeyes. This is embarrasing to admit, but I'm 30 and I've never been on a date. A lot of it is my own fault, I know. I've always been shy so I rarely ask women out. Everytime I've been interested in a woman enough to do so, though, they become very uncomfortable with the fact that I've shown I'm attracted to them. I used to think that this was an irrational insecurity that I had that was preventing me from asking more women out, but every time I do the same thing happens! I really don't think I'm ugly or have a bad personality. I think I'd be a wonderful boyfriend, loyal and committed and respectful. It's not just women and romance, I can't seem to sustain any friendships, and people don't have much regard for me... not enough to give me a call to see how I'm doing or even return calls when I call them. It's just that much worse with women.

It's been a long time and I'm really tired of trying. I'm tired of wanting this to end.

Last edited by FeludaX; 09-18-2006 at 07:49 AM.

 
Old 09-18-2006, 08:43 AM   #4
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

Feluda, have you ever tried singles areas on the internet? I have heard of people meeting on the internet and now they are happily married. Also, is there anyone who you can ask to honestly answer your question of "what is going on here."

 
Old 09-18-2006, 09:05 AM   #5
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AR-10 HB User
Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

I am 50 and I have a friend who has never been married. He's not gay, but he just has never found the person he "clicks" with. He seems perfectly happy being single.

I, on the other hand, have a personality that craves a partner. I am blessed to have found my "perfect" mate, after being divorced when I was young. But I know I could not live a happy life on my own, as I NEED my wife on so many levels.

I can't really offer you any advice, other than to echo the last post. Is there a friend you can have an honest discussion about this with?

Maybe it is something simple like you stink, or your teeth are nasty.

I have had friends approach me once or twice in the past and offer hygene advice I was not aware I needed to hear.

I hope you find happiness and peace soon.
Bryan

 
Old 09-18-2006, 09:47 AM   #6
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

Well, I have a mom, two sisters and a female therapist. They all seem to think I'm fine. My therapist has told me I have so many wonderful qualities and she doesn't know what the problem is (other than me not putting myself out there). Other than that I don't have any friends close enough to talk to about this. But trust me, I'm not a complete moron, if it was something obvious like I smell bad I would have figured it out by now. I used to have bad breath and I started paying attention to it, flossing and cleaning my toungue, and now I don't have bad breath anymore. I was overweight, and I changed my diet and started exercising and I've lost 40 pounds. I'm sure there is a problem, but it's more subtle. People seem to like me just fine, but they don't want to get close to me.

 
Old 09-18-2006, 10:02 AM   #7
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

Maybe it is some sort of vibe you put out. Something you might not be aware of at the moment. Or maybe it is how you are coming across. You don't sound like a moron at all but a kind compassionate person who any lady would be lucky to have. You sound considerate and very thoughtful again really good qualities to have. Perhaps a bit of your fear on how it will turn out comes out when you ask. Or perhaps you are reading wrong signals in someone else. How do you ask them out? I mean what do you say? Do you make eye contact? Do you smile? Or are you looking at your feet sort of hee hawing around?

Emerald

 
Old 09-18-2006, 10:20 AM   #8
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

Feluda, your "outside" has changed a lot (congratulations on your weight loss), has your "inside" changed to reflect this new outside? A plastic surgeon once wrote that he corrected people's physical defects and made them beautiful but he frequently saw that inside they needed to change. These people still acted as though they were "ugly".

 
Old 09-18-2006, 10:21 AM   #9
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

Feluda, your "outside" has changed a lot (congratulations on your weight loss), has your "inside" changed to reflect this new outside? A plastic surgeon once wrote that he corrected people's physical defects and made them beautiful but he frequently saw that inside they needed to change. These people still acted as though they were "ugly".

 
Old 09-18-2006, 01:19 PM   #10
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

I know exactly how you feel. I am 25 and going through the same feelings right now. Since my split with my ex I have dated/talked with four guys and none of them seem to pan out the way I would like it to. Right now I have seen this one guy twice and I think things are going well, but then I get extremely mixed signals as to how he feels. I don't know if it is me or what, but know you are not the only one who feels this way. I am seriously considering swearing of dating and men, but yet there is a huge part of me that longs for that companionship and love one gets with a SO. My thoughts are with you. Always here if you need someone to talk to.

 
Old 09-18-2006, 09:51 PM   #11
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

I think you are probably right emeraldeyes. I still have insecurities and I am likely projecting them. I am probably not aware of all the things I project. Thegardener, I've tried to change who I am on the inside as well, but that is probably the toughest thing to change. It probably relates to what emeraldeyes said, as much as I try to be aware my insecurities come through in these moments. Thanks for the kind words

Last edited by Administrator; 08-08-2010 at 01:42 PM.

 
Old 09-21-2006, 07:30 AM   #12
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

don't give up don't give up keep hold of your hope and maybe try and ease up on yourself a bit but don't give up ... if you feel feel pressured or panicked bout finding someone try to decide ways of taking some pressure off yourself ... go on some dating evening just so you can meet more people and potential dates without the pressure of one on ones maybe or if you find one on ones diff try the other way around. Don't give up tho there is someone for you who will understand and love and help as you are.... there is someone for you .... don't give up don't give up don't give up ... big hug

 
Old 09-21-2006, 06:02 PM   #13
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Re: Should I give up trying to find love/companionship?

Thanks Wogster.

 
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