Glad to see you guys still come on here once and a while.... It sounds like you guys are doing okay. As for my self, well, i have to posts on here already that talks about what going on. Some pretty depressing things. I lost my job I was at, I actually liked this one, Now reality is hitting hard and I cant cope. Please read my other posts. Unexpected change is one of the titles to the thread....
Great to get a hello from you, I only said hello to jojo before because I imagine everyone thinking good riddance to me(I'm sorry that sounds awful, but you know what I mean - it's all in the head... I hope! ) Anyway, I tend to stay away these days since I had to stop any medication (nhs and financial reasons) and can't feel I can offer any advice right now. And I was told that my support was not appreciated. Anyway, unpleasant story and I can't go into it. I do pop in every once in a while to see how everyone is, I think that makes me a lurker or something.
Well, things aren't really going that great, but such is the way. And today I turn 30, bad time to be in th worst part of my life already lol. Not sure if jojo is still around, she's on the lyme board but don't know if I should post there to tell her about this post and mine, what do you think? Would I just annoy the other there, and the mods (again!)?
I read your thread about your unexpected change, I am sorry. Most importantly, you shouldn't wory about what you're husband is thinking. I guess what I think may mean little not being there in person, but I recall you fretting about what you're husband was thinking before. If your husband does get upset it's unlikely to be because of you losing your job but more likely because he's worried about you. Or maybe he senses the change in you from worrying about what he's thinking and he's uncomfortable with it, so it's because you're worrying not what you're worried about. Or perhaps because you wont stop apologising to him at every ad break! But you know what? Most likely it's all in your head. And I think if you can beat that demon it's gonna make everything, including finding a job, so much easier. And perhaps a move wouldn't be so bad, a house is nothing but brinks and mortar (and some wooden ones in America!), and you can't make a home if it pts you under so much financial strain. I've just moved from a beautiful large flat to a cottage so small it really (literally) couln't be any smaller and remain habitable (prob smaller than your garage). It's full of damp I need to sort, loads of walls don't have plaster on, I had to remove any decorating because of the soaking wet walls, the kitchen (in the lounge) is falling apart, and blah blah blah and so on and on. BUT, I payed for it with the profit from my flat and it's already more of a home than my flat ever was. I'm still not happy, and it's upsetting that I have to sell so many possesions due to lack of space, and I need to clamber over so much of my stuff, but who cares and I gave up on everything being right in life a long time ago, not even the king of the world would ever be that lucky. I could let it get me down, or I could just accept it with it's faults and advantages. But that's a long way to say that you shouldn't look at any move as being so bad, if it takes a lot of worries and pressure from you and your husband it probably is a good idea.
Okay, gonna run out of space here so better post, go water the daisies, then I'll be right back to answer your other threads!
I just wanna say abit about your "Whats wrong" thread. I need to ask you something first though, and I hope it doesn't upset you, nor take it personally. But as you were wondering why nobody seemed to want to talk to you (and though that's in the past no doubt it still upsets you), can I ask why you lost you're job? I hate to be treading on thin ice, but if you were unable to cope with your work, perhaps your colleagues resented that. That's not a nice thought I know but I know personally I would feel alot better if that were the truth rather than if it were something else. That would be the easy answer, but having read your posts in the past and (obviously) being depressed myself I rather suspect its a case of all being in the head again! But before you get angry with me, let me explain!
In my 30 (!) years I've only had one friend and one girlfriend (oh dear I do hate to tell people that but if by telling it I can help then I will). That's not because I'm a horrible person, or ugly, or boring or anything. I'm as nice as I can, I don't follow a religion but my god would only expect from people the best they can do for oneself and for others, and I'll break my back to help others out. The friend I helped out whenever he needed it, and even he told me that I was the only person he felt he could really talk to. The girlfriend I did anything for, I did everything she wanted (silly me) and would always put my own problems aside to help her with hers (even her petty ones). The friend stopped talking to me when hs wife decided they should both only speak to other couples, and the girlfriend was using me from day one. I know I'm not ugly, ,many strangers used to tell me as a teenager working as a waiter I'd break alot of girls hearts, and plenty of other indications that I'm not so bad looking (was going to mention them it seems when girls do decide they wanna make it obvious they think someone is "a bit of awight" they really can go OTT)! And I know I'm funny, I can make people laugh at the drop of a hat because I think fast, although a bit dry witted maybe. Oh and even the young 'uns (I can say that now) think I'm cool and want to "hang"!
Anyway, that's my pitch over! Only kidding, the reason I've just sold myself so much is to expain that that's all my logical thoughts. It doesn't stop me feeling pathetic, boring, ugly, a loser, whatever. And I really do, it doesn't matter how I come across. And I'm so lonely because I don't feel I have a choice, though the friends of my siblings tell them how cool/handsome/funny I am. KNOWING ALL THAT DOESN'T TAKE AWAY THOSE THOUGHTS IN THE HEAD!
And I so so think that there is so much going on in your head about others around you, be they at work, your husband, or anyone else in your life. I bet there were so many positive things from your colleagues, albeit a few negative things too. Maybe a little bit of you was puching them away, subconcious or otherwise. Maybe because you were hurt you gave them a little bit of the cold shoulder. Maybe paranoia got in the way, and maybe a whole culmination made them feel unsure of where they stood with you.
God I HATE saying all this, but please realise that all of this has happened to me and is my own experiences. Remember my usual disclaimer, that the only reason I harp on so much about myself is in the hope that drawing upon my own experiences it can help someone else.
Do some logical thinking about yourself, leaving all emotion out of it. Keep in mind that not a single thing in this world is nearly so clear cut as many would believe. And once you've done that, bear those logical thoughts at the back of your head to give a little strength when you need it. And no doubt you already know to catch yourself thinking too much into anything emotionally, and STOP yourself.
