I don't know where to go so I am turning to the internet. I have been seeing a counselor for the past.... 6 weeks or so. I originally went to her because of sleep troubles, but lately she has been hinting at the fact that she wants to look into depression. I haven't been very receptive to the idea though, but ever since it got brought up in one of our meetings, I can't take my mind off of it.
While I certainly feel like I am in a slump all the time, I guess the proper way to say it is I have never felt like I have been standing up. A slump is the only thing I have known, as far back as I can really remember. I have always thought I was just a lazy person; completly unable to get up in the mornings to go to class or work.
Shouldn't I be able to do these things? I should be going to class and working hard and enjoying myself, shouldn't I? Depression is somewhat revolting to me, I feel like I am just trying to convince myself that something else is wrong... anything so that I can continue with my lazy lifestyle. I mean, I hate the fact that I am just an immobile lump but shouldn't that motivate me? Has anyone else grappled with this kind of worry or is it just me? I just feel like I am belittling a legitimate disorder by trying to explain away my worries and laziness with it...
I don't know. I have asked myself the same question. Am I lazy or am I depressed? or do I have a thyroid disorder? Or anything else that makes you tired? I don't know how to know, especially when I can't remember what it feels like to be any other way.
we should all be checked for thyroid disorders i think, because depression is a sign of it. i'm really unmotivated too. just feel tired all the time and getting up in the morning has always been a problem but only since i was 11 so i wonder if some of my problems might be hormonal.
the other thing that can cause lack of motivation or just tiredness is food allergies. apparently if you're allergic to a particular food (and unfortunately wheat is one of the worst) you feel tired after eating it, so someone who eats bread for breakfast and lunch may feel tired all day....
if you suspect that it's 'laziness' and i don't like that term - to me laziness suggests that something metabolic is awry - get your thyroid checked, and maybe try cutting out wheat for a day and seeing if you feel any better. i did manage to cut out wheat for a couple of weeks once and i felt fantastic. i could even run, which I've never been able to do. but the problem with allergy foods is that you crave them - and I crave wheat all the time. biscuits, cakes, bread, pasta...
Hi Juiced, yeah motivation is a good thing. Do you enjoy anything?
Enjoy anything? Not particularly, I've been trying to pick up guitar lately but I can only stand that for 30 minutes or so at a time. Mostly though, I just mess around on the internet. I used to run and go to the gym but its sort of lost its flavor...
The reason I feel like I am being lazy is just... I am a grad student. Theres work that I could be doing but I am not. I have presentations and research but I haven't been doing anything about them. I just let it all accumulate like usual. It seems like everyone around me can stay on top of things while I just lie in bed like a log unable to get up until 10 or so.
Yes, I like it... when I can do it. I have trouble making it to my early classes because I can't get myself out of bed, and I have trouble doing any work in lab because I am afraid to ask for help. I haven't gotten anything done in the last two months and I had a meeting with my advisor the other day. I was expecting to get chewed out because I ahve made so little progress, and he told me I was doing well...
Im so confused, I haven't gotten anything done, everyone else knows more than I am and can come in on time and I am compeltly inadequate compared to all them, and he tells me I've been doing WELL? It makes me feel like no one has been paying attention to how little I've been doing around there.
Juiced, I have similar issues. I used to love shopping, but recently I find it no fun most of the time and I find it hard to do other things I love like writing and learning languages. I have been trying to study for the entrance exam for grad school, but have been to unmotivated to do so. And, on weekends, I usually sleep until 11 a.m. 12 - 1p.m. if on vacation. I do find that exercise does help as well as eating fruits and veggies. I have been ill for two weeks with the flu so that has brought back some lagging feelings.
Also, I am not sure about you since you're in grad school, but for me, I find that there is not enough time in the day to do everything I love and relax (which is what I love to do). I commute to work 3 hours a day and work for 8 and by time I get home, exercise, eat dinner it's time to prepare for the next work day. This causes some of my unmotivation.
