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Old 03-02-2007, 06:21 AM   #1
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Depressed and need some advice

Hello everybody. I think I have gone into a state of depression and I need to know how to get out it. I have been so down and out of it lately. I think its' because of a guy I dated him a long time ago and things were horrible, he cheated, lied, played mind games, used me, you name it , he did it. Well things settled down alot over the last few months, he's dating someone else, i was dating someone else, so being friends was working for both of us. It was nice to have him as my friend again since that is what we were in the beginning. Well now I don't know what the problem is, I think my feelings have came back and I am an emotional wreck. He's all I think about. He's off with his girlfriend this week and I am sick to my stomach about it. I am so depressed again like I was when we were dating. I don't know what to do. Can anyone offer some insight

 
Old 03-02-2007, 07:10 AM   #2
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

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Originally Posted by skittley80 View Post
I dated him a long time ago and things were horrible, he cheated, lied, played mind games, used me, you name it , he did it. (
Skittley, this guy sounds toxic. Toxic people will make you sick. You need to have healthy, life-affirming people around you. You make your environment - you are in control.

 
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Old 03-02-2007, 07:21 AM   #3
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

I know he was toxic, he seemed to have changed from what he was when we dated. He hasn't done anything bad to me since we have become friends. Do you mean he could still be this same bad person, just hiding it? I have tried to kick him out of my life, but after a day or two I end up feeling worse and i talk to him again.

 
Old 03-02-2007, 07:33 AM   #4
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

Skittley, how could he have changed? Of course he is the same person. Anyone who spent one minute doing this kind of stuff to me would have a boot in his back side all the way to the curb. Are you a bit addicted to him? Remember, we cannot live life in a vacuum. If you remove something from your life you have to replace it with something else. Hopefully, you will replace it with something better. It's like if you want to get rid of a bad habit, replacing it with a good habit will bring more success.

Last edited by Sannah; 03-02-2007 at 07:34 AM.

 
Old 03-02-2007, 07:40 AM   #5
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

Sannah, you are absolutely right.. I am addicted to him. I do need to replace him but with what? I know he needs to not be in my life because in all honestly i'm not his real friend. I wish for Karma to get him... I wish for him to not be happy because he made me not happy for a long time. Man, I guess I need to figure out what to replace him with

 
Old 03-02-2007, 07:49 AM   #6
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

Skittley, replace him with nice friends! Do you think that you deserve nice friends? Sounds like you want some revenge on him? Remember, he is responsible for his behavior but you did make the choice to put up with him.

 
Old 03-02-2007, 08:05 AM   #7
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

I know I deserve nice friends, except I don't make friends easily. I have the disfortune of being one of those shy people. I think that is why I fell so hard to for him and why I still yearn for him to be in my life. He makes me feel alive. He is so outgoing and crazy and when I'm with him I feel like that too. My personality sucks and I have about zero social skills, so making friends is not easy. I know that social skills are a learned behavior which is why I want to go to counceling to overcome all of this. I hate that most about myself. I hate that I'm shy. I hate that I found one person to make me feel alive and not shy and he's not good for me. Life sucks lol

 
Old 03-02-2007, 10:11 AM   #8
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

Skittley, I had to learn social skills too, it can be done! So I guess you liked this guy because he "completed" your personality? I am sure that your personality does not suck!

 
Old 03-02-2007, 11:49 AM   #9
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

Honestly, I do not know why I still like him. But I know I am so messed up over him it's not even funny. I wish I could push him away and not feel this emptyness. So Sannah, how did you learn your social skills? Through counceling?

 
Old 03-02-2007, 11:56 AM   #10
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

Counseling helped me with boundaries, self-worth, meeting my own needs. I learned social skills by watching others and reading and practicing.

