I've been having some really strange, frustrating problems. First, I had been doing pretty well. The doctors changed my medicines and I was feeling okay...which was better than too depressed to function. Well, anyway, I've met a very special person, someone who loves me for who I am, and he's wonderful. I seriously feel like we could spend the rest of our lives together. But there is one problem. I have become deeply depressed with this new event. I have no idea why. He is wonderful and I love him, but I just lay awake all night either crying or just feeling down about it. This isn't the first time this has happened either. My last relationship ended whenever I kept crying and he ended up having to comfort me all of the time...which usually made me cry more.
Has anyone had these kinda backwards emotions? I mean, I feel like I should really be happy, but I'm so darned depressed and I'm afraid my emotions are going to mess up another relationship if I can't get them under control.
I am just speculating here. Could it be somewhere in your subconsince you don't think you deserve this or to be happy for that matter. I get confused when something good happens and I wait for everything to get messed up again because that is what I know.
Major Depressive Disorder With Psychotic Features
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Borderline Personality Disorder
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
I really don't know. See, I feel almost like I WANT it to go wrong. Like I want to stop talking to him and just abandone him and be left alone. Is it possible that I just like to be alone and that's just life? I mean, I feel like I want to sabotage it for some reason.
Also, something else I have noticed that makes this difficult. I have made all of these plans for my future and I never really planned to have a relationship in my future. It seems almost like all of my plans are going to be thrown out of place because of this. Like everything that I have planned is going to be changed drastically. I don't know. Maybe I just can't handle changes well? I'm going to talk to my counselor about it soon, but I'm just trying to get help in every way I can.
more speculation here as well... if you are the one to stop the talking and abandon him you avoid having him hurt you. And you're in control. I dunno.
Maybe it is the change thing. That kind of dovetails with being in control. I always preferred to be the one breaking up relationships...being in control, not getting (as) hurt by someone else.
Or is it about you finding your equilibrium, and now THIS comes along and throws it all off-balance? It's still related--it wasn't in your plans, which maybe goes back to what T was saying about worth and deservedness?
Or, here's what it is for me at the moment...it's enough with Christmas/holiday stress...NOTHING MORE right now!
Versailles, trg and mz***z gave some excellent possibilities. Could you be more depressed because you see this relationship as taking a risk which is scary - that you just don't feel up to it deep down? Is it safer just to stay alone and know what is coming? I can't remember if you ever gave any of us any more back-ground info about yourself?
I went through what you are 10 yrs ago. I had just gotten married and should have been really happy. I suddenly had every thing I wanted....good job, lovely husband, freedom from alcoholic abusive father and passive aggressive mother etc, but I found I was bursting into tears all the time. It really helped when I had counselling that time, because I realised that I just wasn't used to having nothing to worry about, and was scared that it would all disappear just as quickly as the good times came. It did get better when I realised my unconscious insecurities were just that. I had been fine until an episode of 18months continuous bullying I experience at work has triggered it again. Don't to anything bad, because speaking from experience it does get better. (I keep telling myself this now, as I'm back in the pits again,)
Here's a little background on me. I am 20 year old female. Had two previous relationships, one lasting two years (mildly abusive). The second was great, but I ended up ruining it. I am a college student (not stressful, doing well). I also work from home.
Health: diagnosis confirmed of Hypothyroidism (treated with 75 mg. Levothyroxine), Clinical depression (treated with 150 mg. Effexor and 200 mg. Lamictal), ADHD (treated with 30 mg. Adderall). I also have some physical problems, but don't feel like going into that.
I happily live with my parents still. I do go out and visit with friends when I can, but I tend to spend a lot of time at home. Unfortunately, with this new stress, I've been sleeping over 10 hours a night, and usually don't want to get up.
I'm just not sure where to go with this. I'm really wanting to just break off the relationship, but I'm afraid if I do, I'll never get over this. I don't know.
I really do appreciate all of the replies, it's nice to have a support group on here!