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Old 11-13-2006, 06:42 PM   #1
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I feel like I've been fighting depression most of my adult life

with remissions. When I met my husband we had like a fantastic 5-6 years. I took something sometimes for sleep but when I was feeling very loved , I dealt with my chronic pain better. I fractured a vertebrae almost 20 years ago and have never lived a day without pain since. Granted its been as low as a 2 and as high as 8.5. To me 10 was the day of the car accident.I now live with chronic pain. Almost 6 years ago after my son was born I experienced ppd which manifested mostly as extreme anxiety. But with meds, I calmed down but was very depressed. My marriage has never been the same. I struggled back mentally and physically (put on the most weight in my life) and over a year ago, exercising aggravated the neck injury so bad I was crawling at home and work. It gives me a feeling of being doomed. But I sought to function as normal as possible because of my son. I had two epidurals of steriod that made a huge difference. Think I'd be grateful -no. Then work took an ugly turn, new boss ( we got bought out) who was rude and didn't respect anyone but herself. I left , thought I found something good and they did a reorganization and now I'm in a position that doesn't really fit my personality. But I feel like I need the money because home is unstable. Then I broke my ribs on a businesss trip-slipped getting out of the tub. At 4 weeks my local dr had me xrayed again and I have the cd and you don't have to know anything to see pieces of my bones floating around. I'm scared. I see him wednesday. I'm scared I'll fall and puncture a lung. Then I did a big scratch on my brand new car. Not the end of the world but stressful. Suddenly I'm back on the slippery slope, grasping for something to hang onto, sobbing in the shower, feeling so overwhelmed I need a break from the every day but don't have much time off. My husband is almost like the tom cruise mentality that if I exercised life would be good. But I have neck issues and broken ribs so I'm waiting for clearance. Just saw a picture of myself and I'm not huge the way he makes me feel.Anyone deal with any of this. I am seeing a counselor and on antidepressants and antianxiety meds. I feel like a failure at everything, and lately because of my stress level I don't feel good about how I'm acting as a mom. Any advice would be appreciated.

 
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Old 11-14-2006, 07:02 AM   #2
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Re: I feel like I've been fighting depression most of my adult life

Quote:
Originally Posted by dazedandconfused10
When I met my husband we had like a fantastic 5-6 years. I took something sometimes for sleep but when I was feeling very loved , I dealt with my chronic pain better.
Dazed, did you grow up not feeling loved? I'm glad you are in therapy. Sounds like you have had a lot piling up on you over the years. I'm really sorry that you have so much to deal with. How long have you been in therapy now?

 
Old 11-14-2006, 05:21 PM   #3
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Re: I feel like I've been fighting depression most of my adult life

no, not very loved as a child, my worth was all in my grades and owing my parents money after being wiped out by a serious car accident. I've been in and out of therapy on and off since my first love of my life left for alaska in my 20's. Years without and lately more often.

 
Old 11-14-2006, 06:32 PM   #4
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Re: I feel like I've been fighting depression most of my adult life

btw Sannah, thanks for the response, just feedback helps.

 
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