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Old 12-06-2006, 06:34 AM   #1
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pucca_chick HB User
Lightbulb somethings gotta give...

okay so ive decided-however empty my little life seems right now-my head doesnt feel like it. so ive come to the conclusion that i have to get rid of some stress factors-as my doc advised. its going to take balls to do some of it thought and no doubt there is arguements ahead.

i have a choice- im failing UNI right now big style, im cutting again(sorry), im having suicidal day dreams, i feel trapped and absolutley out of all hope, im not bothering much with freinds, christmas just spells extra depressing work for me right now, and i absolutley despise my FIRST job, and only job ive ever had, it makes me cut alot, i hate the place and the bosses, its so inflexable, the rota changes all the time and with my moods i cannot be ready for things like that, i dont have freinds in the place, i just dont fit it and im so nervous when im working i feel like crap all the time im there. and ive just worte that god damn letter to my doc which will probably mean and bus load of stress that i have to confront eg-abuse and stuff.

so, i think, as of this saturday-i may hand in my notice. i cant help but feel so weak. my parents will be so angry and i cant even tell them its cos of my health. i just feel im fighting on the losing side here, im literally falling apart peice by peice. something has got to go and i need to get myself organised-i really cannot keep going like this, as my doc said'do i want to be self harming all my life?', this depression alone has already consumed more than 4 yrs of my life, ive missed out on alot, the abuse has virtually numbed me to intimacy with anyone really and i spend my days in a vegetative state between cutting and just doing stuopid pointless tasks-unless im distracted by someone, but i cant be ditracted 24/7.

this is my first job, im 18 and i should have had one before-but its always the same problenm-i cant juggle so many things, im having to chose between important things, everyone will think im just lazy-i think im going to have to just charge throught everyone coming my way and ignore all the comments-which is so much easier said than done. ive only maintained the job for 3 months-but UNI is really going down hill and my exams are coming up.i cannot afford to blow it.

so what do you guys think, i see my doc on friday, im going to say to her about it, i think shell be pleased as it was what she wanted me to do. please help, i feel im going it alone...........again . xox

 
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Old 12-06-2006, 06:42 AM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: somethings gotta give...

Pucca, I am so glad to hear that you are quitting your job! I thought that it was an added stressor on your life that you didn't need. When you get into counseling and you can start to process all of this stuff and then move on with your life then you can get a job and you will be able to handle it fine then.

 
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