feeling crappy and alone.
I don't know. Tonight I'm feeling really crappy. I want to do something but I dont know what to do. I'm lost and confused and lonely. I sit here reading through all the posts people make and I feel stupid for feeling like this.
I'm 24 years old. I have no job, I can't get a job, no one will hire me. I have severe asthma and I am very overweight. I have not had a bad past, aside from the favouritism my parents express towards my sister, and even my brother has expressed that he notices it. Never been raped, never been molested. Parents are still together and getting along.
I just dont know what is wrong with me.. I have almost no friends, even online I have no friends. I hate being alone, it drives me crazy. It's always at nighttime when I feel like this, so sad, so alone and so completely worthless. I wish I could just cry myself into a sleepy stupor and just pass out and never wake up again. When I get like this, I feel like nothing will make me happy. I have no health insurance and the one morning I freaked out so badly I called the counseling center. They put me on 10mg Lexapro pills, and I go back next week, but nothing really happened. Aside from a side effect that I previously mentioned on here out of curiousity, I'm not feeling any happier or any lighter and my moods still seem severe. I feel so completely hopeless.. My parents are screaming at me to get a job, my mother expresses to me how she's afraid I'm never going to make it anywhere. When I try to tell her how awful I feel, she blows it off like it's nothing.. I have two friends, one is engaged and completely enthralled with her boyfriend and the other is completely enthralled with herself. It's like no one sees me, I'm here and screaming and crying and wanting help and no one wants to deal with me.. Who can blame them.. I just don't know what to do, nothing is helping, nothing is making me feel better and I feel like I'm going to feel like this forever.
I don't even know what I'm asking for on here.. I don't even know why I'm writing this.. I'm just sitting here crying and typing and hating myself... I just need .. something.. x.x