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Old 12-02-2006, 02:21 PM   #1
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Unhappy NOT a good day.....

This is the kind of day where you just want to crawl into bed, hide under the covers and sleep until it's all over. I feel so blah. I want to disappear. And I'm going to cry. I won't be able to help it. :'(

I don't think my psychiatrist is doing me much good. I don't know why I think that, I just do. I really like her, but I'm not completely at ease with her, and I know that's a bad thing. I wanted to give it more time, because I know that sometimes it takes a little time, but it's just not happening. And then there's another issue.....

I've finally allowed something to come to the surface of my mind. It is an unresolved issue that occurred about two and a half months after my brother died and I know it plays a HUGE part in my illness. I know that I cannot recover completely until this issue is resolved. The problem is that I CANNOT and WILL NOT talk about it, not with anyone. There's WAY too much hurt and feelings of guilt. The feelings of guilt are not just wrapped up in the unresolved issue, they are also wrapped up in the present (pertaining to a certain person in my life right now) and they are wrapped up in the future. What I finally realized today is that I will remain in this depression until this issue is resolved, or until I die. Considering the way I feel about talking about the issue, I think it will be the latter.

Last edited by Alex6657; 12-03-2006 at 07:51 AM.

 
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Old 12-02-2006, 03:08 PM   #2
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Re: NOT a good day.....

when i first went to my psychatrist i was leary too. didn't quite trust her. it took time and a willingness on my part to be open with her. now i feel comfortable i can tell her anything.

there is NO WAY your going to get through depression if you refuse to help yourself. no one is going to do it for you and its just not going to go away. believe me i tried that route. does not work. why do you want to suffer even more? its best to get help and be as open and honest about your issues. i've told my psy doctor and counselor stuff i never thougth i could. now i just "let 'er rip" at them. its WORK on my part. they can't help if i'm not willing to express and help myself.

anyway.....just my 2 cents for ya.

 
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Old 12-03-2006, 07:35 AM   #3
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Imagine, I have never experienced not wanting to express my problems. When I went to my counselor it came spilling out so easily and I remember crying for the entire session numerous times. I felt such relief doing this. I know that others let some of this pain out and they suffer from it. I can't imagine what that feels like. Sounds like the guilt has a lot to do with why you can't express this stuff. What is the worst thing that you think will happen if you discuss this with a counselor? I'm really sorry that you are stuck between this rock and a hard place. Of course you know that if you can express this stuff and get beyond it that you can free yourself from it. Pucca chick has been dealing with this issue for months now and she finally was able to write it out in a letter for her doc. This was a huge step for her and she did it gradually. Good luck to you in whatever you choose to do.

 
Old 12-03-2006, 07:56 AM   #4
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mokie
when i first went to my psychatrist i was leary too. didn't quite trust her. it took time and a willingness on my part to be open with her. now i feel comfortable i can tell her anything.

there is NO WAY your going to get through depression if you refuse to help yourself. no one is going to do it for you and its just not going to go away.
Yes, I'm well aware of that. It's not a matter of refusing to help myself. It's much more complicated than that. The person that the issue is centred around would absolutely have to be a part of it when I finally do confront the issue and begin to break it down and that will never happen. And then there's the person who is currently in my life and has done a lot for me and supported me in every way possible. I appreciate your advise, but it is just not possible.

BTW, I've been seeing my psychiatrist for more than a year. How long should it take?

Last edited by Alex6657; 12-03-2006 at 08:05 AM.

 
Old 12-03-2006, 08:02 AM   #5
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
Imagine, I have never experienced not wanting to express my problems. When I went to my counselor it came spilling out so easily and I remember crying for the entire session numerous times. I felt such relief doing this. I know that others let some of this pain out and they suffer from it. I can't imagine what that feels like. Sounds like the guilt has a lot to do with why you can't express this stuff. What is the worst thing that you think will happen if you discuss this with a counselor? I'm really sorry that you are stuck between this rock and a hard place. Of course you know that if you can express this stuff and get beyond it that you can free yourself from it. Pucca chick has been dealing with this issue for months now and she finally was able to write it out in a letter for her doc. This was a huge step for her and she did it gradually. Good luck to you in whatever you choose to do.
It's not the counsellor I'm worried about. My brain gets into gear and then my mouth literally freezes solid. What I am able to do is to write about it in a journal. That way I can be completely open and honest. For right now that is all I can do.

