Teletubbie

Hi everybody. I am new to Healthboards. I was so glad and relieved then i came across this forum. Glad to know there are lots of you that feel the same as I do. Depression was part of my life since I can remember. Early childhood memories is of me coming home hoping that my mother changed into something anything and is still not in her pj's 3 o clock in the afternoon and hoping she stopped crying. I also thought she was weak and had no reason to be like that. SUPRISE! I ended up being her. It got very bad when I fell pregnant the first time and I was on meds for 6 months after my first son was born. I felt great but so guilty for not being able to cope on my own that i stopped taking it. Second pregnancy even worse. got it in the second trimester. even concidered suicide. Back on meds. same story again. Try to cope with out meds but at the moment I am really bad. why do i do this to myself. Why can't i admit that i need help and just go back on to meds? everybody is suffering and my marriage isn't doing to well either.