The basics are go see a doctor and get a proper diagnosis and to eliminate any other reasons for why you are feeling this way. Then counseling/therapy and the big decision whether to take meds or not. Then you get better hopefully. The best thing is to work on the simple things, write down all of your problems and concerns then show them to a doctor. If you stay home and stew on it, it will never go away
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
you need to forget about you past that guy back then wasnt real he is just some guy you have a loving husband and for what he has to put up with hye deserves a wife who will be there for him to i know how your husband feels to have to deal with someone who is depressed i know its hard to let go of your past i have a bad past and sometimes it causes problems in my relationship you just need to forget about the past and enjoy the life you have now and if it gets worst there are plenty of places that will help with counseling or anything you need
i completely agree with trg and mchatbox. i am in a situation very similar to yours, except i'm not married to him. don't let the past destroy the present. relish what you have now. God surrounded you with some good people--cherish them. others like us don't have anybody like that in their lives...they're completely alone. let's thank God for what we've got. and please read what trg and mchatbox said!!!! i would give you the same advice. i'm taking their advice for myself!
Annaf, sorry to hear about your depression. I also agree that you need to get into counseling to deal with these issues (the death of your father and that you feel bad for "giving him a hard time" before he got sick and your lost love - ex bf). Also, I think that it sounds like you don't think that anyone will love you so you will never accept that your husband does love you. You could deal with this self-worth issue in counseling. I agree with Trg, you need to get moving in order for this to get better. I have had people tell me that when they started taking care of themselves and their lives better that they felt better. You have to start taking better care of yourself. Depression can cause chronic pain.
I know I should try counselling...but don't want to make my husband know as I feel I will lose his respect more...and then again I don't want to do it secretively..though I can easily keep it under wraps..
Annaf, if you are going out to get help with counseling how could anyone lose respect for you for this? Going out to get help means that you are taking control and are doing something to get better. This deserves the ultimate respect!