I hope I've been of some help to you amc, and if I've hurt your feeling in any way tell me so I can explain and know not to do it again. But my thoughts are with you.
Now however, it's more than a little late in the good old UK, and I need to get to bed so I'm up early enough to make myself a birthday cake! And I want to leave a little post for jojo on the lyme board, I'm sure it will cheer her up to know she's still being thought of.
PS Just read over and very sorry about appalling punctuation and being all over the place. If I get a chance before you reply I'll fix it tomorrow, but too tired at the mo to make much sense of my primary language!
Wow so nice to see you both here...NOT that I am happy that you both are having problems...life has so many ups and downs...and I wish I could wave my majic wand and make your problems go away....this old world can be soooooo hard and confusing....
AMC I haven't read your other post...but I will sweetie...I have been staying over on the fibro lyme board...since I hadn't been seeing you or Charmee here...so will read the other post and in the mean time sending you BIG HUGS!!!!!! Life is a struggle and some just struggle more than others...as you are seeing...
Charme boy I worried about you so much! And I am SOOOOOO glad that you have posted. So did the doctor pull you off of the medications? Or did you just say that is it. Was that like the out come of that meeting you had with Bob? What town did you move too? Is it small and in the country?
WEll my friends I need to get ready for the day...and go get some prescriptions filled....the doctor truly feels that I have BACTERIAS, MICROBACTERIUMS AND OR VIRUS'S in those Goose Eggs on my head...so we will be trying to kill those buggers off....
BIG HUGS TO YOU BOTH!!!!!
YOUR BOTH IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYER'S!!!
Awww, sorry Jojo, only checked back last night and had been busy sorting some things out with the sale of my flat. It's a wee bit stressful, estate agent lieing and working for the purchaser rather than me as it turns out he knows him. I wont go into it, but I'm here now!
To be honest though, I'm also trying to spend less time here than previously. It just isn't healthy as I was depending on this place previously too much. Anyway, about me going off the meds. The doc pulled me off the lithium, and...er...I chose to stop the other med. There wasn't any point as (apart from the amitryptiline) none of the meds had had any effect. I feel better not having to pop 14 pills every day and getting no benefit, and though they didn't cost much the saving is handy too.
You need to hang around here Jojo, lots of people seem to have posted about 5-HTP and Same asking questions, your knowledge is needed! So do you agree with the belief your doc has about your 'Goose Bumps'? And how are you happy wise? You've got all that lovely scenery around you and it must be getting chilly chilly.
Anyway, I must get to sorting out the cottage. I picked up a very old dog grate which was no longer wanted yesterday (swapped it for a bed!), so once I've cleaned that up and made some space around the fire place I can start having lovely wood fires. It is a small town I live in now, and it's not too bad during the day --- very quiet and with the architecture quite olde worlde. At night though it's a different world and quite literally it's risky going out then as the locals are quite a rough bunch! Thankfully I live in a little quiet secluded area off the main road which most people dont know exists.
Tim I have worried and missed you...So glad to hear that you have moved..it sounds sooooo cute...And from what you have said before maybe this will help your depression to a degree...being able to have your own cottage...Who cares how big it is...especially when you only use one or two rooms...hehe....so what Town is it called? Can't believe how quickly your flat sold...yep there are rip offs in the world...just try and move forward...are yo closer to your Mums and Dad now?
Actaully I am glad you got pulled off of the meds...and now you will beable to start from step one...as you know that is what I did with me...And I am glad I did...I needed to see just where I was with everything...Yes I fgured that was what was in my GOOSE EGGS on my head....had a doctor couple years ago put a needle in there and no fluid..so I explained again to my Doctor now...and sense he researches bacterias, microbacteriums, virus's ..molds..and ect...he is A GENIUS....he says we will get rid of them...of course will take time...which I am so ooooo grateful he doesn't shine me on like other's have...so will see...so am on antiviral and antibiotics again....
Haven't been much on this board to see questions about 5-htp or Same...but now that you and AMC are coming back I will check it out more here....
Tim smile my friend...things will work out...I like the sounds of your new home...
BIG HUGS TO YOU!
Yes, well, dunno what makes my cottage sound cute, right now it's more a building site but as soon as I sell some more stuff and can afford some trash bags it should get better! It is only a couple of rooms (plus a bathroom) and right now it's cold cold cold! I really need to make some space so I can light my fire, there's no heating in here. Well hopefully I'll get the money from the sale of my flat this Friday, I managed to get £20 out of my account today and my bank will take my card I'm sure if I take anymore!
I'm glad I stopped taking the meds too. The psych was still keen on ECT, but I pointed out that 30yrs ago they were using ECT for alzheimas and claiming it worked, so who's to say what we'll be saying in another 30yrs. Was surprised when it made him change his mind! I still get the fizzy feling at the back of my neck from the previous med, but the twitch which started on another has finally gone. Thabkfully, as lots of people thought I was winking at them!
Doctors can be so daft, but at least you have one now who sounds sure of what the cause of the bumps are. You have to be persistent don't you, but just moving forward a step at a time means you're getting somewhere and that's sure to be a mood boost.
Well, tbh, as I said before I don't know how much I'll be back. I don't feel I can offer advice on meds and offering support seems to be walking on thin ice! On top of that I'll (hopefully) be busy with my new business soon --- don't ask, had too much laughing about it for the moment lol. I'm hoping I didn't scare off amc, hopefuly I didn't come across wrong.
Well I guess it's good that you don't come back here much anymore, must mean you're feeling a lot happier. And that's all I came back to find out!