Since starting on Effexor about 2 months ago, I have been doing better, but this week, depression is getting the best of me. Here is my rambling story: I was married for over 20 years. The marriage was never very good: constant money problems, communication problems, intimacy problems: just not a good match that never really got better, perhaps got worse as the years went on. I finally filed for divorce about three years ago, as we were about to lose our house (the ex would not work). Since the divorce, I have had a hell of a time moving forward. My employment situation has been in disaray as I haven't been able to find a tolerable teaching job within 100 miles of my kids who live my ex. I left the state and spent a year in Wyoming. That didn't go well, The job was a crock and Wyoming is a tough place to be alone under any circumstance. My return to Ca hasn't gone well. I have started and quit two jobs, the kind of jobs that nobody would take unless they were desperate. I'm back living in my parents back room, where I spent a year prior to leaving for Wyoming. I'm 35 miles from my kids and wearing out my welcome with my parents...and losing patience with a life that seems to be going in reverse or neutral at best. The last three years have been quite rough. My hope of actually meeting someone relatively compatible is beginning to look like a pipe dream. I don't want to move back in with my ex but it seems that I have gained nothing since the divorce. My depression certainly hasn't improved since leaving. My motivation to look for work is low...and my kids are growing up seemingly without me. Well, that's my sad story of the day.
Hello Pianoman: It sounds like you are really between a rock and a hard place. Don't give up hope. When I got divorced, it took a long time to get back on my feet. It sounds to me like you really need to get into therapy. I found that group therapy was very helpful to me, it's good to hear others' stories. If that is not possible, maybe the stories you read here will help. Seek out talk therapy. Keep in touch.
Pianoman, I have always believed that it is better to stay and work on a relationship (that is if both sides are working on it) than to move on because the problems will just follow you. Relationship problems are due to the issues of the two folks involved. A lot can be learned by working through this stuff but like I said if one person doesn't want to work on it then there's no point.
Thank you both for your responses. Yes. I need therapy but am currently having insurance problems. Yes. I need someone to talk to. I have no one that can stand listening to me anymore. I agree. It is better to stay and work on a relationship. I filed for divorce when I felt that there was no hope for improvement and that life has to be better than better than being stuck in a lousy marriage. I've been gone for close to three years now. I can't say that things have been better. I'm not as angry as I was but the depression and lonliness is no fun. My ex still wants me back. I'm beginning to give it serious thought. Thanks again for your responses.