Depression and everyday life
My name is Becky, I've had depression since 16, I'm 23 now and just made it through my degree.
What i want to ask is how people cope in general.
I have been depressive all through my uni course. However, intermitant time tables and different lecture hours mean that I'm not there for eight hours a day.
Now that I have finished my degree I find working eight hours a day five days a week mentally draining. Every moment is a constant bolstering from myself to get up, get going, once your going you will be fine, don't stop to think just do this type of thinking got me out of bed in the morning and into uni when all I really wanted to do was stay in bed and hide from the world.
I feel proud, that I have made an accomplishment by going to university, socialising, handing in assignments and keeping up my enthusiasm, and a single minded purposeness to finish my degree.
But now that I am finished I feel like I am faced with a lifetime of struggling.
University was mild pressure, and I found that incredibly difficult to do. The third year became increasingly difficult for me. Motivation is so hard to keep constant, even when you have a supportive partner and loving parents.
How do you cope with something, this feeling of something holding you back, when there isn't anything there!!!!! If I am having problems now how will i cope with a full time job. I don't want my life to be a constant struggle, day in dayout just to survive to the next day.
I'm taking seroxat for my depression, but sometimes it doesn't feel like it works. I think this, but you all know what its like when you stop taking the medication. A life that you thought was unbearable and that couldn't be any worse suddenly is and all because you stopped taking that little pill.
I love my boyfriend, but I can see that I disapoint him. When he says "another day your not going into work" I wonder why I can't do it, why can't i get up, go into work, not even for him? Why do I feel this way, why today, and why am I ok other days.
Why some days can I walk around the shops and see something I like and want to buy it and the next time be out and see everything through a mist, a distance. A total disinterest. Why do i waste my days laying in bed, why can't I get up?
I just want to hear from other people how they cope. I want a full life. I want to be enthused by work, life. I want to be free of this feeling. I don't want to go back to the doctor for the millionth time. A doctor will only prescribe medication. They will only listen to me, a 15 minute segment of a lifetime of struggle and make a decision using those 15 minutes.
I so desperately want to help myself. If I eat right, exercise, be a decent person, love my boyfriend and family. What else is there to do, what can I do to get on with a normal life.
If anyone has an insight, please share? Maybe it will less the burdon I'm sure most people with depression share.