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Old 12-06-2006, 02:33 PM   #1
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oceandreams HB User
Loneliness won't leave me alone

For over a year now I have been having intense feelings of loneliness much of the time that just don't seem to be going away. I'm not completely alone in the world, most of my immediate family is dead and gone, but I have a great husband and a couple of good friends. I often seem to feel this 'alone' feeling even when I'm around other people though, and it's especially bad when I'm by myself. I used to enjoy time by myself, now I almost fear it. I don't understand what's going on.

I've had social anxiety and depression since I was a teenager, but the depression usually wasn't ever very bad except for a couple of short episodes. It has always been the low-grade, chronic type of depression (dysthymia). But this lonely type of depression is killing me. I'm trying to get out and be with people more, do a little volunteer work, attend groups, etc. but of course it's hard with having social anxiety. I don't work because of the anxiety and depression.

I had a very lonely childhood after the age of 8 or 9 (when parents divorced), where I was left alone a lot and moved around from school to school constantly. Was neglected and treated basically like I was a pain in the a**. I used to feel very lonely then. Now it's like all those feelings from that time have come back.

I don't know what else I can do to shake this. Therapy doesn't seem to help, I'm taking a low dosage of Prozac (all I can tolerate) and it has helped only a little. Some days I think I'm going to go crazy from loneliness.

Anyone else have the same problem, and what do you do that helps?

 
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Old 12-06-2006, 03:14 PM   #2
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xxxzoexxx HB User
Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

i think this sounds more like anxiety. are you in therapy? If not i think you should see about going, you could really benefit form it.

take care.

 
Old 12-06-2006, 04:33 PM   #3
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Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

For me, loneliness is the most haunting issue in my life. I think that I have subconsciously avoided making lasting contacts because I fear getting hurt. And I also think that I have made too much of it...a therapist once told me that some people have no one in their lives, so I should be grateful for the few contacts that I have. But I still am lonely. I'm trying to get myself planted in some group before Christmas, in a volunteer capacity. Sometimes, I think that I have lost those social skills needed to make new friends. But realistically, I believe that I have just not been in the same social situations as when I was younger, and those skills can be revived.

 
Old 12-06-2006, 04:47 PM   #4
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xpax HB User
Thumbs up Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

Dear oceandreams:

Let me tell you that it is not your fault, as in blame, for your feelings. They are very real and true.

You are about to think I am a total crock.

A lot of people do not take religion or God seriously. But slowly studying religion, I find that everyone has a god.
The god of money, the god of lust, the god of sociopathic ambition, the god of self, the god of evil, even the god of no god.

Although I am alone, I do not feel loneliness unless I find myself away from my god, the God of gods. Even as a teenager, with my depr I was suicidal. What appears to have kept me together was not feeling alone, although I walked the halls of the school alone to pass the time on breaks, shy and skinny and acne-ridden. Why?
My working parent always quietly espoused religion.
As my God has said for generations, "come closer to me, and I will come closer to you."
My God has a spirit, just as we each have a spirit. We call it the Holy Spirit, the Comforter, the Intercessor.
I find my alone-self rarely felt loneliness, because my feeling for my God kept His Spirit (in the role of Comforter and Intercessor) God's feeling for me close to my soul.

So many people will find this all so wierd, they will scorn and laugh.
God chose the foolishness of preaching to confound the worldly-wise, and draw to Him those who need Him.

Religion is hokum, for the weak-kneed, or losers who can't make it on their own? I had it made on my own, but I could not change my brain chemistry to beat this depr and social anx.

Dear oceandreams, I believe you have lost your worldly comfort zone and are in need of the Higher Power, the Comforter. If I did not believe that, from what you have written, I would not be risking my skin writing all this.
Take it from me, the Comforter can be closer to your heart than your dear husband, or your own self.
But I warn you, the Holy Spirit is that of Jesus as well as God, and you will grow to love the Comforter, and soon find yourself loving Who you cannot see, but can sure feel!
You might become a C-h-r-i-s-t-i-a-n!

P.S. Dear bloodyhell, try ToastMasters.

Good Health, xpax

 
Old 12-06-2006, 04:55 PM   #5
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Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

Hi: I get that feeling too. Could be standing in a crowded room yet feel completly alone. It is almost like there is a piece missing from the puzzle and no matter how hard we look we can't find that piece because we are looking in the wrong place.

take care
trg247
__________________
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
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Current Meds
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Old 12-07-2006, 09:10 AM   #6
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by bloodyhell
...a therapist once told me that some people have no one in their lives, so I should be grateful for the few contacts that I have.
Bloodyhell, this is a terrible thing for a therapist to say! It's like saying that you have no right to feel the way that you do. If a person is lonely, they are lonely and work needs to be done to change that, not tell the person that they shouldn't be feeling the way that they are feeling. Anyway, I hope that you can get beyond your fear of getting hurt so that you can develop some deeper relationships.

Oceandreams, do you feel that you are not connecting with people?

 
Old 12-07-2006, 02:27 PM   #7
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oceandreams HB User
Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

Thanks for the responses everyone.

Sannah, Yes I guess I feel that I don't connect with other people most of the time. I'm uncomfortable in social situations and it usually takes me a long time to trust people. Basically I think my problem is low self-esteem, but I still haven't managed to develop a better self-image. I tell myself "you're just as good as anyone else", etc. etc., but I still feel otherwise I guess.

Or maybe it's just learned behavior that I can't seem to break out of.