Juiced, why are you afraid to ask for help? Are your classes only offered in the AM? Are you a night owl naturally?
Why am I afraid to ask for help? I feel like the questions I have are stupid things a freshman would ask. I don't have any projects of my own and I don't even know how to use the equipment properly. Everyone else in lab is about a hundred times more qualified than me to be there.
And yes, I am a night owl if left to my own devices, pretty seriously too. As in, wont wake up until 1pm if left alone. Its hard as hell to get up at 7am and sometimes I will just skip all my classes. The only thing that can get my *** out of bed are things I am obligated to be at.
Juiced, you MUST ask for help!!!!! I hear you frequently saying that others are better than you. You must focus on only yourself and do what you need to do in order to be successful. Everyone is different. Some people are very smart but do not apply themselves. Others are hard workers and very smart. Still others are average in ability but they work hard. Then of course there are those of average ability who choose to not work hard. Of course there are more. The first three groups can be successful. I am probably in the group of average ability but I will work hard and I am not ashamed of it. You got into graduate school for heavens sake! You must work with what you have. And you know what, you are probably just being really hard on yourself and you are probably much better than you give yourself credit for!
I can't help but feel like everyone else is better than me. If I pay attention throughout the day, I can confirm it over and over and over. He's more articulate, she's smarter, he is more in shape. I got to graduate school but... I can't help but feel like I got lucky. This crippling inadequacyis abig reason why I find it so hard to get out of bed, why face all thsoe people and be reminded at how badly I am doing again?
Also, I have been getting help. I see a counselor every thursday andwill be seeing a doctor soon about medication... I still think it is too early to think about medication but I will at least see what they have to day. I dont even like to take aspirin :P
Anyway, I was talking to my counselor and I got really ****** off the other day. Browsing these forums today reminded me of it. We were talking about the past, things that have happened in my life. I have had a good life. Ive never been beaten by my parents, raped, made fun of, bullied, or had my heart cruelly manipulated by a girl. So why am I so afraid of people and of getting hurt? Why do I have these constant thoughts of inferitority? Everyone elses posts seem to start with "My boyfriend broke up with me" or something else that at least gives them a REASON to feel ******. I just feel like I have had a long shadow cast over me my whole life and there was no way to avoid it.
I don't know why I just wrote all that out right now. Guess I had to get it off my chest. Internet anominymity and all.
Edit: Hmm, there is a swear filter here. Thats too bad, when I feel INCREDIBLY depressed, I tend to get angry quickly and swearing up a storm is a great way to relieve that stress. Its very cathartic, they should let us do it :P
Hey juiced, I meant you need to ask for help academically. You mentioned this before. I am very glad to hear that you are in counseling, though.
About comparing yourself to others and then feeling bad. Everyone can always find someone who is better than themselves in many ways. I can find many women who have better bodies than me, have nicer hair, prettier faces, many people who are smarter, who have had more fortunate upbringings than me - I just don't go there. What's the point? The only outcome will be that I could feel bad about it.
So why do you feel the need to compare yourself to others so much????
You asked why are you afraid of people, afraid of getting hurt and why do you feel inferior. There are answers to these questions. You mentioned that nothing bad every happened to you. The same scenario happened with me. Nothing bad ever happened to me either and I got really messed up. I figured out it was what didn't happen, not what happened. What are the memories that you have of your childhood? Was there a lot of communication in your household, etc.? Some of the issues that I worked on were boundaries and self worth. I can fit these issues in with what is bothering you. You are afraid of people and of getting hurt, this could be a boundary issue. You say that you feel inferior, this is the same as low self worth. I had a mother who was pathologically self centered. This resulted in me not getting nurtured - aahh, lack of self worth. Only my mother's needs were met in our family.
Just thought of something - You won't ask for help, I wouldn't either. I figured out later that I probably wouldn't ask for help because I didn't trust other people. You mentioned this too. If you stay independent then no one can mess with you. This is a boundary issue maybe.