I'm there with you.
My life for the past ten or eleven years has been a series of poor choices, all hell bent on destroying anything that I am or could be.
I have no friends, I've lost one of my children, due to trust. I've lost a lifetime of possesions, my faith in humanity, faith in friendship and worst of all faith in my ability to recover some sort of productive life.
For so long I have been trying to end myself that I'd forgotten all of the good that life has to offer (it must exist, if so many people want to cling to it so desperately)
Having tried and failed for the past year to help myself out of this hole, I am so descouraged that I've just about decided that I have no more to offer anyone than the crack ***** on the corner.
Logic says that that thinking is wrong, but it all that I see before me, and the only worth that I have been shown in the past to have.
Chin up Jimmy - White hair happens.
I also never envisiond myself ending up this way, Foolishly I thought that if your good person, good will come back to you. It was not that way for me.
No matter how hard I tried to help others out of bad situations or remove myself from a situation going bad, Good has yet to come.
Life is like that.
I've been going through the motions every day just hoping that the next one will be better.
Keep trying Jimmy.
Have you contacted a counselor?