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Old 01-02-2007, 07:52 AM   #1
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Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

I went to about four therapists over the course of 10 years (on and off as issues came up) for the treatment of anxiety. The first therapist told me that I didn't have good BOUNDARIES and that I had a FEAR OF INTIMACY (I only saw her 5 times). This was such a profound discovery for me and this gave me something to work on for a few years. After this few years my anxiety increased again because I was in my first serious relationship and I was coming up against some deeper fear of intimacy issues. I went to a different therapist and she helped me work on seeing myself as a valuable person (I think that I saw her once). This then gave me something to work on for a few more years. When I was working on my Masters a few years later my anxiety increased again because of the subject matter that I was studying. I went to a few therapists who did not help at all (just a few visits) and then I found an excellent therapist (psychology professor) who worked me through the last of the roots of my anxiety (really understanding how I wasn't meeting my own needs, really accepting who I was and feeling totally comfortable with myself and others.) I saw him for less than ten visits. After seeing him some issues still come up but I am at a place where I can work them out myself.

Bloodyhell, please ask any questions that you need and feel free to share more about your experiences.

 
Old 01-02-2007, 08:20 AM   #2
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

It sounds to me as if the therapist is merely a catalyst for you to find a conclusion to your trouble. I don't know. I haven't seen one for more than six visits, and I seem to have encountered the odd bad apple. But after all, they are only human, with the same weaknesses. I suppose I should track one down again. Sometimes the "psychobabble" is annoying to me.
I am in a real holding pattern now. I seem to be holding on to the same old ghosts, for so long now as to become habit. I'm getting old, my body is physically ailing, and I'm just looking back over the lost years with regret.
And I am horribly lonely. I have mastered the invisible life, entirely perfected and justified my aloneness for so long that I wonder if I can be with anyone.
The chicken or egg analogy--is depression an outcome of loneliness or vice versa?
A Naturopathic doc once asked me what I do for "fun". (She is young and hasn't lost the capacity for "fun".) To my dismay, I couldn't think of a single response. Having "fun" usually requires that you are with someone, or in a group that shares the requirement. That innocent question still grates, because years after it was posed, I have made little progress on solving the dilemma.

 
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Old 01-02-2007, 08:30 AM   #3
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

Bloodyhell, you have to start where you are at. Choose your most pressing issue right now.

 
Old 01-02-2007, 08:39 AM   #4
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

Thanks for you kindness and attention Sannah. It means a great deal to me.

 
Old 01-02-2007, 09:00 AM   #5
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

bloodyhell,

You sound so much like me, I almost could have written your post myself. I have wasted so many years that I could have, should have, been working to find some anwsers to my problems. It all seemed so overwhelming at times that I just gave up trying. Now I'm trying to figure out how to get out of this "holding pattern", as you called it. It is difficult! But I still have hope that things will get better if we just keep working at it. I wish you the best.

 
Old 01-02-2007, 01:47 PM   #6
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

I am married with 3 wonderful children.....yet, I feel "lonely in a crowd". I was asked by my gynecologist (who has been helping me through my post-hysterectomy issues)....what do I do for fun?? Just like many of you, I did not have an answer!!! I have no hobbies; I have no interests; I don't even have God in my life. I am trying to work on the latter.....trying to find God again. Moral of the story.....I have people in my life, yet I still feel "alone". We will get through this...won't we?
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Old 01-02-2007, 08:30 PM   #7
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

hi roz,

we all have unique gifts, talents, interests, and abilities, it's just that this depression kind of puts a damper on everything and we don't even get to see anything around us anymore after a while....

i'm sure you have something that you are able to do for 'fun.' i'm positive. just need to think about it. no matter how young or old we are, fun is there for all of us.

also, i understand very well your feeling of being alone in a crowd.... i've learned a long time ago not to rely solely on people, since people have their own issues; people err, make mistakes, misunderstand, etc... it's good that you're trying to turn your attention towards something bigger. faith brings hope into our hearts...and hope brings love...and it's pretty much a circle. i wish you success in finding your way on the path!

god bless!

 
Old 01-03-2007, 05:06 AM   #8
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

Roz, do you think that you might have lost yourself taking care of your family? When a mom gets busy taking care of others she has to remember to not lose herself. What sorts of things have you been interested in previously?

Oceandreams and Bloodyhell - I know that sharing here sometimes feels too revealing but it is a first step to understanding yourselves. Can you please try?

 
Old 01-03-2007, 04:44 PM   #9
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

Sannah,
yes, I probably have lost myself taking care of my family (though, my husband is a wonderful help). I cannot think of anything that would make me happy. No hobbies...na-da. I like to be alone a lot; yet when I am alone, I sink into depression. Catch 22.
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Old 01-04-2007, 04:44 AM   #10
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

Roz, so are you going to start doing things for yourself now?

