well today i made a rather scary step-i quit my job. i only have to work the weekend and then im gone. i was crapping myself having to tell my boss as she thinks im a wimp and generally has a dislike for me. she asked me what the personal reasons were-i just said my doctor advised me and then she shut up thankfully.was it her business to ask??-is that not why they call it PERSONAL?!
anyways, my parents have no clue, im so dead. i figure if i can just fake it till xmas eve itll be ok cos i then i can just say that my contract for xmas is up.so thats like two weeks.i feel so guilty looking at them.
i felt like rubbish when i quit, i was gonna cut badly but then when i got home i felt i could persevere-plus im seeing my doc tomorrow and i want to be able to say i only cut once this week. i feel so weak and like some kind of wimp-how can i not keep a 12hr job with UNI?? speaking of UNI im so screwed,i havnt handed in any essays, my coursework is all low marks, i havnt started the other stuff, havnt done any readings from week 3 onwards and my brain just wont focus or function properly. ive had some pretty morbid thoughts this week, everything is so never ending, i sometimes just want to drift off to sleep with some pills-but i wont.
how long do you reckon i should stay off work for?? im already applying for one closer after xmas-just to keep my parents happy. i just feel i cant juggle everything, its like trying to hold 10 gallons of water in my hands. but now at least ive ticked on stress factor off my list and im now going to concentrate on getting caught up with UNI. then tomorrow i see my doc-to talk about this letter
im terrified but it has to be done. i feel so rubbish, why does nothing ever work for me??? ugh-ill let you all know hopw my app goes. xox