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Old 12-13-2006, 12:46 PM   #1
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sunshine0806 HB User
Thumbs down Holiday Parties

My grandparents always have this get-together on Christmas Eve that all the family on my dad's side go to. I'm a shy person by nature as it is, but I think that especially this year, my nosy aunts asking questions about my love life, career and everything else will just be too much for me. My life this past year has been like a bad Lifetime movie - my apartment robbery, night in the psych ward, break-up with the professor I was dating... Not appropriate family discussion. I also don't know which relatives know what about my life - I'd hope that my parents would at least keep quiet about my psych ward episode, but who knows. Anyway, I'll be expected to go, but I seriously don't think I can. I can come up with a good excuse - I may do something with a friend if he's not working - but, I know I'll feel guilty if I don't go. More like my parents will MAKE me feel guilty if I don't go. I'm not a child, I'm 25 years old - if I was on my own like I have been for every Christmas in the past few years, I'd make my decision and be ok with it. Now that my life has instantly self-destructed, I'm stuck living with my parents and have to deal with them. I've been taking medication since October, which has helped some, but I still go through spells of high anxiety and depression. They've been hitting me more frequently lately (though not nearly as bad as before taking the medication) - I guess it's the stress of the holidays and trying to find a job.

How do you feel about holiday parties? How does what you're going through affect how you feel about them? Are you going, or are you making excuses to avoid going?

 
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Old 12-13-2006, 12:54 PM   #2
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Re: Holiday Parties

Tell them what they want to hear!!! If you only see them rarely then tell a little white lie - ie I am dating a guy, but its early days etc
PS
In life, NEVER NEVER do anything you dont want to EVER.
I have a nosey aunt, and on visits she always knows how to push my buttons!! ie she will ask me how much I earn etc - just Smile - I know you have been through a tough year, but hey - YOU CAN DO IT!!! You are not the only one who's shy, and feels out of their comfort zone at times. Put your best party frock on, and smile like your winning - you will show them (if they do know about the night in hospital) that alls well now.
Hope this helps?? xx

 
Old 12-13-2006, 03:33 PM   #3
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sunshine0806 HB User
Re: Holiday Parties

Hope this helps?? xx

It does, and thank you, but I still don't want to go to the party.

 
Old 12-16-2006, 09:01 AM   #4
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Survivor3 HB User
Re: Holiday Parties

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshine0806
My grandparents always have this get-together on Christmas Eve that all the family on my dad's side go to. I'm a shy person by nature as it is, but I think that especially this year, my nosy aunts asking questions about my love life, career and everything else will just be too much for me. My life this past year has been like a bad Lifetime movie - my apartment robbery, night in the psych ward, break-up with the professor I was dating... Not appropriate family discussion. I also don't know which relatives know what about my life - I'd hope that my parents would at least keep quiet about my psych ward episode, but who knows. Anyway, I'll be expected to go, but I seriously don't think I can. I can come up with a good excuse - I may do something with a friend if he's not working - but, I know I'll feel guilty if I don't go. More like my parents will MAKE me feel guilty if I don't go. I'm not a child, I'm 25 years old - if I was on my own like I have been for every Christmas in the past few years, I'd make my decision and be ok with it. Now that my life has instantly self-destructed, I'm stuck living with my parents and have to deal with them. I've been taking medication since October, which has helped some, but I still go through spells of high anxiety and depression. They've been hitting me more frequently lately (though not nearly as bad as before taking the medication) - I guess it's the stress of the holidays and trying to find a job.

How do you feel about holiday parties? How does what you're going through affect how you feel about them? Are you going, or are you making excuses to avoid going?

Try preparing answers ahead of time. Seems to me avoiding will only make it worse.

 
Old 12-17-2006, 03:13 AM   #5
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skykate HB User
Re: Holiday Parties

Quote:
Originally Posted by Survivor3
Try preparing answers ahead of time. Seems to me avoiding will only make it worse.
I like your solution Survivor3 Avoiding will only make people more curious and want to find out more....

 
Old 12-17-2006, 01:40 PM   #6
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KimyReizeger HB User
Re: Holiday Parties

Quote:
Originally Posted by chocolatelab
In life, NEVER NEVER do anything you dont want to EVER....

