I have been seeing my current therapist since the summer and I really do like her. I left my previous therapist, as I was getting nowhere and felt like I was in charge of the sessions. My wheels were spinning, but I was remaining in one place. My current therapist is getting to the heart of things and really knows how to "hit the right nerves".
However, as of late, I have gotten the sense that she is truly "there" for me during my 50 minute session. Then, it feels like "session is over....punch out and go home". She said I can call her if needed....but I so much dislike talking on the phone (especially cell phones with bad reception!). She said that she would retrieve my records from the previous therapist. I signed the release and assumed she would move ahead with it. She later decided that she didn't need the records. Additionally, my gyn has prescribed Wellbutrin for me (my gyn knows me much more than my new PCP, and that is why she was the one to prescribe the med. My PCP is very much ok w/it)......my therapist told me she wanted to be "kept in the loop" with my doctors and any med changes. Ok...so I told both doctors this and mentioned that my therapist may be calling to "touch base". She never called either doctor.
Maybe my feelings are hurt thinking that my therapist really doesn't care about me beyond my 50 minute session? My mind reads into things and THAT is what gets me into an emotional mess!! Part of me says that I need to address this at my session next week. The other part of me says to let it go and move on to other material in my session.
I know that the client/therapist relationship is crutial to a good outcome. Has anyone else ever questioned whether their therapist's attention was "genuine" as compared to "I am client number 21"????
Roz, I am so glad that you have found a good therapist who is moving you in the right direction. I think that if an issue is bothering you that you should bring it up with the therapist. Any issue might have more significance than you think that it does. If it is on your mind a lot I'm sure that it is important. The meaning of this issue could have greater meaning like something about your feelings about how you have been taken care of in the past by others, your self-worth, what you want out of relationships, etc. The conversation with your therapist could be very productive. Don't accuse her of anything, however, and put her on the defensive, just tell her how you feel.
Thanks, Sannah...I think you are right. I guess it all comes down to hoping that someone really cares about me. Could be "stuff" from my childhood...or even now? I would just like to know that my therapist does genuinely care about me, and not just because she is "paid to". I will think about this and hope I have the courage to bring it up at my next appointment!
I guess it all comes down to hoping that someone really cares about me. Could be "stuff" from my childhood...or even now?
I'll bet it is a feeling that you have brought with you from childhood. Of course it is a therapists "job" to help you but I think that most of them really care about their clients. Most of them get into the field because they are drawn to helping people and they really enjoy it. I wish you luck in getting to the bottom of this!
I thught you may like to hear form the 'other side of the couch' so to speak. She may have realised that she won't actually need previous notes (particularly when the client is able to give a thorough history themselves) and many therapists have missed contacting docotrs either due to them or therapist having a crisis or not being available when the therapist call. (you would not believe how often this happens) also messages to doctors are ofte not returned. Believe me if that crisis were you they would make sure they get in contact.
so there are many good reasons for what has happened.. If you feel able to discuss these feelings with your therapist then it can be really insightful... good therapists will welcome the discussion. she sounds like a good therapist.
also at the end of the hour your time is up and the therapist needs to prepare mentally for the next client. I liken it to when you go to work. you know that you have to get out the door in order to get there on time so you go.... just because you don't delay your plans doesn't mean you don't care about the people you say goodbye to.
Then when you get to work you are concentrating on the job, you don't need to be thinking about the people you love for all day or you would be ineffective at work. The same for therapists. Most care a lot. Clients get an hour of undivided attention. Then it is time for the next person to recieve the same.
be brave and raise it with her it could really help you make some changes.
the hard , but rewarding therapy of growth can happen if you look at where this is coming from and what you actually belive is happening.
Wow, lollylegs......that was a very insightful post. Thank you so much! Yes, I do have a fantastic therapist. She is so good at figuring me out (she can tell instantly when I have 'left the session' or my mind has wandered!). Part of me says that "yes", I do need to bring my thoughts to her attention at my next appointment. The other part of me says just to "let it go". I don't want to hurt her feelings by mentioning the irrational thoughts I was having (yes, irrational thoughts control my life!). What to do.....
