well im a little bit better-cos i know its so far away. ive bin in a kind of haze, trying to ignore things and trying to be positive. its a weird feeling-like being falsley happy ot something and trying to hide from myself.
im still working until next week
its really dragging and feels uphill constantly. i havent cut since last tuesday which is good. im a bit annoyed-my memory is turning to crap. i cant remember things, i would normally have a good memory of conversations that matter to me, almost like a movie, i remember tone and pitch and facial expression -i can imitate them to a tee, but recently everything is fading, conversations, appointments, dates, comments, were ive been. i dont remember the week before really and i forget everything-evern what my doc has said to me, i keep making stupid mistakes in everything and am in a bit of a trance a lot. i feel everything is catching up on me and ive no control.
about bringing my parents into the mix-no way still. ive thought about it and if push comes to shuv ill tell them im at a counsellor for anxiety when speaking in class-that i was refferred for a short course to help me make presentations for my grades-but that it and only if its an absolute must!
do you know if i still see my GP once i go to the psych-i liked my GP she was good to talk to, i felt she did care. in a freaky kind of way ill miss her, i feel like such a loser-i want to be freinds with my doc
i wont actually go ahead with this, its just id like to have a freind just like her-who i can open up to, she is the first person who i ever told about any of this and she has shown me real compassion- not to mention pateince! she is alot older than me opbviously-it feels like she is a proper adult and i trust her in what she tells me. i want to please her now. anyone else like this?? xox