Thanks for your help.

 
Old 12-03-2006, 08:04 AM   #6
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImagineLennon
The person that the issue is centred around would absolutely have to be a part of it when I finally do confront the issue and begin to break it down and that will never happen.
Imagine Lennon, I think that you can discuss your issues with a counselor and get yourself right with the issues and not have to confront anyone. My issues centered around my mother and I never set anything right with her. (I swear she has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and she is never going to change). I got the issues straight with only myself and now I am fine and I can interact with my mother fine. Of course she isn't and will never be the mother that I want and need but I deal with her as she is and I am fine with this.

(Did you happen to read my post right before yours. We posted at about the same time and I'm not sure if you read my post.)

 
Old 12-04-2006, 06:30 AM   #7
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
(Did you happen to read my post right before yours. We posted at about the same time and I'm not sure if you read my post.)
I see two from you and I have read them.

I see your point about not needing the other person involved, but that just isn't the case here. I've managed to get past all my "father" problems just fine without having him involved, but this is different. Please, just trust me on this one. I can't even force myself to go into more detail here. All I can do is write in a journal that I keep hidden and/or locked up.

Thank you for your help. I do appreciate it.

 
Old 12-04-2006, 11:01 AM   #8
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Okay, Imagine, I wish you luck on tackling this issue! Keep us posted.

 
Old 12-06-2006, 02:51 AM   #9
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
Okay, Imagine, I wish you luck on tackling this issue! Keep us posted.
Thank you, I'll do that.

 
Old 12-06-2006, 03:06 AM   #10
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Re: NOT a good day.....

ImagineLennon,
The person does not have to be there no matter the stuation. I say take your notebooks to the Dr. and that way it is all there and you do not have to say a thing. When you give your psychiatrist half the story, (s)he'll never be able to help you as you have not put the problem out there. Unless yours has a crystal ball, I'd lay those notebooks on him.

 
Old 12-06-2006, 06:56 AM   #11
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Imagine, remember that depression causes a person's thinking to constrict and narrow to the point where the person doesn't see options that others might. Don't back yourself into a corner where you think that you have no options left. Your depression might be causing you to not see all of the options with your current predicament. I read your post over on the self-injury board.

 
Old 12-07-2006, 12:36 AM   #12
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by mongomad
ImagineLennon,
The person does not have to be there no matter the stuation. I say take your notebooks to the Dr. and that way it is all there and you do not have to say a thing. When you give your psychiatrist half the story, (s)he'll never be able to help you as you have not put the problem out there. Unless yours has a crystal ball, I'd lay those notebooks on him.
As I said to Sannah in an earlier post, "Please just trust me on this one." This is a completely different sort of situation. I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! The other person involved DOES have to be a part of resolving the issue because he/she didn't fully understand everything I was going through when our issue happened. I need to explain, I need to apologize and most of all I pray for forgiveness.

It may work for you to not have the other person involved, but it doesn't always work that way for me.

And as for my psychiatrist, I believe I already said that I'm not entirely comfortable with her. This is a VERY touchy issue, and I MUST be 100% at ease with the person who is going to try to help me through it. She doesn't have a crystal ball, that I'm aware of, and the notebooks are for me and no one else. I've never given her half the story. I never gave her any of this story at all. We've been busy talking about issues with my parents and my grief over losing my brother.

 
Old 12-07-2006, 12:40 AM   #13
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
Imagine, remember that depression causes a person's thinking to constrict and narrow to the point where the person doesn't see options that others might. Don't back yourself into a corner where you think that you have no options left. Your depression might be causing you to not see all of the options with your current predicament. I read your post over on the self-injury board.
I understand what you're saying, but this isn't something I've thought of only while I'm severely depressed. I've thought about it a lot on many occasions when I haven't been depressed at all.

Was it my "I cut today...." post you read?

 
Old 12-07-2006, 10:00 AM   #14
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Re: NOT a good day.....

Yes, Imagine, that was the post that I read.

Last edited by Sannah; 12-07-2006 at 10:00 AM.

 
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