im trying to pick my own peices up. im changing things alot. ive got treatemnt, started UNI, and got a job(lol-but i just quit-but they said i could have it back whenever i wanted). my next move is to move outta my house-im 18. they dont know of the problems ive ever had, i like it secret.
ive been looking about, planning and working it out with freinds lately. im just trying to decide if its good or bad for me. i think more independence is good, but i also dream of having my own bathroom to sit in for ours cutting, purging in the toilet. the freedom to not eat, or eat very little,to sleep when i want, to be awake when i want, to go out and drink when i want and have the added bonus that my doc(who they dont know about) is right around the corner to me-as is the counsellors. itll take some great control but i dont like that'being a child' sorta feeling all the time-i love doing things myself. what do you guys think-does this sound like a good or bad idea-they say solitude can be dangerous, but ill have freinds(which ill still hide it all from anyway). xox
There is that old saying change will do you good but moving out on your own is a major life event that comes with all sorts of stresses. There is alot of good things and bad things about living on your own. The major one is finances are you going to be ok, Another thing with depression and on your own it is really easy to hide and that leads down a dangerous path. Just give it a lot of thought and you will come up with the best solution for you.
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
i dont like that'being a child' sorta feeling all the time-i love doing things myself.
Pucca, my vote is bad idea. For you to get out so that you can cut and purge more, use food as a weapon to yourself, drink alcohol - bad idea. You really don't want your parents to take care of you do you?
Pucca, reading that was quite upsetting. the part that you want to have your own bath room to cut and be sick, was disturbing. I hope you don't get a chance to do that, as that would make you alot worse.
Right now i'd say it's probably a bad idea to move out. I was talking to my boyfriend about wanting to move out, and i asked him what he thought of the idea and in all honesty he said that he thinks i'm too unstable right now, and so shouldn't. It upset me at first but then i realised he was right. So i'm waiting untill i'm a bit more sorted in life
I hope you don't take offence to this, i just think you probably wouldn't beable to cope that well, and you're still young.
i can't believe you want to hide all this from everyone. don't you want help?? cutting and vomiting is not healthy. you know that. you need support, not solitude. its a tough world out there. you need all the help you can get.
hey guys thanks for replying. i see many of your points-i just soo badly want to curl up and fix this by myself-its past the point of not wanting to share this with people-i actually find it impossable to open up to people now-ive just done it for so long i just dont understand now.
sannah-nope, i really hate that feeling. i dont want to go backwards, im not 8 yrs old-im 18 yrs old.i just feel 1 cm tall when people try too help me. in fact-im open to my doc caring-but my parents-no way on this earth. i dont actually know why-its just how i feel.
Mokie-im interested. i know vomiting and cutting is not healthy-but yet i cant stop at times. i feel better with the more damage i do. i so badly want help, yet i cannot tell people its soo hard. i just want the doc to read my mind and fix it all.
zoe-i know its not normal to want a bathroom for this kinda stuff-but its the truth. i cannot tell people the truth like this-its too shocking, people see it as just telling it to broadcast it, as if im trying to be'different' or non-conforming or something. like im making a drama. i dont want that, i want this all to be quiet-but i cant help how i feel sometimes.
my freinds and i were house hunting-i think i might ask my doc. its just id feel so muich better if i was alone sometimes, less guilty and stuff.id also be able to get help alot easier as id live closer to everything and parents wouldnt be there as much. well??? xox
zoe-i know its not normal to want a bathroom for this kinda stuff-but its the truth. i cannot tell people the truth like this-its too shocking, people see it as just telling it to broadcast it, as if im trying to be'different' or non-conforming or something. like im making a drama. i dont want that, i want this all to be quiet-but i cant help how i feel sometimes xox
I didn't think you were trying to be non-conforming or being a drama queen atall,don't worry. All i'm trying to point out is that obvously self harming will make you feel worse in the long term as, self hate feeds depression alot. I know it would be hard to stop, but you can if you're strong.
i just soo badly want to curl up and fix this by myself-its past the point of not wanting to share this with people-i actually find it impossable to open up to people now-ive just done it for so long i just dont understand now.
Pucca chick, you have opened up to someone else - your doc - and you liked the feeling that you got from it. Remember, you want to be in her presence all of the time now. You can open that circle and open up to other trusted people (like your parents!). You mentioned guilt, maybe this is what is holding you back from allowing yourself to get close to your parents? Now what would be the worse thing that you think would happen if you allowed your parents to get close to you?
All those above are right you know. It's great at first, but loneliness and bad thoughts start to creep in. Make sure you keep up with human contact, even if you don't want too. Drink makes it much worse, I know!