 
Old 12-08-2006, 06:41 AM   #8
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

Oceandreams, you said that you felt that you were treated like you were a pain in the ***. Wow, like must have done wonders for how you feel about yourself. Remember, your parents were dealing with a very stressful divorce and their own problems and how they treated you had nothing to do with your value as a person. Parents get tired in normal situations and in stressful situations I am sure their parenting takes a beating. Also, if you moved from school to school you never got the chance to develop lasting bonds with people. You said that you just started feeling again like you did when you were a child, what do you think triggered this? You just mentioned that all of your family is gone now, was this in the recent past? Do you think that you keep people at a distance because you don't want them to reject you like your parents did? Many people keep people at a distance so that they don't get hurt. If you can see this for what it is and find the courage to reach out anyway it might help. If you felt better about yourself you might be able to absorb some occasional "rejection". I find myself in situations where someone might not want to talk or they don't respond to me like I would like, but I have gotten really strong and I don't let it bother me. I also on occasion, if I am feeling tired or whatever, I don't want to talk with others or interact either and it has nothing to do with that person.

Last edited by Sannah; 12-08-2006 at 06:44 AM.

 
Old 12-08-2006, 01:11 PM   #9
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Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

I constantly have this same feeling. I am married and have two children and I am very close with my family. From the outside people think I am a happy person, but truthfully, I feel empty and alone. I have so many things to be thankful for, yet I don't always feel happy. I too have a fear of being alone, though I am usually never alone, because I have an 8 month old and a 3 year old. Maybe it's because I am home alone all day and don't have anyone around to have a grown up conversation with haha anyway, I know what you are going through, and I can definately sympathize. When I am feeling this way, it really helps me to talk about it with my husband. So that he can understand how I am feeling and I can express it and kind of just vent Goodluck to you and I hope you have a better day today!

 
Old 12-09-2006, 10:59 AM   #10
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oceandreams HB User
Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
...You said that you just started feeling again like you did when you were a child, what do you think triggered this? You just mentioned that all of your family is gone now, was this in the recent past? Do you think that you keep people at a distance because you don't want them to reject you like your parents did?
I started feeling this extreme loneliness after my husband and I moved, a little over a year ago. We had lived in the same house for 13 years prior to the move, and I didn't realize how attached I had become to my home and familiar surroundings. But I was depressed and lonely before that too, just didn't feel it nearly so strongly as I do now (I think I was just keeping my emotions buried, now I can't do it anymore). It's been 10 years and longer since all of my family on my mother's side passed away, and I do still miss them of course (always will). And yes, I do feel like I will be rejected or judged by others, because my mother was verbally abusive and emotionally distant. My father (actually he was my stepfather, but was like a father to me) was transferred to another state after the divorce and I never saw him again. He had been the stable and loving parent to me, then he was just suddenly gone.

Thanks Sannah for your interest and for letting me 'talk' about this. It all still haunts me no matter how long ago it was.

Last edited by oceandreams; 12-09-2006 at 11:11 AM.

 
Old 12-09-2006, 11:09 AM   #11
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oceandreams HB User
Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

Jausbaun, Do you have any ideas about what might be making you feel lonely?

 
Old 12-10-2006, 07:04 AM   #12
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

Oceandreams, when I moved over 12 years ago from my home state it caused about a 1/2 dozen changes in my life and it was VERY stressful (this was when I still suffered from anxiety). Yes, moving is very stressful. But I look back on it now and see that it caused me to examine myself and make needed changes so it was a good thing. I am very happy to give you the opportunity to discuss this. I know how important it is to do this and to connect with people. I truly believe that issues will always "haunt" until they are dealt with. My mother was and is still emotionally distant so I know what it is like to grow up like this. She wasn't abusive, though. Thank God I had my dad who was very able to connect with me. Who knows where I would be now without him. I'm glad that you had your stepdad for a bit even though it would have been better to have had him for longer. Please don't be afraid that others will be abusive like your mother was.

Jausbun, can you join any Mom's Clubs or anything? When I stayed home with my children I was feeling a bit down at first also until I found fellowship with other moms in my situation. This helped my children and I to get out and really enjoy staying home. I learned so much about parenting from these other "professional moms" also.

 
Old 12-17-2006, 05:26 AM   #13
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Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

hi

i know i'm joining in late on this topic, but just want to say that i share the same situation. when i was depressed, i moved slowly away from the crowd into my own world. sometimes i hate the feeling of loneliness, but other times i rather prefer being left alone to myself. being depressed puts you on a different track from another person in terms of how you see and feel about certain things. i find that i have become more sensitive to people's feelings and look at things differently, as if my point of reference has shifted.

after being left to my own devices for so long, reconnecting with people especially at a deeper level is a challenge to me. i try to enjoy being with people, but the past experience where no one really understood what i was going through has made me feel company is redundant.

 
Old 12-17-2006, 12:59 PM   #14
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Phazed HB User
Re: Loneliness won't leave me alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by skykate
hi

i know i'm joining in late on this topic, but just want to say that i share the same situation. when i was depressed, i moved slowly away from the crowd into my own world. sometimes i hate the feeling of loneliness, but other times i rather prefer being left alone to myself. being depressed puts you on a different track from another person in terms of how you see and feel about certain things. i find that i have become more sensitive to people's feelings and look at things differently, as if my point of reference has shifted.

after being left to my own devices for so long, reconnecting with people especially at a deeper level is a challenge to me. i try to enjoy being with people, but the past experience where no one really understood what i was going through has made me feel company is redundant.
I experience the same thing. When I'm depressed, I want to cut people out and escape their questions. Its easy to lapse into a situation where you believe that no one is on your level, and no one can understand what your going through. Thats part of the inherent depression cycle: your mind telling itself that its better off alone because everyone else can't help you and can only drag those people down. Have faith in your friends and yourself, no one is alone.

 
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