Hi, i have read your posts on the ocd boards, and i think i know what thoughts you're talking about. I have the same sort of thoughts. I understand how suicidal it makes you feel, however we can fight this, keep hanging on. Remeber that it is just ocd, and they are just thoughts, thoughts will not hurt anyone. You will never act on these thoughts, because it's not you, it's just what you're mind wants you to belive.
Hang in there things will get better.