 
Old 01-04-2007, 08:10 AM   #11
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

Although I am happily married, with children, I was never totally happy.
I have spent the last 12 years or so, complaining and being angry with an X, for having 'wasted' the 12 years prior to this. I was on another board, a year or so and something just clicked.

It never occured to me that *I* was (also) to blame for staying in the terrible relationship that I hated so much. I CHOSE to stay for the length of time I did. From then on, the anger I was having for X disappeared.
I accepted that 'my past' is PART OF ME, something to work with, work through, recover from and move on from. It felt so good to embrace it from a different perspective.
(It is still work in progress for my other issues), but I know I will get there. I hope you all do too. As regards religion - I also chose to shut that door. That is also my choice.

 
Old 01-04-2007, 10:04 AM   #12
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

Quote:
Originally Posted by isitme
It never occured to me that *I* was (also) to blame for staying in the terrible relationship that I hated so much. I CHOSE to stay for the length of time I did. From then on, the anger I was having for X disappeared.
Hi isitme, yes, realizing that you are not a victim and that you are in certain situations because of choices that you made or decided not to make, is very liberating! It's called empowerment!

 
Old 01-05-2007, 04:41 AM   #13
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

oceandreams, I am not without hope, that's what helps us carry on. And looking back at my life with an analytical eye is not entirely without merit. I am hopeful that when I am ready to move on, then I will do so. It's cheaper than paying a therapist. Surely we get tired of introspection sooner or later.
I was married for 23 years. I usually say that I was married for 123 years. It was a bad match from the get go, but I stayed in it because of the child. Typical situation of me giving up a career to stay at home, and getting left behind in the dust. Was it a choice? Yes, I chose not to raise my child in poverty, and to grow old and poor and having to rely on whatever I could scrape together. I am only now ridding myself of my anger to him. What's the point in grinding my axe? Now, I am free, yet poor. Poverty is the great compromise of one's convictions. It dramatically reduces one's choices. I was loneliest when I was married. Stuck at home with a child, it was nearly impossible to pursue my own desires. My mental health wasn't the best. When I had a little time to myself, I wanted to sit in the dark and enjoy the silence. I don't see myself as a victim or a martyr or some tragic heroine. It simply is a fact that our choices are limited in many ways. I accept that as truth. I think the rhetoric spouted by those who claim we can be and do whatever we want if only we work hard and persevere is nothing more then silly rhetoric, and a constant reminder to those who believe it that they are somehow a failure.
I am interested in literature, visual arts, environmental issues and politics. Some of these things seem insignificant in light of the urgency of our global desparate need for change.
I go for long hikes every day, and the beauty and marvelous harmony of my environment leaves me feeling insignificant in the scheme of things.
The Internet has been my convenient substitute for human contact, and I see nothing weird about that. You run with what works for you.

 
Old 01-05-2007, 06:27 AM   #14
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Re: Bloodyhell - here is the thread that you requested

Quote:
Originally Posted by bloodyhell
Surely we get tired of introspection sooner or later..

Poverty is the great compromise of one's convictions. It dramatically reduces one's choices.

I am interested in literature, visual arts, environmental issues and politics. Some of these things seem insignificant in light of the urgency of our global desparate need for change.

I go for long hikes every day, and the beauty and marvelous harmony of my environment leaves me feeling insignificant in the scheme of things.
Bloodyhell, your post was a very deep and thouhtful post! As for introspection, I don't feel that I will ever get tired of doing it. I am still analyzing myself and making improvements and it is enriching my life beyond what I ever could have imagined. Actually, this forum is the catalyst for my continued introspection because I get to come to a meeting of the minds with so many diverse people and topics. It is really wonderful.

Poverty, I grew up poor. Hated it. I made a plan out of high school to get a 2 year degree which would pay well (medical field). I needed to do it on the cheap (I lived at home and worked my way through school). I wasn't going to be poor anymore and I was going to do whatever I could to escape it. My two sisters, however, are doing okay, but they never had "a plan". They were older than me and never went to college. I wasn't going to go to college either because I thought that college was for "other" people, you know, richer, those from better families. I had a boss, however, who said one sentence to me that changed my life. I was due to graduate from high school in a few months and he said "so you are going to college"? I said "no". He said "you have to go to college". After he said this to me I thought "He said that I COULD go to college". He made me change my thinking about if I COULD go to college. From that point on I started making plans to go to college. My husband is a whole different story. He grew up in EXTREME poverty and now he is a university professor who is well known in his field of research. Now you might see how I believe that anyone can do anything. (I did continue on with my education also beyond my Associates Degree).

Your interests are fascinating. Do you live near a college or university?

You love nature. I always did too. I have always loved to be outside, hiking, camping, gardening, you name it. I think that nature can refresh and renew a person. It is very inspiring. I am surprised by your response that it makes you feel insignificant. When I am in nature I feel a part of it. You sound as if you don't feel connected to it?

Please keep posting. I loved reading your thoughts.

Last edited by Sannah; 01-05-2007 at 06:30 AM.

 
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