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Old 12-29-2006, 06:16 PM   #1
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sisterdisco HB User
I need some help.

I always feel bad this time of year especially. Christmas came and went, the saddest day of the year and I just had my 18th birthday yesterday. 18, only a few more years until I am too old for anyone to care. Another new year is about to pass and I don't have a boyfriend this year either. My mom tells me that I will someday but I'm 18, if I don't have a boyfriend now, I never will. On my birthday, two friends called me up to go out. I don't know, I wanted to do something to make me feel special. They brought up their boyfriends and parties I was invited to and went to a restaurante that didn't have any vegitarian options (so I couldn't eat). I just can stop crying and I have a paper due so I really need to stop crying. Any advice?

 
Old 12-29-2006, 09:13 PM   #2
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firenice HB User
Re: I need some help.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sisterdisco
I always feel bad this time of year especially. Christmas came and went, the saddest day of the year and I just had my 18th birthday yesterday. 18, only a few more years until I am too old for anyone to care. Another new year is about to pass and I don't have a boyfriend this year either. My mom tells me that I will someday but I'm 18, if I don't have a boyfriend now, I never will. On my birthday, two friends called me up to go out. I don't know, I wanted to do something to make me feel special. They brought up their boyfriends and parties I was invited to and went to a restaurante that didn't have any vegitarian options (so I couldn't eat). I just can stop crying and I have a paper due so I really need to stop crying. Any advice?
I am a big believer in Cognitive Behavior or Rational Emotive Therapy. Do some internet searching on the topic and read up on it. If nothing else, it will give you something to read; but, you might find some useful information in there. It doesn't cost anything to read about it. I did notice several statements that Cognitive Therapy would point out. You state that you "always" feel bad. That's probably a gross over generalization. But, if you say that you "always" feel bad, then chances are you will. Try to rephrase it to something like "I feel bad a lot." A lot is very different than always. You say you'll never have a boyfriend. Like the word always, "never" is too big, too absolulte; and besides, you have no evidence to suggest that you won't ever, ever, ever (ie never) have a boyfriend at some time in the future. By using "always" and "never" you are implanting suggestions into your mind that would make anyone depressed. Also, keep in mind that it's normal to be depressed now and then. But, if you get depressed about being depressed, then you compound the feeling, it magnifies and becomes stronger. It's ok to cry. But, if you get mad at yourself for crying, you compound the problem. Give yourself some freedom to feel bad but don't assume that you will always feel bad or never get better. Don't wish for a happy new year. Settle for a comfortable one.

 
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Old 12-30-2006, 05:23 AM   #3
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Therag HB User
Re: I need some help.

At 18 you are still young, I remember when I turned 18, I used to see 20 as scary, the end of teenage years, but now at 25 I still feel young. You are enjoying time with your friends and that's more important than finding a boyfriend, that'll all fall in place one day when you least expect it. I'm still waiting for that to happen, but I'm not going to force myself to look for a girlfriend because right now I'm happy doing my own thing.

 
Old 12-30-2006, 03:42 PM   #4
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: I need some help.

SisterDisco, I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 28 and he became my husband. He IS the most wonderful husband in the world. Please do not be upset about not having a boyfriend and PLEASE never settle for just anyone for a boyfriend! I was a late bloomer and maybe you are too. Just work hard to get to where you want to be and never give up.

 
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