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Old 10-07-2006, 09:26 AM   #1
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deepresso HB User
Depression has anything to do with Promiscious

Hi people, i dont mean to make your world "blue" but I feel the need to let it all out coz it's been badly affect me lately.

i am not sure if this has anything to do with depression. i think i have been promiscious. i dunno the real reason behind my sinful act. at times i felt like i am actually subconsciously punishing myself over my shortcoming and mistakes by making myself "dirty". but at times i think it has got something to do with the liveliness feeling of getting the attentions, feeling that there is somebody who wants you for you (of coz they merely want sex), feeling for that short period of time you are loved and not alone.

most of the time i wanted to be left alone but at the same time i long for hug and cares.

then a few months ago, i was as usual went "cruising" and ended up hooking with a person name Jen. After we made love, she invited me for a drink, which is an odd move for one night "stander". after that, we stayed in touch thru cellphone.

ever since, she would called me out but i declined for some reasons. she would also gave me signs about the posibility that our relationship would go another level. but i wasn't sure about this. and seriously being in depression made me realise how destructive it is that i wouldn't wanna bring unnecessary drama to my life or hers. i felt reluctant to answer her calls a few times and finally she gave up calling me.

i thought that this is something i wanted to happen but one night i happen to pass by her workplace and the very minute i saw her, my heart aches because i felt like i gave her up. when i got home, i text msg her telling her the truth of my avoidance. but she never replied.

i passed by her workplace a few times to see if she is ok and to me, she looked like she has moved on. there are so many times i wanted to step up and just to say hello but i hesitated. deep inside my heart, I tell myself this might be the best way for both of us but why do i feel so bad if i thought it is the right decision?

i wouldnt wanna bring this up to my friends coz right now i really dont need another "coward" or "loser" to be tagged on. they will never understand it coz they never have a day of depression.

thanks for your time reading thru my stuff.

 
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Old 10-08-2006, 01:04 AM   #2
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fretnworry HB User
Re: Depression has anything to do with Promiscious

Hi, Deepresso!

First of all--you are not a "coward" or a "loser"!! I know it's easy to feel that way when you're depressed, but depression has a way of lying to all of us--it only tells us everything that's "wrong" with us, never anything that's "good"! And lots of times, even the stuff we think is "wrong" with us is only in our minds, it's just the depression talking trash to us!

And you are so right--people who are lucky enough never to have been depressed honestly have no idea what real depression is like--how hard it is to do anything when you're feeling so bad! So they say things like "Oh cheer up--what have you got to feel so bad about?" or "Stop feeling sorry for yourself" or "Keep busy and you'll be fine" or "You just have to think positive!" Frankly, when I hear people saying things like that to a depressed person, I want to strangle them! (Well, not really, but it is extremely annoying!!)

People who haven't had depression don't understand that we can't just "snap out of it". That it isn't a matter of not having enough will-power, or of not being "tough enough" or whatever. Depression is an illness like any other. I mean, if you caught pneumonia, would your friends tell you to "snap out of it"?? I doubt it! They'd probably tell you that you need to see a doctor and get some meds to make you well. And exactly the same thing is true of depression!

And about the promiscuity thing--remember that we all make mistakes, I'm sure every one of us has done things we're not very proud over. That doesn't make us "bad" people, it just makes us human! And yes, I think that when we're depressed we're a lot more vulnerable--we do tend to feel lonely and it's only natural to crave warmth and affection. So please don't be too hard on yourself with the "guilt" thing, okay? (And remember too that depression just feeds on guilt--sometimes depression has had me feeling guilty over things I've never even done!! )

I'm not too sure what to tell you about the girl you got involved with. Maybe she's as unsure as you are about what to do next. Maybe you were both expecting it to be "only" a one-night stand but instead you began feeling something for each other. That can be very confusing! It sounds like both of you are trying to sort out just how you feel about what happened, and about each other. And while I think it's a good thing that you explained to her what was going on with you, she still may be feeling a little hurt that you were avoiding her at first. (And I'm not saying that you should feel bad about that, you were caught off guard by her wanting something more than a one-nighter and you were fighting depression on top of that--no wonder you didn't know how to react! I wouldn't have either!)

Maybe some of the guys on here can give you better advice--as a female I'm kind of coming at it from another angle, if you know what I mean! But I would guess that she is still a little confused over her own feelings. It's also possible that she's feeling like she got a little "pushy" and scared you away, so she may be sort of embarrassed to talk to you right now.

So I don't know, maybe she just needs some time to work out how she feels. And it also could be (just a guess here really) that she decided you told her about the depression just to spare her feelings--I mean, she might have thought you kind of made up something just to make her feel better.

I would just give it some time. Let her sort thru her feelings and decide what she wants to do--I figure the ball is kind of in her court now, right?

And meanwhile--you need to get some help with that depression! Do you have a therapist or doctor you can talk to? Are you taking any meds for your depression? (They can help a lot, you know! ).

Therapy and/or meds are a healthier way of dealing with depression than the choices a lot of us tend to make--like drinking too much, or taking pills (the wrong kind I mean! ) or looking for one-night stands. The drinks and drugs and sex only give us a "temporary" high, and they can have serious health consequences, as I'm sure you know. What depressed people really need is to get rid of the depression for good--and that generally means therapy, and sometimes the right kind of meds.

Take care of yourself, okay? You sound like a really nice and thoughtful person--it's kind of you not to want to hurt Jen's feelings, a lot of guys wouldn't be that caring!

Keep on posting and let us know how you're doing, all right?

Good luck!

Patti

 
Old 10-08-2006, 07:09 AM   #3
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Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: Depression has anything to do with Promiscious

hi depresso,

i completely agree with fretnworry/patty. i don't have much to add. she said it all!!!

by the way, patty, i'm sincerely complementing you on one of the most clear, concise, and warm responses/letters that i've seen written on this board.

may you both be blessed!

 
Old 10-09-2006, 11:12 PM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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fretnworry HB User
Re: Depression has anything to do with Promiscious

(((Dakota)))

Thank you for the kinds words!! You're a sweetie!

Blessings to you, too!

Hugs,
Patti

 
Old 10-10-2006, 08:09 PM   #5
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deepresso HB User
Re: Depression has anything to do with Promiscious

Hi Patti,

OMG thanks for your reply. Your reply truely meant alot to me and I do, I mean I honestly do appreciate your advice.

You are very thoughtful and a good listener. I almost can see a girl in front of me, talk me thru stuff, and that kind soul is you. Thanks.

Well, you are right. The ball is in her court now. I have done my part of explaning. It is up to her to either believe it or not. I won't try to push myself too hard to feel miserable and sorry for myself anymore. However I sincerely do wish her well.

I havent been of medication or therapy. I know alot of people on the board have already urging me to go thru it but I dont feel that I am ready. I am worried of the side effect. I am taking accutane treatment for my acne problems so I cant take any antidepressant or it will counter-attack. I am reading thru a lot of self help book and hopefully will find some solace in them.

My depression has been clinged on for quite some years and it only struck hard 2 years ago. But I pulled myself thru it before another relapse recently. But I am still Ok.
Sometimes I wonder how i manage to make it thru the darkest night, but i guess with god's love, I have survived.

However, I know I am far from recovery. I will get help but not in the meantime, where I dont think I am ready, mentally or physically.

Thanks...take care.

 
Old 10-11-2006, 02:48 AM   #6
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: New York, NY
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WanderingSoul HB User
Re: Depression has anything to do with Promiscious

It's also possible that she's feeling like she got a little "pushy" and scared you away, so she may be sort of embarrassed to talk to you right now.


I was thinking the same exact thing.....

 
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