So confused...could use a little outside insight
Hello. This board seemed active and inviting, so I figured I'd try this out. I've recently started counseling sessions, mostly for anxiety related issues. I have suspected depression for many years, and my therapist has confirmed as much (with anxiety being one of my symptoms).
However, for the most part these days I am quite content in my life. I decided to start counseling b/c I'm tired of some of the things I do and think (low self-esteem, anxiety, some social fears). I have a wonderful relationship, amd generally quite content and happy.
However, when additional stress is placed on me I over-react. I can't handle it too well. I realize that since I have had past issues with more severe forms of depression, that my body has probably adjusted itself to a lower level of functioning...therefore additional stressors are like flooding the riverbank and I get very upset.
Does that make sense? I find myself confused I guess. Probably b/c things are being brought up in counseling that I didn't realize still hurt me, even if I am able to get by day to day. I am having trouble explaining myself. I guess what I'm asking is, is it possible to be able to experience happiness, be content and joyful in many areas of my life, but still be some form of depressed?
My symptoms for depression have been present for years. They've just varied in intensity at different times. Currently I have issues with anxiety, lack of motivation in many areas of my life, I still binge eat from time to time as a form of self-medication, occasionally I have trouble staying asleep or wanting to just stay in bed, poor self esteem, and some social anxieties.
My therapist wants me to try antidepressents in conjunction with therapy, but I'd rather not out of personal choice (mainly due to the potential side effects).
I don't know what I'm looking for here, maybe just a kindred spirit. Mostly I feel conflicted about my depression...the fact that I'm able to be happy but with the undercurrent of depression always there waiting to raise its head.