Ill try to make this not too long. My dad left my mom a little over a year ago for someone else after 32 years. On top of that she had to give up her home, animals, is working a low paying labor job at 55 with arthritis, has lost over 40 pounds which she is now dangerously underweight and is SOOO exhausted. Wont (or cant) quit smoking and doesnt take care of her appearance.
She is not only heartbroken and severly depressed, shes afraid of being replaced by this other woman that only my brothers have met. She used to have things to do, horses to take care of, a home to come to and do her thing. Now shes lost on the weekends and doesnt know what to do with herself. I want to her find things to do because me and my husband are moving and wont be here for her all the time. I have two brothers, one whos always borrowing money from her and the other who is a selfish snob and can be quite mean to her, or at least she THINKS he is because of her cognitions.
Ever since thing happened, I knew she would HAVE to go to some kind of couseling. She always says yeah I know I know but makes the excuse that she doesnt have time. Or she thinks that we are telling her to get help because we dont want to deal with her anymore, yet again another negative cognition the depression causes.
She always repeats to me what other people have said to her when they are saying how sorry they are for her and that they cant imagine what its like to be her, likes shes bragging that people feel sorry for her. Im wondering, does she at some point like the pitty? I know thats mean to say but its just that she ALWAYS talks about it.
Shes not the same person she was, and I dont know if shell ever be. I want the old her back, otherwise Im worried what will happen to her or that Ill be one of those people who complain about their moms all the time. I had a miscarraige a month ago and when she found out, only five minutes was about it and the the rest of the conversation she wanted to know if my brother said anything to me about her(they just had a little arguement)! Im like, why the hell does this have to turn into a conversation about if my brother said anything bad about you or not. Then WE got into a fight.
All of our relationships are going down the tubes, Im sick of being worried about her, sick of my brother being a lowlife and sick of my other brother being so important and he doesnt even show much respect to the rest of the family!
Should I find a therapist for her and just make an appointment for her. Do you think that will give her no choice other than to get help. Shes on antidepressants but obviously its not helping. Please advise.
Even if you make her an appointment she still may not go. A person needs to want to get better for themselves not for anyone else or it will not work. If your mother does not want it or believes she does not need it then there is no point until she is ready and able to get on board.
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
What a shame for your mother. It must also be a strain on you, knowing your mother is in such pain. I think you should keep trying to persuade her to go to a connceller. Tell her how worried you are about her. Maybe don't book an appointment without telling her, as she may not be ready for therapy and you can't force help on someone.
If she has never been to therapy before, it can be a huge step to ask for help. I'd recommend asking her to go with you and you set it all up, plus pick her up. If you do not live close by, I'd still take the time. My wife did this for me and I am gradually getting better. It was nice that she was there (she's been to nearly all mine) as she could explain my behavior more accurately than I. What I saw as normal stuff not worth saying, she'd bring up.
If she has a close girlfriend familiar with the situation, she could take this action if you are not nearby. Call her and see if she'd help. She may be like me and think she has gone through all her problems in her mind and no one can help. Someone needs to make it happen and she does not sound like she is capable of following through on this.