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Old 12-12-2006, 03:19 PM   #1
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Mom2many HB User
Depression vs. Anxiety???(very long post sorry)

I cannot determine which is controlling my life.....
I will start by saying since I'm 8 years old(when my parents divorced) my life has been spiraling out of control and up until now I have held it together(33 now )at 12 I lost my mother to cancer and my father basically turned me and my sister over to my older sister for his girlfriend. I was a rebelous teenager and drove my sister crazy(she was 25 at the time) until I dropped out of school at 17 and moved out of her house and bounced from job to job until meeting my husband when I was 19 and we had out 1st(of4)children when I was almost 21. I had everything together. I was organized, structured emotionally stable until I starting fearing death(which I thought was normal because of losing my mother at such a young age)this started about 6 months after my first child but wasn't overly consuming me. In 2000 I had my 3rd little boy and when he was a year old we almost lost him to a near-drowning accident. I left him with a babysitter who put him in the bathtub and walked out of the room and he spent a month in the PICU on ventilator's. I feel like that is when things got bad...My husband and I disagreed on how I handled my emotion(I was VERY angry that the babysitter(his aunt)never called and explained what happened and he was just happy that my son was alive.... so after awhile we just agreed to disagree and move on. Things were okay and then in 2004 he decided that N.Y. was too expensive and that we should move out of state to N.C. and after awhile I gave in(thinking it was best for MY family) well we moved with the agreement(me not being a fan of change)that if after a year I was miserable he would find a way to get me back there(N.Y.)well a month after we moved I got pregnant and have been crying ever since.... I don't clean anymore, I am in my pajama's until I have to go get the kid's from school, I'm ALWAYS in a bad mood(not sad.....mad)I am very irritable, I have no patience...but then I feel bad at night after I have yelled all day and they go to bed and I sit in their rooms and cry... I find that I lay in my bed and talk to my Mother and explain to her how much I miss her but to PLEASE not take me away from the world yet because I'm afraid for my children that I'm not going to get to watch them grow up?????and I ask her to send me a sugn of what I should do?? I feel terrible because my oldest is almost 12 and he knows that something is not right with me...that i'm always yelling at him.. and I try not to but I have no pateince when its happening.....Am I crazy?? do I need to move back to N.Y. I just want to be my old self again and don't know how..... I have babled my life story now so if ANYONE has any advice you would really be helping my whole family.....
XOXOXO,
Tracy

 
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Old 12-12-2006, 03:30 PM   #2
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Re: Depression vs. Anxiety???(very long post sorry)

I think you could be suffering from depression but you really should see a doctor. I don't really know what to tell you but if it is depression more than likely you are going to be unhappy where ever you go. Also you probaly benifit from counseling to help deal with the things of the past.

trg247
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Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
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Old 12-12-2006, 09:51 PM   #3
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Re: Depression vs. Anxiety???(very long post sorry)

Hi Tracy,

You've had a lot of loss in your early life, and some darn big scares (almost losing your son) more recently. You've been depressed off and on since you were young, and it sounds like your dad kind of abandoned you girls at least emotionally after your mom died. You got married young and then had your first little one.

Then you started fearing death when he was 6 months old, which to me sure sounds like postpartum depression with "intrusive thoughts". It's anxiety-based. Everything a mom could worry about gets stuck running over and over in her brain. To you, death was your biggest fear so that's what stuck there and replayed. I went through this too, and I didn't know what the heck it was either.

When your 3rd son almost drown that was a huge scare and the month of PICU must have been such a scary time, and very exhausting. For the one event alone, many many people would have been taking antidepressants and antianxiety meds. With all your previous stressors, wow, you are one strong woman!!

Anxiety and depression are close cousins. It really does sound like you are depressed right now, and for plenty of good reasons. It's time to take care of you. Is your youngest....a year old now, or there abouts? Do you still have an OB there in NC? If you could find some Postpartum support in NC, and I know there is some, they could point you in the right direction. It sounds like you were depressed from conception through pregnancy and now postpartum, but no one has noticed or diagnosed it (not that I can diagnose you--I just recognize stuff from my own experience). Oh, and all that anger? Part of depression. Who knew? I didn't. Wish I had--it coulda saved my whole family a ton of stress.

You're not crazy, and there really is help for this. Call your doctor, the one you feel most comfortable talking with, and make an appointment, pronto, to get some relief. Relief for me was (and is again) in the form of Zoloft. It may work for you, or there may be something else, but there is help out there. Let us know how the phone calling goes. It's a hard call to make, but it's so worth it in the long run.

hugs

Last edited by msbibe; 12-13-2006 at 12:02 AM.

 
Old 12-13-2006, 04:56 AM   #4
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Re: Depression vs. Anxiety???(very long post sorry)

Mom2many, I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. You sound like you are overwhelmed. Please get help for yourself and for the sake of your children. I am a reformed screamer and you must stop putting your children through this. This is not the way that your children need to grow up. Again, I am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. Counseling can really help you process your past and sort out your feelings of today. Good luck to you.

 
Old 12-13-2006, 11:08 AM   #5
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Re: Depression vs. Anxiety???(very long post sorry)*****UPDATED WENT TO THE DR.)*****

Thanks to all of you
I did call my Dr and went in to see him and he has prescribed Fluoxetine I don't know much about this drug but I am willing to try anything at this point.. He also gave me a prescription for Xanax for those days that I am just off the wall. My question is since I don't know about any of these medicines and there side effects I have been going to different websites and the info is quite scary I cannot stand to gain another pound and to be any more tired than I already am I would be sleeping all day . So how are these med's going to help me??? not to mention the effects on your sex drive(which is already lacking for me)Do any of you know about this medicine??
XOXO,
Traci

 
Old 12-13-2006, 01:47 PM   #6
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Re: Depression vs. Anxiety???(very long post sorry)

Hey there,

Way to go--gee, you don't dither around wringing your hands once you make up your mind, do you?

Fluoxetine is generic Prozac. Try to stay away from internet searches on it because there are plenty of horror websites for all the meds. Just know that starting slow and working up to an effective dose works, and at some point after you start it and haven't gotten a dose increase you may start to feel like you are going backwards. It's usually just an increase that's needed. Also, don't stop taking it suddenly. Prozac is usually more forgiving than most, but it varies for different people.

You may feel a little weird for the first couple of days taking it. That's partly what the Xanax is for--to help get through that, and to help with stress and anxiety, and sleep (take as prescribed). Xanax isn't for the long term. Prozac can eventually help with anxiety and depression and other symptoms.

Most of the SSRIs do interfere some with sex drive. If you can stand the idea of meds for a year and that that year may not be the most "romantic" it can be okay. Feeling better is worth a whole lot. But yeah, that's one reason people decide to quit or switch meds. The weight gain or loss is individual--some people gain some people lose.

Give this a week or so before deciding one way or another if it's the med for you, but keep your doc (and us) posted on how it all goes.

It's a relief a little to actually see the doc and get something started, isn't it?

 
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