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Old 12-13-2006, 05:14 PM   #1
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Mokie HB User
Question Life is confussing

Well, i saw my counselor today. talked with her about how i feel. what i've been doing in the last month since i saw her. went to a women's night out christmas party, volunteeried for an event. signed up for an art class. she thought that was all wonderful but still i tell her I dont' feel like i fit in anywhere. and she was like "what do you mean by that?" they ALWAYS seem to ans your ? with a ?. well it seems to me i see most people married, have family get together, have children. thats all fine and good but when your single going to these functions of married people, elderly (Please DO NOT take anything personally here), kids, etc it tends to make me feel left out. but then she goes on to say that doesn't mean they are fitting in or not fitting in. i guess.

i was getting a little defensive this time says "i can't relate to other people. i can only relate to ME and I dont' know where I fit in in life."

anyway..i need to read more she thinks. what ever. i dont' like to read for one thing but did manage to finish the last book she suggested. all this counseling is doing is offering support and guidance. it is nice talking with someone who won't judge me. someone i can just let'r'rip at. it is nice. so i dont' know what i'm trying to say. just wanted to write i guess. maybe some one out there feels like i do. i dont' know.

counselor says i need to reach out more. i tend to wait till someone comes to me and she says that i'm cheating myself. as i dont' know who is coming to meet me. i should be reaching out to pick and choose who i want to meet. sounds logical. maybe i'll try it....but i told her i've made friends before and they all ended up leaving for one reason or another so i hold back. i dont' want to get hurt again. but then she says...would you rather stay misserable then take a chance? hummm...sounds logical too....maybe i should try that also.....

Last edited by Mokie; 12-13-2006 at 05:15 PM.

 
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Old 12-14-2006, 05:34 AM   #2
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: Life is confussing

Hi Mokie, yes all of these things sound like good plans to try. Yes, I agree, you have to reach out. I think that if you could get comfortable with rejection it could help a lot. I probably experience some sort of episode of rejection numerous times every month BUT I also experience more episodes of acceptance and connection with others. I never let rejection get me down. There are all sorts of reasons for it and it doesn't mean that I am a bad person or that I am defective. People like certain kinds of other people and sometimes I fit that description for them and other times I do not. Just think of all of the different types of people. There are conservatives, liberals, religious folks, risk takers, tom boys, homosexuals, good ole boys, stuffy types, serious people, jokesters, the list goes on and on. There is nothing wrong with any of these people, they are just different from each other and some would prefer to be with some of them and not others. This is okay. You have to be brave and take the risk in order to find your niche. You cannot let life pass you by, you have to take it by the horns, hang on and enjoy the ride!

 
Old 12-14-2006, 02:48 PM   #3
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Re: Life is confussing

I know what you mean about making friends and then having them leave for one reason or another, and that's the end of that friendship. It has happened to me so many times, it makes me feel like why bother even trying? I get too attached to people, and it's hard to let go and move on to the next one. Some people seem to be able to do that so easily, I don't see how.

 
Old 12-15-2006, 05:24 AM   #4
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Re: Life is confussing

Quote:
Originally Posted by oceandreams
I know what you mean about making friends and then having them leave for one reason or another, and that's the end of that friendship. It has happened to me so many times, it makes me feel like why bother even trying? I get too attached to people, and it's hard to let go and move on to the next one. Some people seem to be able to do that so easily, I don't see how.
Hi oceandreams, I think that the people who can do it easily don't think that when they lose a friend that it is a huge statement about their own self-worth. I think that people who get really upset about it think "its true, I am worthless, see I have lost another friend".

Last edited by Sannah; 12-15-2006 at 05:25 AM.

 
Old 12-16-2006, 05:06 PM   #5
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Re: Life is confussing

sannah.....you make it sound so easy. i'm not used to rejection. never have been so my idea of meeting people just to be rejected doesn't go over to well with me. i met someone a couple months ago. another girl my age. i thought "Great. a new friend." i was thinking of what we could do together. i was so excited. then she wrote me saying "i'm not blowing you off...>BUT...." i was devestated again. so someone is going to have to prove to me big time they want to be my friend to stay for a long time. its just hard. i dont' have confidence in myself. i told my counselor this. so i dont' know. maybe i'll meet a new friend in the art class i signed up for. we'll see.

 
Old 12-17-2006, 03:00 AM   #6
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Re: Life is confussing

hi Mokie,

I can understand how you feel.
When I was in my worst shape years ago, I didn't feel like hanging out with friends. My head was full of confusing thoughts and questions of why ??. When I tried to talk to friends about it, most either couldn't understand why I felt that way, or were put off by the negativity that I "emitted" everywhere I went. Gradually, I spent most of the time alone immersing in my own thoughts trying to sort it out.

Now I feel much better, I have more friends and talk about more positive and forward looking topics. But I still feel most comfortable being by myself. The person who knows me best is me.... Sometimes by choice, I like to be alone rather than hang out. And I realise that I have inhibition getting close to people. I always wondered if it is a personality issue. Only lately have I come to realise that it may be due to the depression. Anyway I'm trying to deal with it as best as I can. It's like clearing up the bits and pieces after a big explosion.

Mokie, reading widely works for me. To sort out my confusing thoughts and find some meaning, I read lots of books - from psychology to philosophy to religion. To me, depression is like a distorted frame of mind. Opening up your mind and understanding how you fit into the whole scheme of things gives you perspective and the big picture. It can help to put right the distortion, if you like.

 
Old 12-17-2006, 06:18 AM   #7
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Re: Life is confussing

Mokie, I hope that this is the next issue that you and your counselor work on. I think that it is the key to your depression. You are putting a lot of pressure on your next future friend, that they need to like you and stay with you always. This puts a desperation on you that scares other people away. This keeps you where you are at. What happened that caused you to think that you are so worthless?

I was raised with ZERO social skills. Like I have posted before, I had the Narcissistic mother and our dysfunctional family revolved around her needs. I had sooooo much to overcome. I am still not 100% resocialized but I am always working on it (you and I are the same age!). My husband and I could never find couple friends that would work out very well (we have been married for 15 years). Now with my husband's new job of 3 years, we are finding couple friends. We went out last night, it was my birthday. They secretly brought a cake to the restaurant and sang happy birthday to me. I was so embarrassed to be the center of attention with these new friends, my discomfort was all over my face. When it was over, I moved on and was not embarrassed that I was embarrassed. This was a very big improvement for me (to not be embarrassed that I was embarrassed). Many things are still a challenge with socializing and I just think about it and push myself. I was even nervous before we met everyone at the restaurant - "will everyone like me?" With me, however, I might worry about it beforehand but if it turns out that they do not like me I don't get too upset over it. I never had a large group of friends whom I could relax with because I always had too many issues that kept me from this. Anyway, I hope you see that you are not alone and I hope you tackle this issue head on so that you can overcome it. See you around the boards!

 
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