 
Old 03-02-2007, 09:21 PM   #11
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by skittley80 View Post
he's dating someone else, i was dating someone else, so being friends was working for both of us. It was nice to have him as my friend again since that is what we were in the beginning. Well now I don't know what the problem is, I think my feelings have came back and I am an emotional wreck. He's all I think about. He's off with his girlfriend this week and I am sick to my stomach about it. I am so depressed again like I was when we were dating. I don't know what to do. Can anyone offer some insight
hi skittley,

i was in your shoes at one point in time. the fact that your ex is still dating, and you're not (you said you were, but not anymore), may make you feel lonely now. when we're lonely and alone, we think about the past, and even though things weren't good (he wasn't good), we kind of tend to "forget" those moments, or at least minimize the intensity of the feelings behind them. and yes, just like you, i had become friends with my ex. (we were also friends before we became "more"). after we broke up, he was dating different women; i tried to, and managed to date another guy. however, i wasn't completely satisfied with this other man,--or so i believe, because whenever i felt unahppy, i thought of my ex. i used to think about how it used to be with him (even though it wasn't good--our personalities were not compatible at all; we didn't get along in the small, day-to-day stuff that really matters), but i missed him like crazy, nevertheless. i also downplayed the bad parts of the past. i tended to remember the good times most of all, and how he made me feel when things were really good between us. i envied the women he used to date, when i dated someone that i was not 100% into. although he told me (after we became friends again) that he was not serious about any of the women he had dated so far, i still felt bad, and i wished for us to get back together so much, and for so long. we kept talking as friends...he even told me to keep dating others, and said he'll always be there for me as a friend. i used to cry myself to sleep sometimes, that's how irrational i was in my desire for this man--whom i knew was not good for me....yet, i continued wanting him there. anyway, to make a very long story short, with time, and with him dating and dating and dating, and then with me finding someone else (but especially because HE encouraged me to do so, and to let go), i finally started to let go. yes, i was obsessed with him, and i know it. all the more so, because he had helped me a lot during the last year of our relationship, even though we had the worst times together that year....

with time you'll understand that you cannot make someone love you when they won't (just like the song says), or they can't. i realized i wasted my energy on something that didn't exist, something that was only in my own head/mind--just because i felt lonely (though not alone). and i realized that i was sabotaging what i had in front of me, the man i was with--the giving, caring, supportive, and understanding guy next to me. also, i didn't want someone to do that to me...i thought that what i was doing to the person i was with, was not nice in the least. i would not have liked it if he had done that to me (be with me, yet think of a past girlfriend). it took me a couple of years to get over that man. the only way to go is forward, skittley! you want someone who wants to be with you. you don't want to run after someone who's running after others.

just wanted to share my story with you, because i thought i could relate to it. and, to let you know that you can get over this, and win over these emotions.

i wish you much luck and lots of strength!
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Old 03-05-2007, 07:33 AM   #12
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

Hi Dakota Skye.. Thanks so much for your reply.. Can I ask a question though. Did you continue to be friends with your ex?

 
Old 03-05-2007, 08:28 PM   #13
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

hi skittley,

no, i didn't. it could not have been! for my own sanity, i had to let go completely!

i wish you luck! you'll find another man, someone who wants you, and whom you want. i don't think we're meant to be with only one person in this whole lifetime. if it didn't work out, it wasn't meant to be--that's what i always told myself.

you'll be fine! it just takes some time, and an open heart.
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Old 03-06-2007, 05:08 AM   #14
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

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hi skittley,

no, i didn't. it could not have been! for my own sanity, i had to let go completely!

i wish you luck! you'll find another man, someone who wants you, and whom you want. i don't think we're meant to be with only one person in this whole lifetime. if it didn't work out, it wasn't meant to be--that's what i always told myself.

you'll be fine! it just takes some time, and an open heart.
Thanks Dakota Skye. I was battling with whether or not to continue friendship with him.. I know deep down it can't be, but it's hard to let you. You are right though. Thanks so much for your story. It helped me alot. Best of luck to you as well

 
Old 03-10-2007, 10:42 AM   #15
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Re: Depressed and need some advice

Hi, I went through a relationship almost the same way and it did alot of damage.I just have a question for you.I don't know if you have any children but If you had a daughter would you approve her being with a guy like this?

 
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