...IPut your best party frock on, and smile like your winning - you will show them
Bit of a contradiction at work there? Surely in 'showing them' you're merely lying to yourself?

I'm personally sick of the indignity in churning out staple answers to inane questions. If I spend a night ********ting I usually wake up feeling shallow and insincere. Try and remove the notion of having to give them what they want because, generally, people just want to hear the truth (at least a filtered version)?

On the topic in general - I am also dreading having to make conversation with old family friends etc. The prospect of two weeks with the parents is similarly daunting, I'm going to need to find something to keep me occupied

 
Old 12-17-2006, 02:54 PM   #7
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Re: Holiday Parties

Quote:
Originally Posted by KimyReizeger
I'm personally sick of the indignity in churning out staple answers to inane questions. If I spend a night ********ting I usually wake up feeling shallow and insincere. Try and remove the notion of having to give them what they want because, generally, people just want to hear the truth (at least a filtered version)?
That's why I don't want to go - I hate lying. I'm no saint, but lying is one thing I don't do. I will feel guilty all day over even a small fib. It's almost impossible to explain my current situation without getting into my recent past. It's not that I care what these people think, esp. because I don't see them that often. I just get anxious when I'm around people that I know, but am not close to. I don't know why, but it just makes me nervous.

I've decided I'm not going to go. I tested the waters with my mom, and she doesn't seem to mind me not going. She said she'd just say I was with a friend or something (which may not be a lie - depends on what my friends are doing. Hopefully at least one of them won't be busy). My grandma volunteered me to help her and all my little cousins bake Christmas cookies - I figure if I suffer through that, it should give me an out for this get together. It's my dad's family, but he knows how they are - he didn't even ask if I was going with them to visit on Thanksgiving. He knew I wouldn't be up for it. If I tell them that I'll stop by my grandparents later on Christmas Day, he shouldn't give me a hard time. I know you think that it may be better for me to go, but I seriously doubt that. I'm recovering well and don't want to feel bad during Christmas. I want to be around people that will make me feel good. My parents don't fully understand what I'm going through, but after they saw the state I was in a few weeks ago, they're at least backing off a little and trying to be supportive.

 
Old 12-18-2006, 07:11 AM   #8
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Seymour93 HB User
Re: Holiday Parties

Quote:
Originally Posted by Survivor3
Try preparing answers ahead of time. Seems to me avoiding will only make it worse.
Yeah. I agree. Personally, reasons to go outweigh my wanting to skip holiday get togethers. I feel better about myself by going. I used to find an excuse to duck them but then I felt worse afterwards. Thinking outside the box is really good. Given a chance these get togethers can actually be enjoyable!

 
Old 12-22-2006, 04:44 PM   #9
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Survivor3 HB User
Re: Holiday Parties

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshine0806
My grandparents always have this get-together on Christmas Eve that all the family on my dad's side go to. I'm a shy person by nature
Shyness and Depression. Could this be a good time to practice social skills?

 
Old 12-22-2006, 05:08 PM   #10
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sunshine0806 HB User
Re: Holiday Parties

Quote:
Originally Posted by Survivor3
Shyness and Depression. Could this be a good time to practice social skills?
What do you mean? In what type of environment? I hope to start working after the holidays, which will help with my social skills. I've always been a shy person, but normally, didn't get very anxious around people, not enough to get in the way of working, school, or socializing. I majored in communications, believe it or not. I think going through the events that triggered the depression made me more distrustful of people, and also anxiety goes along with depression often times. I don't think the party would be a good way of practicing social skills, if that's what you mean. It doesn't fit the definition of "positive interaction." These are people who will sit around and discuss my cousin's receding hairline and how it will affect his life. I realize that it will only be a setback to spend time with these people, so I've made the decision not to go, and firmly stand by that decision.

I don't think socializing is something I have to re-learn. I think it will come back to me as I feel better. I do have friends and family that I like to spend time with, and I go out quite a bit. I think taking the step of getting back in the workplace, just part-time for starters, will help to give me the confidence I need. My doctor and I also regularly talk about socializing and anxiety - that's helping me sort out what I need to do to progress.

 
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