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Old 02-26-2007, 05:08 AM   #1
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jarvis01liza01 HB User
need to help my dad and don't know how

Please can someone offer me some advice.
My dad drinks....not just a bit alot some days he can go without others he gets off his face. He had my boys overnight on Friday as I'd just come out of hospital and was on crutches..my husband starts work at 4am and I really needed the help....I think i was being a little nieve and hoped he wouldn't drink whilst looking after them...but I was wrong I called him after 3/4 hour and he was steaming so I sent my husband to pick them up and bring them home. I was very angry as I don't ask for his help very often.
I called him the next day to express my feelings and he started crying. My Grandma died last year so its been a difficult time for him. He was last in a mental hospital 15 years ago after going back to the place he was born and trying to commit suicide. Since a small amount of investigating, and an admission from him that there is a huge unlying problem, I have found out that something really big happened during his childhood that he hasn't spoken to anyone about it. He's a very very closed person and I'm sure I don't know half of the true person he is.
I don't know where to start......this thing thats happened is obviously playing on his mind all the time which could be the cause of his drink but don't know what to do.
Do I try and tackle it myself. do I go with him to AA and try and get them to get to the bottom of it? Don't want to go to Doc's incase they section him?
Any advice freely welcomed.

 
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Old 02-26-2007, 05:24 AM   #2
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Sannah HB UserSannah HB User
Re: need to help my dad and don't know how

Jarvis, when you got angry with him it made him cry. Be tough with him, he has to get help. You cannot help him on your own. He needs to deal with whatever happened to him in counseling but you can help get him there possibly. My dad was smoking himself to death. He has emphysema and wears oxygen and he was still smoking. He came to visit me several years ago (we live about 8 hours apart) and he had to be hospitalized while he was visiting. He actually had to go to the emergency room. I was angry with him and I didn't hide it. He was doing this to himself. He quit smoking after that. It's like he thought that he was only affecting himself. Let your dad know very strongly that he is affecting others.

Last edited by Sannah; 02-26-2007 at 05:25 AM.

 
Old 02-26-2007, 06:05 AM   #3
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: New York
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Dakota_Skye HB User
Re: need to help my dad and don't know how

hi,

i agree with sannah. if this is the first time you're thinking of trying to help him, do it. don't stop after the first time. do it often, and as you know your dad better, try every way of tackling the problem (i.e., try being nice and kind a few times; if that doesn't work, then try the hard approach--but don't give up). obviously, your dad needs more help than ever right about now. and like sannah said, he won't do it by himself, but he might do it if you get him to a place, or if you arrange for a counselor for him.

my sister and i have tried to get our mother to recognize some issues that she's been having, and that have impacted the rest of the family for at least 6-7 years (not drinking, or drugs, or anything similar, but nevertheless, something that was and still is destroying her own life), and we've tried all kinds of approaches. she just couldn't be moved. wouldn't listen. however, you dad may be more open, more vulnerable right not, and he may really need and want the help, but not know how to go about getting it.

the fact he's taking to drinking more because of his wife's death a year ago complicates matters further--you know he's still grieving. he really NEEDS help!!!!! you're a wonderful daughter for looking out for you dad, and for asking for advice. maybe you and your husband can form an ally of sorts, and together get him the help he deserves. since you're on crutches and all, i believe you can do some or most of this through the phone.

see, people turn to drinking, doing drugs, gambling, etc. because of deep underlying problems (like you've mentioned)--it's the easiest way to numb oneself. i really don't blame them. some people don't know any better. that's why those who do (know better, that is), may have it it in their hearts to steer them in the right direction.

i wish you all the luck and many blessings!!!
__________________
Be kinder than necessary,
Because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle...

 
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