I am tired of being depressed so I try to force being happy. The big day is Saturday when I have my son for the day I am mostly in a positive mood but even then it takes some effort somedays. I go out every day to pick up my coffee then I come back to an empty house. The only people I talk to on a daily basis is the drive thru person at the coffee shop. My doctor said I was just exisiting then told me to do more stuff but it is hard. I called the group therapy but they still have not called back to do the assessment. Same complaints the only thing that ever changes is the date.
trg247
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Keep on trying, no matter how hard you find it. It stops the vicious circle. I too have felt 'I just exist'. but now I have DECIDED it is no fun at all. Look at it from a different perspective,
You are how you 'feel'. That can be changed, with effort.
See it as you HAVE depression, not I am depressed. That should get the pom out of you. I've been a pom for far too long. Now, if a pom begins to come along, I do something to avoid getting trapped by it. Focus on the *I* in your thoughts, rather than the *ME*.
pom = poor old me
Nope, I can not stay anywhere inside by myself. I think everyone is staring at me and I get paranoid and that just leads to worse things.
take care
trg247
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
Of course I wouldn't want you to get yourself into a bad situation but maybe you could do it gradually. Just buy the coffee inside the first day and leave. Do it this way for as long as needed and then when you feel comfortable sit down for a few minutes each day until you feel comfortable and then keep extending the time. I know that you have to do what you need to do to keep everything together but not reaching beyond the safe keeps you where you are.
I would agree it sure does take effort to change your beliefs (i.e. I think people are staring at me) but it is well worth the effort. what do they say....perception is everything.
A (action) = I got to buy coffee
B (belief) = I won't sit inside cause people will stare..cause I'm alone or whatever
C (consequence) = I get paranoid and leave and go home to an empty house.
You need to change that
A= I go for coffee
B= I sit inside and people are noticing how spiffy I am dressed...I smile and they smile back.
C= I have a nice cup of coffee while reading the paper.
Well insert your own B and C but I think you get the idea. it might help a bit. changing that B (our belief) can take a loooooong time cause it's what we've been doing for soooo long. But it can be changed...and it's worth the effort. And when B is changed....C will follow.
it's good to try, try, try. it's good because that's the only way to get a sense of "normalcy" (whatever the heck that means) in our lives, and not be cast aside, completely out of the mainstream of this society....
when you're with your son, and you take him out to the park, to play, a movie, etc., do you still feel like you're being stared at by others? or is it different when you're with him or with someone else? and finally-- i know you're capable of doing this: ask yourself if there is any basis in reality to support your thought of others staring at you, as always being true?
When I am with my son 99% of my focus is on him. I use to go to coffee shops with my dad so I have this connection to them. I will go out for coffee with someone and usually handle it prettty well. I handle grocery shopping pretty good but again I focus on the task on hand. I get paranoid for some reason when lots of people are around.
take care
trg247
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