Maybe my feelings hurt thinking my therapist doesn't care about me beyond my session? My mind reads into things and THAT is what gets me into an emotional mess!! Has anyone else ever questioned whether their therapist's attention was genuine?
I began seeing my therapist in June 2006, and I feel good about him. I trust him. He is the only person I'm really open with. I've come a long way in my recovery, but sometimes have setbacks.
Lately I've been wondering if my therapist cares. I don't know why I care what he does or doesn't think about me. I should be greatful there is somebody to listen and offer suggestions when I am down.
He seems caring and concerned, so I don't know where I get these thoughts. I guess my mind reads into things that get me messed up too. My feelings hurt when I think he doesn't care. If he doesn't care, nobody does.
I'm trying to get well, but sometimes feel that it's taking too long. Although he never indicated this, I sometimes feel he might be getting tired of working with me. Please tell me someone cares.
I'm starting to feel as though my therapist is getting frustrated with me. Sometimes, I just don't know how to respond to questions and when I do, I'm always afraid of "giving the wrong answer". Irrational thinking.....I know. I just want to know that the people in charge of my healthcare really do have a genuine interest in me, just as I do for each and every one of my students. I often wonder that if we were on the "honor system" with our therapists and paid them only when we could.....would they really, really care about us? Or, are we paying them to care? Again...irrational thoughts do control my life, I suppose.
I'm starting to feel as though my therapist is getting frustrated with me. Sometimes, I just don't know how to respond to questions and when I do, I'm always afraid of "giving the wrong answer".
Roz, the only correct answer is the truth. Therapy isn't a test or a game. It is a quest for what is really going on with you so that it can be "fixed". Everyone has their own "story" in their head which is causing them distress. The therapist needs to know what ideas that you have in your head which are causing you distress. If your therapist is really getting frustrated maybe this is why?
Maria, maybe you are feeling that no one in your life cares so you are transferring this feeling/belief to your therapist?
I so much understand this, Sannah. I'm sure it is a spinoff of my past, always wanting to be the perfect child and please my parents. I grew up in a strict Italian family...not a great deal of emotion or outward expression of love. I don't want to disappoint my therapist (thus, fear of giving the wrong answers to her questions). I am aware of this huge fault and yes, we have discussed it in session. No matter how often she explains it to me.....my thought patterns are stuck. THIS is what I desperately need to learn....how to change my thinking and how to develop "coping skills".
Roz, so you are a pleaser. I figured out something once about why I kept doing something. I kept doing something that wasn't in my best interest because if I didn't do it my mom wouldn't love me anymore. Once I figured out there really wasn't a connection anymore I was able to stop doing it. So, therefore, you might have to be a pleaser because if you don't do it you won't be loved anymore?
I think you hit it....though, I never thought about it that way. And you know, I believe that those thoughts apply only to people I highly respect and want to keep in my life. Does that make sense?
Roz, you and I sound alike. It is good to know there is somebody else out there like me. I'm a people pleaser with abandonment issues. My mind always doubts others' sincerity. Why would anybody want to be nice to me, unless they had to (therapist).
Savannah, I think I am projecting my expectations of feeling unworthy onto my relationship with my therapist. Deep down I know he probably does care. I'm afraid if I tell him. He may think if I doubt his sincerity I should see a different therapist. What do you think?
In my mind if you uncomfortable with therapist, feel scared to share or he/she just telling you "wrong answer" without explaining what he/she wants you better take your business elsewhere.
I had 2 unsuccessful tries and I am thinking to try again but it is almost impossible to find time now. I am pretty sure about not staying with one I feel uncomfortable with. Nice at first and than change when you become regular is also possible.
I understand what everyone is talking about here and Galinaqt, I think that your case was different than the two cases here. You were getting abused by your therapists and these two are not getting abused.
Galinqt, I really feel comfortable with my therapist, I just wish I knew what he thought of me. I don't want him thinking, "Oh no, I've got MariaBB next! What a waste of time. Here she comes, better put on my nice face." I guess I'm so used to rejection and abandonment, so I expect him to be the same way. He never acts condescending, but I could use some validation.